该停吗？

好多遗憾

好多无助

我想……

不写了



写太多

其实也无助于事

约定

你一定记得

我们的约定~



只是……

我迟到了

而你……

走了……

别丢下我

当我数声唤你

你并没有回应我时……

我才明白

无助的形状是什么……



一直以来

我以为我能够明白身为家人

站在一旁

拿着湿布为你抹着身体

偶尔为你轻轻的咳声而紧张兮兮的那种担心



我自以为是的以为

我能够了解

什么都做不了

就只能静静的守着的感觉



直到昨天

我才明白什么叫做无助、

什么叫做担忧



我以为

我能够做些什么

但

当我被明确的告知

我是什么都不能为你做的时候

我只能低下头、叹了叹气

心口被压制的感觉

从眼角流露



小心的检查着紧闭双眼

近乎让我认不到的你

慢慢的发现你的身体

被多少支管插着

心就如同被那管子一样的穿插过

看到一个，痛一次

再注意到一个，再痛一次

终于

我忍不住

走出了加护病房



呆坐在那里

无助的影子越来越大

我是多么的痛恨自己

漠视他人的眼光

我吸了吸鼻水

顶着通红的双眼

再次进入病房……



我告诉自己：我必须弄个明白到底是怎么一回事！



走到你床前

我随手挑了个ｘ光片

还没来得及挑起整张

听见一个刺耳的声音怒骂着我

我不甘的心情终于霎那被释放

接下来是一番一字一句的理论



第一次

我像是失去理智般的

任由怒气牵着我走

伴随的却是崩溃的委屈



直到我被拉着离开病房

我再也不说一句话




总是按耐不住心头似狂风大浪般的情绪

抽蓄的向家人解释着我的无能



直到我累了

昏昏沉沉的……睡着了



离开前

我再次回到病房

唤你，

你依然不醒

我好不容易压制下来的情绪

差点霎那再次决堤

才明白原来你的不回应，

可以让我这般的痛苦



听完终于见面的医生解释关于你的

我无奈带着沉重的心离开

眉头深锁



直到……

两个小时后

来自妈妈的一通电话

说你醒了

嘴角才稍微微扬



我会默默地为你祷告……

我能为你做的，也就只有祷告……

wishing you a happy birthday.

hAppY bIrThDaY to...........

AAABBUUUU~~~~


wish you a unforgetable 21st birthday ever~

appreciate the day when u're born 21 years ago...

fake cake for u~

here it is....nnnaaahhhh............



♫ ♪ Happy birthday to u~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ Happy birthday to u~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ Happy birthday to ABU~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ HAPPY BITHDAY TO YOU~!!! ♫ ♪

灰色的舞宴

她

渐渐的是越来越不被发现

渐渐的是越来越看不见

近乎是没人发现



因此

于是

世界被分裂

变得暗淡无光

跨不过的深渊

让她觉得越来越孤独



所有的笑声泪水

像似被一层透明的玻璃隔音反弹

笑声只有自己听得见

而哭声

只会让眼泪崩溃



即便努力的奔向光明

但

黑暗总是吞噬她

刺眼的光

永远照着的不是她

就算瞬间的烟火将她点燃

但

当一切熄灭，只剩云烟

只会让她觉得相对于光明的黑暗更可怕



总是在心中点燃小小的火把

但每一次狂风暴雨

总让她的心越来越沉重



她总是期待着悦变

但殊不知太多的经历使她厌倦

使别人更无法进入她的世界



灰姑娘的梦

最后至少也穿上了她心爱的玻璃鞋

而她背负的梦

却不像灰姑娘般有南瓜车，跟华丽的舞宴

没人晓得或在乎

她赤裸裸的一双脚

流过多少的血



人说她脆弱

她宁说人冷漠



*其实她对世界来说并不是那么重要

也许就算有天她消失了，世界依然喧哗

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Official Video]

^^

specially dedicated to our Princess Chow Tze Suen who happened to be my roomate at the same time
hahaha~

hAppy 21ST BIRTHDAY~
stay sweet and cute~
you're always the sweetest roomate ever~
=D

FOrEver 21~st

妈妈

妈妈在电话里挂念我

上次欲言又止她还记得

一眼识破她的我问她是不是想念我

她却急着找借口说钢琴搁浅在一旁很久了



爸爸在中午也给我打电话

妈妈问我有出门吗

因为她知道我若待在家

也许进肚子的就不是什么正经的了

瞒不过她的我

被她的叹气声弄得眼湿湿



又问着最难回答的问题：

下次回家是几时

我支唔以对

…………

惋惜

很久不代表恒久

看见他们亲密的合照

我自作多情的为你感到难过

终于

我明白你在那瞬间撕破丑陋真相

需要多大的勇气

承受多大的刺激



虽然我并不清楚当时的你是在怎样的情况下，怎样的心情下

揭露他其实也耐不住美丽的诱惑

但是，想必你当时下定决心作出像现在的改变

足以证明你当时的创伤有多大

为你现在的改变感到骄傲

至少你比以前活的快乐有自信

更完美了



要相信自己是特别的

他负了你

不是因为他忘记了当初之间的美妙感动

只是因为习惯了你对他的真诚

变得不珍惜了

腻了

于是掉入花花世界



你应该祝福他

并且感激他

是他让你明白你可以活得更好

不必在他的范围里围绕

离开虽然痛苦

但，是为了给两个人自由

潇洒的转身离开

为这错误的开始

作出美丽的结束

别浪费你的真诚

把它留给一个更值得你付出的人



原来

太久的感情

不是稳固

而是危机

心里不平衡的一天

都会过去的

最痛心的，总会过去的

我会努力的爬起来！

谢谢那些骂醒我的

谢谢那些鼓励我的

你知道

没有你们，我真的会很软弱

转载

其时，我很累了　　其实，一直没有人懂我。我习惯假装坚强，习惯了一个人面对所有…　　我不知道自己到底想怎么样　　有时候　　我可以很开心的和每个人说话，可以很放肆的；　　可是却没有人知道，那不过是伪装，很刻意的伪装　　我可以让自己很快乐很快乐，　　可是却找不到快乐的源头，只是傻笑。　　我不习惯把事和别人说，因为我不习惯别人用可怜的眼光看我。　　其实，我很珍惜身边的人，只是生活的压力让我善于遗忘，把那些记忆通过通遗忘　　我以为遗忘可以让自己快乐起来…　　可是，我感觉到的却是更多的寂寞…　　黑夜来袭，周围的空气很冷…　　一个人坐在草地对着天空发呆…　　也不知道自己脑子里在想什么…　　怀念过去，仅此而已…　　其实，我也很渴望有一个人能懂我；能走进我的心…　　其实，我很累了，真的想放下所有…　　可是现实的压力只能让我背着这些慢慢走…　　登QQ进入自己的空间



看看有多少人还在意着我，来看过我，我有多少空间动态…　　接着　　下拉，再下拉…　　更重要的是自己关心的那个人的动态…　　却只是看看，并不打扰…　　何时发现，我不再爱写日志，即使有最新的日志，前面也会带个[转]…　　不是我变的懒了，而是我疲惫了…



情愿用别人的语言，来抒发自己的情感…



挂了QQ，却不上线　　挂了QQ，却不聊天　　只是反复着‘展开分组’和‘关闭分组’…



上线，是为了打发寂寞；　　隐身，是为了躲避失望；



就这样　　挂了QQ，隐了身，看着别人的一点一滴变化…



何时　　我不喜欢追逐打闹，却很想和以前一样活蹦乱跳　　何时　　我让自己变得沉默 ，　　却很想多了解身边所谓的朋友



我喜欢在很静很静的深夜，关了灯让寂静把我包裹，却又害怕黑夜…



我也会偶尔的和朋友聚聚，　　或开心　　或失望



偶尔，也会寂寞的拿起手机翻开通讯录，一遍一遍的… 却不知道该打给谁、、、、、　　再好的东西都有失去的一天，再深的记忆也有淡忘的一天；再爱的人也有远走的一天；该放弃的决不挽留，该珍惜的决不放手！





*有人说这论文说得很像我

……

Suffocation

i feel like shouting like how chemical romance do in this mtv.

or like Linkin park, maybe?

sh*t!

call me a emo girl i dont care..

call me nuts i dont care..

call me key siao i dun care..

idiot i am, being fooled around by emo emo things...





personally i dunno why, how come and what cause me this..

i don't feel like leaving home tomorrow!!!

i feel like i gt lots of important role to play in home

i got plenty of reasons for me to stay at home


FIRST,

i need to help my mom to light up the stupid cooking thing..

coz dunno why the stupid cooking thing need to use lighter to light up instead of turning the gas thing...*aiks...i oso dunno wat am i talking...in short, my mom need my help!!*

second,

i helped to massage my dad "accidentally" once and he said it's been a long time no ppl massage for him...

so i guess i should continue to play a role as a massage machine at home specially for my dad...

i don't know why, these kind of chores which i used to refuse to do last time, now seems to be so addicted and enjoyed to do it..esp when i saw my dad was actually loves it so much! aarrggghhh!!!

thirdly,

d*mn! i havent play with my bro yet!! * though i think he's not in the mood to play with me...

i should say i would like to kacau him before i go back...

forth,

i shall spend some time to go somewhere with my family.. still, i think i gt plenty of things to share with my parents!

fifth,

i havent taste "red wine chicken mi sua" yet!! T_T

sixth,

gosh, i need to witness the building progress of TESCO at manjung!!

seventh,

aiya...! etc etc...



simply because i just love this land.. my home!!

simply because i hate that yellow building and those wearing stupid sun glass, pretending to be yeng, fierce hateful guards...

simply because i'm sick of thinking hard of wat to eat...

simply because i hate to do my laundry on my own...



in short, i'm not satisfied!! aarrggghh~~ too bad!

cut my life into piecesss.

bull-sh*tting

learned sth last nite...

guess what, went to public bank, then on the way back, sense sth wrong with the speed of the car...

then confirmed by some weird sound from the left back tyre...

i stopped at a blessed place where it's actually in front of my dad's shop, then was totally frustrated by seeing the tire totally PUNCTURED!!

panic at the same time i was a bit impatient..

dah lah public bank wanna banking money also need to wait for about 30 mins..

those ppl queue in front of me all banking like thousandsss and each of them took bout minutesss to settle with their money..

thought of can fly back to home and continue with my work then happened this stupid thing on me...

but fortunately my mom was with me, then i felt rather safer..

called for savior...(of course my dad it's..)

happened to be so malang that my dad was about to take bath,

called my uncle, and same thing, my uncle was having bath...

so???

wait lor........................................




until the time they both reached, i was abit gone nuts..

anyway, i was hoping to at least be helpful..

but God!! the tire was like thousand kilo weighed..

cant even tried to pull it up...

dad was abit tired of loosening the screw..

but yet, i cant help...

*speechless*

i hope that i were a boy badly on the moment..

sth crossed my mind: if nex time i drive back home, in the middle of the road, at night somemore, tire get punctured. then how? one ppl... Gosh, takkan wanna wave the hand and ask for help? even if someone do stop and trying to lend me a hand, i oso scare scare lor..

duh... anyway, learned how to change a tire...

and i guess no matter how heavy it is, by the time if i really face this prob, i will do it alone...hahahaha! at least i know the way...


thank God anyway, to put me in such condition, though i was impatient and felt bad, but somehow, i think i gain benefits from the incident...




-TODAY-

tmr going back to a place and start mourning with the pathetic life...

gosh!!! wat kind of feeling it is..

havent really get satisfied with the entertainment yet didnt really catch up with my homework... sh*T

my life is in a mess!! the exam is coming so soon....j-u-s-t right at the corner, and i'm totally out of the situation now! still craving for another excitement of celebration or trip or watever..

dun feel like back to the reality yet..

aarrgghh!! wat to do???

life is bored~ =______=|||

累

憔悴啊~

回来后足足睡了一整天却还是觉得想冬眠

来自朋友的评语都是两个字--憔悴

不知是不是因为早上上课，下午就赶回家的关系

连续两天，我都提不起精神~

Sigh~

累啊累~



回到家，看见掩不住开心的妈妈

煮了一大堆东西“伺候”我~

我想我还是幸福的~

虽然目前的我总是闷闷不乐




想说老豆去赎回了我的号码

maxis还是在手

可是没电话可用

暂时还是丢在一旁

至少，我的号码还是被保存了



那天听着朋友说着他的故事

我不知道怎么的

竟然哭了出来

毫无预警的

直到我感觉到脸颊有热热的

用手擦时，才明白那是泪

而我那位朋友

我想他是看到了

却因为在众人面前

他只静静的继续他的说词

我很不好意思

应该有吓到他

还好，后来聚在一起聊天时

他没有提起

只是问我最近是不是累了

眼睛总是红红的

感激他没太直接

避免了我不必要的尴尬



我只是想明白自己到底是为什么

伤风还没好？

为什么有一种东西压在心口

却不知道是什么

我不是在说大话

我只是想知道为什么

然后再想想用些什么方法来解决

可是现在，连要找出祸根为什么我会这样

再来个对症下药都不能



回到家，

有种很轻松的感觉

我睡了好久

睡得很安稳

跟老爸说起一些事情

他突然跟我说了一些道理

关于现实，关于面对

突然有一种很厌恶的感觉

老爸揭开很多事情跟我说

让我看清事实的同时

让我觉得人与人的距离很遥远

没有人懂另外一个人想什么，要什么，真正了解彼此



突然想到自己

知心的朋友也没多少个

大多都因为各自上了大学，

因距离等的问题

没什么机会可以谈心

就算当年彼此认定最了解彼此

也是彼此的死党

但到最后还是敌不过长期没联系

关系最后被冷冻

到最后，连要打声招呼可能都难



有时我很累

累得我不想说话

累得我不想解释

累得我就算别人说错了什么

我都点头作回应

我不知道这是好是坏

渐渐的，我变得不想乱跑

只想静静的呆在自己的世界

尽管孤僻不是我的代名词

尽管我从来就否认软弱



但我想有时候……

就算认了我不想被人打扰

就算认了我有时还是很想用眼泪宣示

应该也没大碍

总比总是在逞强来的好



累了

我只想找我的床

好好的睡一觉

心伤了

我只想找我的枕头好好的埋葬我的泪



只是我最近才发现

我的泪腺诸塞了

连倾诉

都不知道找谁了


p/s:我想天使早已在我心里擦干了我要留下的眼泪

Now and forever

当我还打着喷嚏

吸着鼻涕时

听见了这首歌

鼻子酸了 @_@..

感动~!



nOw aND FoRevER, I'll bE yOuR maN~

幸福 * 不是偶然

爱上一个人，很简单

但，一旦爱上，却不是像想象中那么简单的可以戒掉




每个人的心中都有一个洞

让另外一个人以爱来填补那个洞

若找不到那份属于自己的爱

那么，会一辈子活在缺氧的恐惧中



爱，不是交易

它，是一种毒品

当你发现已无法自拔时，

你已经戒不掉、回不了头

只有继续的爱下去



最可悲的事

莫过于你在记忆里尝试寻找他的影子时

发现你笑着哭了出来



当他/她愿意站在你身边时

请把握每个牵起他/她的手的机会

因为

你不知道有谁会从你身边牵走他/她



原谅她的一切过去

因为你，可能就是她改变的理由



如果两个人连吵架都不想吵了

该是时候，坐下来谈谈了



在一起久了，感情自然会退色

但是要明白，爱不是瞬间烟火

只有灿烂的火花

而是恒久的忍耐、包容、关怀




要遇到对的人，对的感觉，对的默契的人

不容易

当你遇见了，请记得捉紧他/她

他也许是你的命运，但别让别人有机会把你们分开~

^^

寂寞寂寞就好 - Hebe 田馥甄

人本来就寂寞的

寂寞寂寞就好

是可忍，孰不可忍！！

真的是佛都有火！！

本人不是没有脾气！

是不想发而已！

惹我，我在糟的情况下都算可以忍……

好惹不惹，惹我家人！？



无良到偷了我的手机，

我妈打过去，好意思接了电话

还反过来理直气壮的骂我妈妈？？

电话都给你去了，

你是不懂得什么是羞耻

还是在你的语言里，没有这个字？?


！·#￥#·%#%#！·！

CHEAP到没有人有！！

真不知是不是这种人都做这些事~！！

真是怪不得一辈子落后不长进！！！





我衷心希望你能够平平安安度过你的开心死鬼新年！！！


不要让我在医院碰见你头破血流，小便还要靠尿袋输管！！


我同情你这辈子都穷~街边拾垃圾成为你的专长！！


迟点神智不清还要喝自己的尿吃自己屎！！


没脑的家伙~！！怜悯你这辈子坐定坚牢！！


没家教的孽种！！！




火冒三丈！！

空

我想，我是累了


原来一直对关心自己的人说“我很好，我没事”

会让自己踩入更深的寂寞

worst day i had...

hello everyone..

i had a very bad day here..

haha!

not feeling like going to be angry or cursing or blaming anyone beside me now...

since it's all my fault anyway..

gonna announce that :

i've lost my phone..

i'm not going to use maxis anymore...

sigh..a bit sad of it coz it's my number ever since form 2 til now...

and my bro is having a quite similar number with my maxis number..

sigh~

the number....i'm not gonna claim it back alr since i gt no handphone to use and i'll afraid of if i lost it again?

phobia alr...



to everyone who's concerned, please contact my digi number instead of maxis start from now..

u're not gonna get any reply from maxis of course ...

i'm so sorry for the inconvenience caused...




a bit depressed today...

start from the beginning of the day, i've a mild shock from my groupmate who said that i've to find a long case on the spot to present this morning...

and either me or the other groupmate gonna be the presenter to a high-expecting and can kill u by his eye sight doc...

can u imagine what's the feeling?

somemore the previous day my the other groupmate done very well in presenting case, he's very happy with it, can u imagine if i bull shit in front of him the next day??

i will spoil his mood and my groupmate's effort...

or maybe he will disappointed on me only la actually...which is sth i afraid of...

i hate seeing disappointing face...

that's why i'm stressed~!

and anyhow by the time i managed to find a case and try to practise in short time, my group leader said that he went to meeting alr...

which means i gt to present the case on the afternoon to the other doc...

which make me feel cannot relieved and continue stress up...

i think that's why my head start to pain and having throbbing sensation on my head which make me feel bad...



later in time, luckily still i managed to present it...and finally time to go back k17

who knows today bus driver use another road to go back hostel..

i actually told him that i'm rushing time..

but he claimed that it's the same distance road and it's gonna take same time to reach...

and finally ended up, he went to petrol station and fill in full tank which use about 15 minutes staying at the petrol station~!

gosh~! i dun care wat day he wanna fill petrol, whenever he wanna refill just go ahead, i'm just wondering why he's so cute...knowing that i;m rushing time yet he's still using his big butt and walk slowly, do everything slowly ?

cute bus driver~~ make us wait for him for the first day of this week going to hosp kajang...and waste my time at the end of the week...



back to hostel, realise that i lost my handphone..dunno wat can i do..

i was having mix feeling when i get to know it..

guilty and scare of being scolded?

not being responsible of my belongings???

i dunno wat should i do...

i was blank...how could it happen to me...wat am i doing?

haiz...

finally, being late to start our journey to bkt jalil...

making hui shan to be late to back home and choose to go back hosp kajang to try to find it again and of course i failed...

jessie missed the gathering chance with her friends, which make me even feel worse...

hui shan's mom calling her asking why so late havent up bus yet...

and jessie's mom was worrying her late-coming-back daughter..


all because of me....

i'm deeply sorry yet i dunno how to express it ...

coz i'm having hard feeling in me too...



daddy and mom called me, and i choose to tell the truth...

surprisingly they're not very angry over it, on the other hand,mom asked me to back tmr...

saying that it's a bit too late for me to back alone..dangerous and all kind of stuff ....

make me feel really really warm..thanks mom~! (even the nex moment after that, she started to nag over me saying that how could i lost the thing)..but still~ i appreciate it alot.

second time, daddy calling...lagi stress to pick up the phone...

and again surprisingly...daddy din say much..just ask me how i lost it and he said that actually morning when he called my maxis, still ringing de...but now all in voicemail alr...

then he console me saying that, what has happened alr happened... no point of saying anythg...

i feel really much more relieved...




safely send hui shan go bkt jalil and i bought a ticket of 9am tmr...

then jessie and i depart to go for dinner together..


sincerely a BIG THANKS to jessie that helped me alot in this critical time...

i'm so so sorry over it of wat has happened to u at the end after u choose to help me...

like nearly kena saman??

haha~! we can never get together nex time...really can happen alot of things...

i pray much gao gao of the police wont send any saman to ur house~! or else, i think i will share the saman with u...if the saman is rm300?? haha...cant manage to pay it all la...

i promise here..



thanks a lot of having a sweet dinner with me..which then making me feel much more better alr...




p/s: i din feel like cursing the thief of stealing my belongings since part of it, it's my fault of din really take care of my stuff...somemore, i think he/she must be in a very difficult condition or guilty to steal my phone... lagipun, i'm not sure whether i lost it myself or actually gt ppl steal it in purpose though i think the latter one will stand a higher percentage since i realised actually gt ppl touched and moved by beg...

i just hope that one day, someone or some little humanity side of u will make u realised of stealing other's ppl things is not a good habit no matter how hard situation are u in...

thanks Lord anyway of blessing me for the safe journey back to dong's house...at least, i think we're blessed to not kena that saman~! have faith, i put my trust...



being thankful that , no matter what situation i'm in, i know You are always beside me and bless me~ thank you Lord Jesus...

not-well.

not very well these few days...

having stomachache...

gas inside my stomach without known cause

definitely not because of skipping meal coz i'm taking meal everyday...

:(

想到什么，写什么

上个周末过得还算充实

拜五就找dong，直接到星期日才回来

吃了snowflakes, subang murni 算是最大的“心愿”

两个人星期日去one u（不是看力宏去）

而是吃士林鸡，顺便觉得逛街最佳首选是one u

所以才去的

不好意思，好像很不给脸的感觉

我是不想阻碍交通，已经那么多人看了

就让力宏迷看得开心点

我就只要在经过时，看看那些“热情”的粉丝~

XD

很多人都说他本人超级帅~！

我就没眼福啦~

哈哈！



买了条裤子，蛮满意的

反正也很久没血拼了~

钱包有点出血

可是，很爽！！

XD

*两个人逛街的感觉很好！



******************************************************************


突然看回家的照片~

有东西要炫耀一下

有些东西，你们是妒嫉不了那么多的啦~

爸妈基因遗传~

我就是那么的可爱！！




哈哈哈！~

当时我是刚睡醒~

我叔叔都我笑的~

笑得很自然……

还有好几张

是连环照来的

笑到翻肚子的那种~

哈哈！！

真佩服我可以可爱到那种地步

；P

以后我的孩子应该还可以比我更可爱！

哈哈~

XD







这个呢~

是我在阿姨家旁拍的

很明显

我很害羞啦~

裙子都被我捉了起来~

XP



太~~~可爱了！！

哈哈！！



要看更多？

期待下一次啦~

这些绝对是超级无敌珍贵的照片！

ALL COPYRIGHT RESERVED~!

哈哈~！



**************************************************************

幸福是，做想做的事，听你喜欢的歌，怀念最美的回忆，喝一杯幸福的饮料，听着六弦之歌，与温暖的人相知相惜~

:)

随便啦~

发现其实没什么好强调的

一些顺其自然就好

你想怎样就怎样

反正强逼后的结果不会是我想要的

唉~随便你吧~

XD



不理了~

做回自己！

emptiness

emptiness-

it's not the feeling of craving for sth..

it's that, when u find nothing can replace the emptiness of your heart..

sth very shallow inside u, but yet very deep to reach...



boresome hit me gao gao when the world stop spinning..

not that i don't know how to appreciate the people around me...

not that i don't appreciate that they are making jokes and funny stuff to amuse me...

but it's all about oneself...

something that is internal...

trying to do sth to satisfy myself, make me thinks that i'm useful...

ya, i guess the feeling is the feeling of uselessness...

i cant satisfy myself sometimes, i don't get to reach my expectation sometimes...




i know that there are moments that i need to slow down my pace to let myself get some rest...

but whenever i stop, i dont think i worth the rest, coz i've been resting all the while...

what's the point? rest doesn't cure the feeling inside me anyway...





not many that knows what i need and what i hope...

some compliment and encouragement keeps me moving on...

but how about the times when no one encourage me and i'm all alone?

still, i'm not tough enough??





* it's nice to hear one said :" girl, u have a nice warm hand, and a warm heart.."
though by that time, i'm touching a pair of cold hand...

the word "warm", just simply makes me feel that i've did sth! at least, i've send a temperature impulse to his brain~

哥哥

王力宏-哥哥

你说你是哥哥我是弟

你要为我遮风挡住雨

再难的路也要在一起

一心找到人生的的路基

我有你这哥哥在心里

我要为你遮风挡住雨

想说的话永远说不清

手足的情

兄弟的心

哥

小时候一直问你

为什么你是哥我是弟

哥

你总是那样严厉

为什么爱我 从不放弃

哥

在风雨中看见你

为什么你始终没泪滴

哥

我要和你站在一起

我知道你也没大力气


*****************************************************************


小时候，也没想太多“哥哥”是什么意思

就是，嚷着嚷着~

玩的、闹得、吵的、都叫着“哥哥”~

我被爸爸妈妈抱在手腕的时候

我总是爱扯“哥哥”的头发

妈妈告诉我的，

恰巧还有一张照片正好拍着我拉着他的头发~哈哈




稍微大了一点，会跑会跳了

我常常就追着哥哥跑

哥哥也常常闹着我玩

我越哭，他们也更兴奋~XD

玩着玩着~

闹着闹着~

也不知道这些画面残留多少回忆在脑海



妈妈告诉我

后来哥哥到了上学的年纪

我因为不舍得哥哥

每天在哥哥坐在门口穿着校鞋准备要搭巴士的时候

我总是站在那里看着

尽管那时清晨，

我还是会起身看着哥哥上学去

后来的我，听说还向妈妈吵着说我也要上学呢！~





穿着深蓝色的校服时期

每当我被欺负时，

他会跳出来，撑我、罩着我

更吓唬那些欺负我的坏蛋男同学

让我觉得很神气！

所谓的神气，其实也只不过是一种被保护的安全感~

让我不再害怕

甚至拿哥哥来吓唬那些常常欺负我的同学





到了持身份证的年纪

我们变得爱吵架了

两三天内都会有哭喊的声音

骂来骂去、恶言相向……

像个冤家

互不忍让




后来的我们，随着长大后需要离家升学

哥哥离家了

家里，多了一些多余的沉寂



后来，

我也离家了~


慢慢的~慢慢的……


我慢慢明白，一家人要相处在一起，

能够聚在一起

并非一件自然容易的事



每次，能够有难得相聚，

总是含蓄的嘘寒问暖了几句

藏在心里深深地思念，

始终表达不出来



后来~

升大学了~

相聚的时间更难得了~

哥哥有要忙的事业

有要忙的课业

我们顿时变得有点陌生





有时遇到一些难题，还是会联系上哥哥

即使我已是二十来岁的成人，

哥哥还是一副大哥哥的样子

跳出来，指导我面对问题

好几次

他们的劝导

让我成长




直到现在，

才真正明白

哥哥

是什么样的一个角色

在我生命里带给我什么样的改变



跟哥哥的性格

尤其是二哥的性格太像

也因为这样，

最了解我的人，我哥也~！



哥哥

在我生命中，影响最大



在我心目中，他永远为我遮风挡雨

因为我知道，他总是为我好

不愿我靠近任何危险边界

不至于说疼我，但总是保护我

站在他旁边

就像在我心里打了支强心剂

我什么都不怕



而我也知道

我在他心中，不管年纪多少

我都只是他的妹妹

一个他需要呵护的妹妹





他常告诉我：

做兄妹，一生只有一次

就算你想要再来一次，也未必拥有那种机会

这种缘分要好好珍惜~！



从那一天他说出这句话

我就把他说的话放心底

因为，我看见，我们真的长大了

兄妹是永远有说不完的话

而我很感激

我们真的是无所不谈的-兄妹！

52个白键，36个黑键的旋律

周末回家

我要好好地跟我的钢琴谈一谈恋爱、酿一酿陈旧的感情

好久好久

都没传输手心的热能跟汗水给它了

我想

它应该想我了吧

如果有一首能够代表我最近心情的歌

伴随我的高盐分的水分

我想我会慢慢的告诉它，

生活的谱章~






琴声

是最好的倾诉

真人假人

看见那些在超级市场的假人

在一堆“真人”里

还真的以假乱真

真真假假

我已弄不清楚




假人假人~

你们弄得我好乱~

假人假人~

在面具下，你们到底在想什么？

假人假人~

你们的衣着华丽，内心会不会也能衬托外表的高尚？

假人假人~

几时几时？ 几时几时你们才会觉得累?想要歇息歇息？



假人假人~

可悲的你们

活在真人的影子里

永远围着完美的真人团团转~

原本已没什么尊严的你们

在真人的眼里，更鄙视你们



假人啊~假人~

醒醒吧~

在真人的眼里

瞬间也许分不出真假

但真人与假人的分别是，

真人有长脑袋，

认真一看！

假人还是仿效不到真人

逃不过真人辨别

没用的掩眼法

永远也只是假人~

可悲的假人~

完全没生存的意义.

a nice break..

watched Sorcerer's apprentice today with jessie..

which was a plan spontaneously after our class...

had fun and nice evening with non-rushing small shopping while waiting for the movie time..

(though at first we checked from the net, it suppose gt one show on 410pm, that's why we rushed out on 345pm to get the show, but ended up the show was 545pm)

jessie bought a perfume, the nice part was that both of us testing the smell of the perfume...

now only i found out why people say choosing perfume is troublesome coz when it's too many different types, different brands of perfumes in front of u, u take each of them and test the smell, at the end, u will confused with the favour smell...

coz at the end, it will all smell the same! - bad smell! lolz..

some of the smell was totally making me faint..

but at the end, we managed to get one la..=)

a nice experience anyway...XD

ended up two gals full with different smells walking in the shopping complex...lolz..





Sorcerer is a nice movie, which i think is better than SALT..

i know i sound a bit outdated...>_<||

haha! nicholas cage's simply too yeng even with the old shoes and messy hairs...

the metal eagle and bull and the ferrari and lamborghini if not mistaken were a bonus to the movie...

the moral value of the story: trust that u can make it, though maybe at first everything seems not possible to u...coz when u think it's not possible, u're not gonna to make it in life time... you yourself don't even want to believe in urself, then what's the point of people have trust in you?


IMPOSSIBLE??? better make it IM-POSSIBLE~!

nothing is impossible . impossible is nothing~!

what a day of having a mouth but cant communicate!!

talked to a patient who's deaf...

a very nice experience i've gained...

we first approached her and tried to intro ourselves to her as usual...

but she just stopped us by taking few pieces of paper and started to write...

i was wondering what's she doing...

and she started her first sentence on the paper with : i'm deaf!

and she double underlined it...

surprisingly, she's not upset or in a =( face...

she's smiling sweetly toward us...

and she started to ask us : what's the matter?

suen and i stopped the conversation when one of the H.O asked us to clerk a patient just in front of us that time while we were communicationg to the girl...

and again, surprisingly, the aunty can't talk too...

not because of she has speech problem...but she's semi-conscious with nasal prong helping her to breath...

obviously she has difficulty in breathing...we cant ask open-ended question since she cant even speak and just keep nodding head and shaking head...+ with the eyes closing...(we were wondering is she actually sleeping?)

we were forced to ask closed ended question by asking her to respond by nod head or shake the head if the answer is yes or no respectively...

she once a while opened her eye and looked at us...

i was struggling to ask for the actual answer and make sure she's actually responding and not simply nodding head...

ask again and again... i was a bit exhausted instead of frustrated...

the H.O cant get history and any info from her... i wonder if she continues to be like this, who can get the details from her then?

anyhow, at last, we reluctantly gave up and told the H.O what we got from the "conversation".




then we back to the deaf girl...

my colleague were talking to her...

then i started to notice that she gt one plaster on her left wrist...

one thinking hit my mind-- is she commited suicide?

and i asked my colleague to ask her where and how she got the wound...

and she wrote : trying to kill myself...

we were a bit stunned...

and they decided to stop the conversation and wanna BE-LAH alr..

but i still felt like talking to her...

and i again tried to approach her...

she's totally opposite of one that just committed suicide..

the smile at her face make us feel that she's very cheerful...



i dare myself to ask direct question on why she attempted to end her life...

she replied with quite long saying that she was having a big prob but she promised not to do it anymore...she claimed that she will moved to US to know more about deaf ppl and start her new life over there..

though the main reason of what causing her to hurt herself was not known, but from the conversation, at least, she kinda promise not to repeat it anymore which make me feel happy for her...

at last, due to scare of disturb her or make her recall of the pain, i tried to give her some courage and told her not to hurt herself anymore..not dare to say hurting herself is a stupid act, but i tried to send her a message of everyone around her loves her...

until she finished reading it, i waved my hand and said goodbye, with shaking her hand, wished her all the best and enjoy life at US...

step out away from the bedside, i felt satisfied of one's life has been saved though once it's nearly come to the end...

sincerely wishing her to have a new life there...

and then i realised, morning that time, before these two cases, i've met a chinese old lady who's really weak and nearly fell down when she went to the toilet, who also have communicating problem with us...

not because of she cant speak, not because of she's not conscious, but due to language barrier...

poh poh actually cant speak chinese and the only language she knows is hakka!! haha...

suen even tried to call her aunty to ask how to speak hakka..simple simple like :"why u were admitted to hosp?"

and it turn out to be very funny of two gals who dunno speak hakka trying to speak like a chicken, keep on " ni jor ma gai yip yi yuan??"

"the word "mao" is the best word to add on the last of the sentence to make ppl understand the whole sentence", according to suen....hahahaha!!!

what the.... end up "mao mao mao " there...

damn funny that i actually laugh while we talked to the patient...

but she's too weak to talk more with us...

then ended up, we left without much conversation...



what a day with a proper mouth, but cant communicate well!!

language barrier, not conscious makes ur mouth shut! lolz....

一个人的体验

原来你的沉淀，我会难过

原来你的退出，我会落寞

也许太习惯你沉默的守候

在你离开后，转身才发现，我会不习惯没有你的温度


我，深深地感觉到，我是一个人


我没埋怨你的离开

甚至鼓励你的去向

只是

我没发觉，原来我也会不习惯一个人



原来· · 是你·· 让我觉得不孤单

现在才觉悟，会不会有点晚？

但更令我伤心的是，

你会守护我，真的只是非一般的朋友关系

而我太单纯的以为··· 就算是朋友,你还是会好好的···好好的···在那里




现在，我的生活

让我慢慢地体验“爱”的定义

以前的我以为自己的成熟度对“爱”的了解应该算是满完美了

可是，对于不同的环境带来的试练，

“爱”因此升华了···

一幕幕··· 引进眼帘的···

好几次，让我看了深深被感动

什么是爱？

看到他们的坚持

他们的泪水，他们日夜的守候

他们所付出的，他们努力的

汗水、耐心、忍耐、执着、奋斗到最后的精神

不需显微镜，很清楚，都是爱的表现



白色袍的力量，不是一般的职业精神

它

让我看到的，像是一双散播爱的天使的翅膀

穿着它的每一个人，都努力的给那些无助的灵魂一些力量

爱是什么？

爱不是词句能形容的

付出你的爱，你才会感受到它的存在




爱，不喜欢与泪水共同庆贺

所以

如果你爱你身边的每一个人

不要让他们为你流泪

照顾好自己的身体

不要因为你对你自己身体的不负责任

造成要爱你的人为你心疼

如果你珍惜他们对你的爱···

你就应该尽可能，都要让自己过得好好的




看过这么样的例子：

1- 一个老婆婆，肺积水，因为肾坏掉的关系，需要洗肾，医生巡房时，她问医生那里可以便宜的洗肾？
医生告诉她，她的状况最好是到私人部门去洗会比较好，
婆婆说：“我的女儿都嫁了，她们各有各的家要负担……”
医：“婆婆，你有七个孩子，你可以一个人养大七个孩子，现在七个孩子养不起一个妈妈啊？你以前很有钱么？你养的起他们，他们现在七个养不起你一个？婆婆，没天理啦！婆婆，你不要再有旧的思想啦，什么女儿嫁出去就不是你的女儿了吗？那些思想全部是错的！”
婆婆被医生骂得头头是道，骂得无言了，我有种很想跳起来叫好的感觉，医生简直骂得太好了！我不是赞成婆婆被骂，而是医生刚刚说的一番话太有道理了！
很帅的医生吩咐实习医生通知所有的儿女来见他，他说他要跟他们谈……
到最后婆婆自己也默默地说“医生，你真的很好人！”
太帅了！！！

2- 一个家庭主妇，相信是中风嫌疑被送进院。
她的医药背景很特别，是有产后忧郁症，忧郁症后，根据老公说是变得不爱说话了，每天都睡很多。
感人的一幕是：早上，老公来探望了。老婆哭得很伤心，是挽着老公的颈项伤心的拉着老公的手。听见这番对话：
男：“ngm hou ham a...lou gong ngm zhong yi tai dou lei ham ga....”
"lei mou ham ga, ji ngm ji a? hou fan ngo dei zao fan ngok kei lo, hou ngm hou?"
"lei guai guai dei hai dou yao sek, lou gong dan zhan lei tai lei, fong gou ji hao lei tai lei, hou ngm hou?"

心对心的谈话，听到的人，我想都有种心软的感觉

不做作的对白。

让我看见的，是来自爱的力量。

我想，她，是幸福的女人~

祝福她，早日出院，重回她挚爱的身旁……

我

我是个很平静的人


没有什么特别的理由


我就只想静静的活着（与我的挚爱）


我可以很平静的对每件事都微笑着


对陌生人，我不会有太多的意见


幸福与快乐，我自有我的方法与我身边的人分享





我有我的原则


虽不能说是件好事


但我就是一个这样的人


与我相处其实也没必要有太多的拘束


只需要尊重我


至少……尊重我的存在


尊重我重视的东西


你将得到我相同的重视





要说我小气也罢


我只会当这一切是我的原则


再怎么说，难道每个人不能拥有自己的情绪？


所以也请尊重我也是一个人


我会有情绪


遇到我反感生气的事


我还是会做出常人的反应


我会发小脾气，我会闹


因为我只是一个人


我不是绝种好人


我不是没有脾气的人


如果我的情绪起伏造成你的反感


或者让你觉得很错懊或失望于我的表现


我也只能说：


不好意思，


你不是很了解我





在我哭诉、埋怨时


如果你不明白我的眼泪


就请你默不作声


总好过擅自决定我泪水存在的意义


我的感受不需要你来怜悯


当然也不需要你来同情


如果你愿意倾听我眼泪的控诉


我很感激





真正认识我的人


不是仅是了解我的优点


而是他更明白我所有缺点的由来





只是我怀疑


了解我后的你


会不会因为我的不完美而选择离开……

Black friday...

i'm now with a heavy mood...

black friday!

actually it's quite moody since wednesday...

since many things seems troubling me...

many things not decided yet..

i dunno wat to do...

plus quite some days alr i've been slacking all the day at hosp..

not that i din approach patients, but those patients keep on rejecting to be clerked especially today...moody friday...

since morning i woke up early as usual, i with my housemate, we went to hosp early...

but keep on being rejected...else, the patients family were there and one of the patient's son is actually a medical students too...we basically dont need to ask anything and the son will tell us every history we want...how sweat it is..

long case long case...i was actually looking for it...

but somehow, it's friday~what senior told us before is true...friday usually wont have much new case in...and the environment in hosp will be very moody...
and usually they will go back earlier compare other weekdays...

FRIDAY = patients were clerked before(monday, tuesday, W, T, F) and they refused to be asked so many questions and somemore wanna palpate lagi.most of them in pain lagi..who wants to repeat so many times with the same questions same answer and same being asked to do the same thing...."tarik nafas macik~, tark~~" "boleh mengiring sana ka pakcik??" "pakcik ada sakit mana mana lagi tak?"...etc...
=_='' stupid!

that's why, i dun get any long case for whole day..
it's actually many days alr..i'm not practising my PE enough...
haiz....
slacking for whole week..
=_=''
scold me! i dun mind..

haiz....
somemore today the main thing i call it a BLACK friday is bcoz ....
i witnessed a patient died after bout 45 mins resuscitation...
the heart rate was up and down several times...
the lowest was 30 sth and then being resuscitated , up again...gone tachycardia 130 the highest and fall and up and fall again...

first time see H.O M.O doing CPR...the malay H.O somemore climbed up the bed and resuscitate the patient which make me thinks she's really cool coz the way she do it is just like "I'M GONNA SAVE U!"
and then the MO come, surprisingly he's quite big in size, and i think that's the reason why he can actually resuscitate with ONE HAND! man~ lol...geng! somemore can talk while doing resuscitate...
adrenaline being boost for several times i think..

actually another thing to mention is that while the CPR was performed, the whole bed was actually shaking, and the patient stomach was like a balloon filling with lots of water being squeeze....u can imagine that?

after being chase out, i still peeped for the heart rate and ecg machine..though the MO stared at us very fiercely several times...and a nurse actually tease us said" cuma tengok saja ka? tak tau tolong?" with that face expression u can actually feel very bad la...but end up we gt helped to bagging ...

after a while...
at the end , the ecg showed no changes with a straight flat line...
not as the drama shown...gt the beep sound, i think somehow they mute it alr..
or else, the environment will become very heavy...
that time was about 14.00 and it was friday, 30th july 2010

the MO then went to the family...and few minutes later, one of the family member cry loudly in the hosp.............

sympathy...



"life is short, appreciate now"
we used to this sentence...
but how many of us are really appreciating their lives?
some just put their lives under risks...
do some stupid things to burn their lives off...how stupid it is!
ppl in the hosp all struggling to live even just for one more minute...
but still gt brainless ppl smoke to burn their life shorter at the same time burn the damn cigarretes which then the ppl around them will suffer secondhand smokes..


i always have one kind of thinking in my mind,
"if everyone knows how to loves their lives and love the one around them, kan apa apa pasal pun takda?"
where comes the war? where comes the fighting? where comes the hospitalisation?
everyone lives happily with each other~ lives in harmony ~
ok, i know i'm talking childish...
the world is not a fairy tale~


last thing to add on, dun judge me if u dunno me well...
dun say me garang if u dunno wat's happening actually...
dun ask me " don't be like that" if u dunno wat happened to me actually... coz it actually hurts..
i will very appreciate it if u stand on my shoe and think of my situation...thanks!
(who dun wan to be a better person? who wish to say sth bad and makes ppl feel bad on u? esp being a christian somemore...)


p/s: cant really adapt to the changes in environment after enter clinical year...
everything just change! and u have to realise one by one that what's actually no longer the same anymore...

my regards

looking back those photos taken long time ago, i deeply realised that some of the times that we spent last time...we can never chase it back anymore..

time passed and everything change...ppl changed....

u should know and believes that i do appreciate ppl around me...

i appreciate the memories that created...

but the memories are with no regrets ONLY IF now everyone still stay together and share our feelings and prob...

unfortunately, ppl leave, and ppl changed, memories are just to recall the time that we'd spent together...we just can recall some sweet feeling inside us without sharing the same memories nw...

what we can do is just continue our lives and create memories with others...but the road we take is no longer the same...i mourn over the splitting of the pathway that we gonna take...

u are once my best friend...(i mean a few of u)
i like to laugh with u guys..and do some crazy things together...

one thing to raise up here, which deep inside me long time ago...a question for everyone:
why do ppl changed when they faced stress or condition benefits them? i guess no one will like to do sth that would make ppl feel disgusting over them unless they dun realise it or they don't know or sadly to say, they might be doing it in purpose coz they know it will benefits them...

stress doensnt mean anything actually if u treat it lightly...take it easy...
coz i bet once in the future u look back on ur life, u will realised that u've missed and lost so many precious things last time ... it's not worth it to trade ur precious friends and relationships etc (those u couldnt buy in cash) with ur measly pride and selfish behaviour... ur self esteem doesnt gets higher coz of this...

i do need u all to encourage me whenever i feel down...
coz i realised there're times that i'm weak...and i need help...
don't ever doubt over ur power of influencing me..
u can make a change at me..
slap me to wake me up if i'm in deep mistake...
life's in hazy and unclear...
age that can easily lost ourselves..
we need more faith and care ~

do show ur love!


dear friends,
my best regards
cheahyin :)

boring update of mine...

after entering clinical life...

it's not easy...

1stly to say is i've halfly quit playing msn chatting, skype and facebook...

but due to mobile digi can access facebook without charge, that's why u guys can still see me online updating my latest status...

was not in best shape recently...

i realised that once enter clinical year...

it's not that the study method is different, u have to learn how to communicate with patients, and also u need to see the mood of those M.O and H.O...

if the previous night they get enough sleep, and those patients are all okay, not really critic, and they're not busy then u get the chance to talk to them and ask them to teach u, maybe show inserting cannula and teaching u the simple procedures like ecg, and those kind of "sup sup sui" things...(since i'm still a child in clinical experiences, that's what we're learning...)

most of the time we're clerking the patient in two, i with my groupmate, mainly Julia, we'll go by two, approaching patients and try to talk to them..

and only i realised, it's hard to take the 1st step to talk to the patient, esp those suffer in pain and show a big :( , and some are really like in multiple chest tube, and all the instruments are with them, those we actually din go and approach coz most of these patients are really in chronic stage and kesian them, dun la go kacau wey...let them sleep~~:)

now the main prob with me is, i have to polish up my basic physical examination, try to talk fluent in eng as it's important during care presentation, and so sorry to say, my eng is really SXCKS!

the other thing is, learn how to communicate and live well with my colleagues, coz frankly saying, and daring to say, actually many alr start complaining each other alr...due to? u will know if u're a medical students i think...heheh...else wanna knw just give me a call and i will tell...haha

for me it's not worthy to gaduh gaduh over small small things la...though i oso experience those kind of prob few times when sem starts, but honestly, i'd forgive and forget...everyone needs to pass through all this prob...it's just the matter of time...so, just take it easy la..:)
as long as i gt my friends, my beloved family, and my colleagues supporting me always then i'm fine (after merajuk for some times la of course..)haha...

but last weekend was really a bad weekend for me, i wonder bad luck had chosen my way...
damn me for i'm stupid ke po...that's y i get scolded without a proper reason, and it's not my fault either way..
one or two is enough, i still can bear with it...claim myself bad luck then...but bunch (exaggerating) of ppl treat that i'm a lepas geram tong!! wat the...spoilt my weekend mood...

if i know it earlier, i would rather choose to stay at hostel (though i might be quite emo over too boring) than going out but being qi kek...

i appreciate that at least when i was down, still there are some human be there for me to let me complain to...being very grateful that i found my IC back two days after i lost it...my fault too coz i din check though the blood test counter gal din return to me...learn a lesson*

miss those time when we spent together badly...

realised that some of the things when u lost it, u cant find it back anymore...

relationship is actually maintained both sides, once lost the other side, u cant really chase anything back...

i'm pretty quite sad over some of the friends who stay far away from me, they cant really get to me when i'm down. when i seriously need them...but somehow, i know i've to think in the way that " they are still my friend, just matter of distance, they're actually be my side"...

sometimes, it's actually cheating myself of this kind of thoughts...coz somehow when we're down, we still need a few words of comfort from the important one...that;s how my sadness, emo emo things go away...

anyhow, cant really online coz i cant access internet in my room...that's y u guys wont see me around at msn like last time most of the time...

k la...till here first, time to go ward again...

see ya~
pray for my wisdom and health to strive through these clinical years stuff all the way...

best of luck! ciao~

最近

我不是不知道我其实也没很坚强

只是触碰到的伤口，还是会痛……

还是会觉得很无助

可是每一次伤口开了，过了一天，好了

没事了

后来再遇见什么事，伤口又裂开了

又痛了，又拼命的挣扎了，过了一天，又好了

不断的循环

很是痛苦




我不想强逼自己改变自己

我不想明知那种改变会带来什么样的结果还要作改变

我不想因为环境而改变

看见超恶心的人心~

我感到很没有安全感

哪一个角落可以让我躲一躲？

周围的人都在改变

一直在作改变

看起来那些改变对他们带来很大的利益与好处

在我眼里却是嗤鼻刺眼的一幕幕

我很是讨厌



心里还是压抑着什么

一些很重的情绪总是时有时无

被情绪拉着走



说到我也不知道要怎样接下去了

只能说

现在的我，不是在最好的状态

但是，

我知道接下来的我会活得精彩！

爱——用心

单身并没有什么不好，你一样可以关心你喜欢的人，这样可以让大众觉得你是一个很好的朋友；

而恋爱中的人，关心别人则会引发醋意，从爱情观说也是对爱情不够忠诚，但不关心别人则又失去很多友谊，一旦你分手了，就赔了夫人又折兵。

所以现在单身，不是说你不向往爱情，而是证明你对未来的他的一份痴情。

　　
爱情晚点来，就不会走得太早。
　　
我们不需要靠失恋来成熟，我们应该利用别人失恋的经验成长起来。

　一个优秀的人单身说明这人足够优秀，一个再优秀的人随意恋爱说明这人的优秀只是表面而已，真正希望对方好的，就是默默在背后关心对方。

最好的承诺，不是爱你一万年，而是根本不需要承诺。

学生时代，周围接触最多的人都年龄相仿，所以价值观都差不多，都想着将来有个好工作，有个好恋人。

正因为理想差不多，所以2个人在一起会很开心，也就很容易走到了一起。

至于恋爱是否会影响学习，这里就不说了，因为既有促进作用，也有消极作用，因人而异。

恋人不是靠寻找的，因为在没有完全了解对方之前，对方可以为了吸引你暂时改变自己，而一旦你完全了解对方后，分手就指日可待了。

所以恋爱应该是日久生情，彼此非常熟知后自然地走在一起，甚至无需表白。

不要认为对方人很好就轻易妥协，人好不是爱情的全部，你们必须为爱情的将来做打算。

如果遇到一个你深爱的女孩，而你感觉她也喜欢你，大部分的人都是直接就开始交往了。

这样做的后果就是前面所说的，最后失去一个深爱的人。

你应该以朋友的名义关心她，在毕业后仍保持联系，然后为了她努力工作。

当你在事业上有所成就后再去找她，如果此时她仍在等你，说明你没看错人。

女孩，如果一个男生他很快就喜欢上妳，那么他以后也会很快就喜欢上别人的。

在学校里的爱情是无知的，在社会中的爱情可能是有目的的，只有遇到逆境仍走下去的爱情才是永恒的。

爱情不是和一个最适合自己的人在一起，而是遇到一个更适合自己的人时，能够坚守自己对所爱的人作出的承诺。

爱情不是两个人眼睛对视，而是两个人的眼光看着同一个方向投视。

网上的“爱你，为你做这些事”看起来很感人，因为大部分人都不是这种爱情。

爱情不是一种潮流，你要有自己的看法，在你的理想恋人未出现时，你要有毅力选择一直单身，而不是找个替代品。

当你做到后，网上传的那些事，在你的爱情中是再基本不过的了。

男生，在谈恋爱时不要抱着不适合就分手的想法，一定要慎重地考虑清楚，女朋友就是你未来的老婆，结婚只不过是多一张无用的纸而已，结婚并不是为爱情加了锁，真正的爱情从来就不需要任何的束缚。

一旦你选择了恋爱，就要有一种责任感，你要为你父母的儿子、你老婆的丈夫、你未来孩子的爸爸负责！

虽然分手是另一段爱情的重新开始，但初恋只有一次，一个人在初恋中对爱情的向往是最多的，而一旦恋爱失败，以后的每一次恋爱中，最难忘的还是初恋。

所以，不是不想恋爱，而是，不想随便的恋爱！


摘自： 爱情记事本

i ain't...

i ain't didn't see your needs...

i ain't didn't realise what you are trying to say...

i ain't cold blooded...

i ain't always trying to escape from you...

i ain't the one you suppose to rely on...

i ain't the one you should trust with...




i ain't...



i can't pick up the responsibility of hurting you...

no....

i can't...

it's painful to live in reality...

but i have to...

and so for everyone...




since when fairy tale seems so impossible and so far from me??

T_T

生活插曲

很衰的我们

怜悯着自己的可悲

今天我们做的事，

应该值得我笑一辈子

首先，我们在julian房讲话讲话

讲话讲话……

突然子萱就说她肚子饿

讲了一声

基本上没人理她

继续



讲话讲话……

“佳韵！我肚子饿！！！”

“你要去那里吃？”我有点良心，回了一句

“去cafe吃咯，不然去那里？不然我吃maggie面了”

“HUH?可以等人打包吗？我不是很饿哦”

“不要…………（拉很长），在等多一下我就自己煮我的maggi面吃了”

“(威胁我！)你又要去cafe吃咩？（显露不是很想吃cafe的感觉）”

“我知道你xxxxx” （这几个字不方便透露，还是当作跳过）

说完，竟然起身要走了

“喂！！！（差不多是尖叫的了）好啦！我陪你去吃”

从床上跳起来

拿了水壶，钱包，换了衣~走！



两个背影就这样消失在A-4-1

走着走着，还看见“首相”在踢球

看到chua yi jiang，比照片肥了一点

很没口德的我丢了一句话：他在adelaide好吃好住是吗？（之前他去了那一趟）

两个人，笑来笑去，走路也歪来歪去，走去faculty cafe



笑点从这里开始：

她=萱， 我=我， 小贩=小贩



我说：为什么没人的？没开是吗？

她：有开有开！我看到有两罐辣椒酱在那边！！ （试问，有谁会用辣椒酱的存在来定店有没开？笑翻天）少人不要紧，现煮现吃，烧烧的，好吃啊！



后来，走到小贩面前，要order：

她：你要吃什么

我：我想吃maggi goreng，（舌头伸出来，吸干流出来的口水）

她：可是我想吃饭，不想吃面

我就order maggi goreng，小贩摇头说没有

她：ada apa?

小贩：nasi goreng kampung, nasi goreng cina, nasi goreng... nasi goreng... nasi goreng...

我：她没有面（失望的表情）

她：酱，我们公私啦！要吃什么goreng?

我：cendawan! 她：paprik! （同时说）

我：paprik什么来的，好吃咩？

她：酱啊，就cendawan 啦

注意！

笑点又来了

小贩开了饭桶的盖

开始从里面拿出一坨一坨的饭

我望了萱，萱望着我

噗嗤一声！又是一个笑翻天

想吃热的饭，结果吃冷饭


后来，小贩配料配配下

突然停下动作

萱就问她：sudah siap a?

这一句，又是大笑一场

因为小贩点了点头




坐下来

准备吃

吃到一半

我突然间说：不是cendawan咩？做么我没吃到cendawan的？

萱就整个“海底捞针”样，“拿！有了！”

又是一轮笑翻天

你们自己看


你找到那蘑菇吗？

放大给你看咧？




呐！这个小小一个！多珍贵！！

malaysia putra university, college 17 proudly present u ~ the nasi goreng cendawan with
BIG CENDAWAN....

笑到乱



吃完的我们

要去装水了，由于自己的block水制

走着走着

看到water cooler好像在沙漠看见绿洲

有水！

冲过去

准备开水时



笑到乱！！

XD


衰成这样

我们两个就只能自己怜惜自己~


=====================================


说回搬家一事

新家

空气清新

目前没有感觉热

晚上睡觉

可能这几天，因为被单要洗了

没用

睡觉没盖被单，其实是我在k17常做的事

反正就没有很冷

就没有用被单的习惯

谁知

搬上来

晚上时，整个云顶高原这样

冷到我第二天起来

有点抽筋的感觉

麻痹是第二个说法

风扇以前要开五号，还嫌热的那种

现在通常就开四号

晚上记得的话转三号

起身时，我会自动转二号或关掉



风景不错

萱说简直不用去Ampang look out point 了

我们的房就有最美的风景

能够的话我想尝试七早八早起来看看会不会看到“日出”

其实，下礼拜我就每天要起早身了

不用特地其实都有机会看~

T_T



这是我窗外的风景

拍出来不是很好看

用自己的眼睛看其实比较美






没骗你！

我真的住四楼！

没电梯啊！！！

research 完毕

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈


我像我的research thesis 致敬！

还想鞠一个躬~

挥一挥手~

说再见~！！





太欢喜了！

真是歇下心头大石

最紧张的presentation也顺利过关了

我很感谢那些在最后一分钟还在鼓励我的“亲朋戚友”们

哈哈！！

本小姐很开心啦~~

我终于可以浩浩荡荡向我新学期出发了！

开心~

开心~~

开心~~~



感谢在我上台之前，那些给与我比了个“加油”的手势的你们

让我信心又加了一点

谢谢你们告诉我一切都ok的

“只要当在座各位是你的朋友"

“平常心！平常心”

“你能做到的！”

谢谢你们的鼓励！

我做到了！！


哈哈哈~

我的心跳代表着对你的思念

之前终于有机会跟妈妈回一趟外婆家

虽然说外婆已不在


熟悉的路途

熟悉的感觉

同样的车子

同样的人物

我有一种很复杂情绪

但穿插着简单的思念



一路上的奔驰

我有些感动自己终于可以回到充满回忆的地方

小时候的童年莫过于这片土地




车子转弯进熟悉的小巷

我们……

到了。




木屋

人去楼空

一草一木不再依旧

取而代之是野草丛生

屋前的庭院近乎倒塌




家钱的一间小木屋也不见了

听妈妈说是被铲泥机铲走了

它可是我们小时候说的“鬼屋”

由于非常的陈旧

再加上遗放在那里，没人打理

白蚁早就侵占多个角落

倒塌是在我童年时就预料之事

更何况

现在外婆不在





一下车

我闻到很熟悉的味道

坦白说

我是怎么都很难相信外婆不在大约五年之久了

太熟悉

太习惯

仿佛她就在那个木屋里

可是我知道

她始终只是活在我的回忆里





唉~多少个夜晚

我梦见了她

灿烂的对我笑着

逗着我玩

如今人事已非





鼻子一酸

还是不提了

我踩在那片土地

仔细一点，

是被枯叶重叠后，被大雨灌溉后的土地

土壤有点松

我很熟悉的跳下车

一切又是那么的--- 熟悉





走廊上，

我笑着对妈妈说

以前我就是一屁股坐下去，

再多翻几个圈，

在地上滚来滚去

我的衣服也沾不上一点脏

说那走廊是一尘不染一点也不过分

小时我若是穿着鞋子踩上去，

外婆就会脸臭臭的拿起扫把

我走一步，她就扫一步

还边扫边念

想起都觉得自己太过调皮

总是惹她生气





以前

妈妈不让我喝汽水

外婆的仓库房总是有一箱箱的玻璃瓶装的汽水

她会总是叫我去拿来喝

而老妈就会用一种"你要是喝，你等下就不用上车！"的眼神看住我

当然我那么聪明

我就偷偷喝！

喝了瓶子放回箱子，老妈就不知道啦！

哈哈哈哈！！




童年

就是这么的快乐

而这些快乐

都是外婆带给我的






屋子旁的山竹树，好像在外婆去世后不久

被我住在附近的姨丈砍了

妈妈前吩咐万吩咐别砍

可是也不知道是不是那棵树放在那会咬到他

他还是砍了

我就是若是表哥看到这张文章我还是要讲

我很生气！

为什么砍了它？

它在我还没出世就已经种在那里了

可说是见证我长大的

季节一到还会结果子给你吃

它咬到你啦？

干嘛砍阿？

土地又不是你的

干嘛砍了，自己种没用的东西？

每次到这里看到整个好像荒山野岭酱我就很不爽

种也就算了

不会打理下吗？

整个被搁放着

要种又不要打理

我真的是…………





后来我走进走廊

从腐朽不堪的木板

透过掉下的几片木板

我窥视家里的每个角落

桌子、厨子、餐具、锅子……我看的是厨房

其他的地方若非开门进去

我看不见

多么令人回味的地方

我仿佛还可以看见小时候的自己跑来跑去

在那个地方

跟表哥表弟们玩捉迷藏

四处追来追去

看看自己

现在身旁的每一物一件

都变得渺小了

我，

长大了

以前的条走廊对我来说很大

现在

只可以走我一个

惭愧~




进入外婆家的小巷

再延续走下去

就是阿姨的家

可是

在我们跳上车子准备离开的时候

妈妈问我：要去找阿姨吗

我只冷冷的回答：有话说就去，没说就这样咯

大概

我真的不知道该说什么

小时候跟阿姨们的感情还算浓厚

现在

长大了

随着外婆也过世了

变成生疏了




在油门踩下，挥袖离去之前

我回头望了望

多么希望再一次投入外婆的拥抱

就那么的一次

留恋她身上的味道





雨，继续下

我想你们了。

听回《亲人》

还是有种感动的感觉。

朋友们，

我想你们了。

T_T




想太多。

想很多人

想不在世上的

想在身边的

想不在身边的

想很多很多




:(

可不可以……


你们永远陪着我


不要离开我


任凭病魔、时间、距离、误会、任何任何……


都不要隔开我……


因为


我不喜欢只能想念，


却动不着，摸不到，看不见，听不到……


它


让我好空洞。








外婆，


我又想你了


可是我却不知道


怎么


表达


对你的


思念。

转po

1.当你收到“你干嘛呢？” 实际上是想说“我想你了”

2.当你收到“呵呵”，多是没笑或者傻笑

3.但如果是“哈哈” “嘿嘿”或者“嘎嘎”，这时你打过去一定是在笑

4.说你“傻瓜” “笨蛋” 其实是关心你，担心你，希望你照顾好自己

5.如果是问句结束，其实是希望能和你多聊一会儿

6.“哦”多半是在敷衍

7.但如果是“知道啦” “收到” “遵命”之类的则表示比较在意

8.有时劝你忙自己的，其实他口是心非

9.把他的傻事 丢脸的或是失落的事告诉你，是希望你安慰他，开导他，甚至骂骂他

10.主动发给你，说明你在他心目中有一定的分量，一般人不喜欢和不在意的人罗嗦

11.如果给你起外号，是希望你可以记住他多一点

12.“我刚到” “我已经到家咯”说明进屋第一个想到的是你

13.“你到家了就告诉我一声啊” “你到家了没啊？”意思是我要你一定平安，我不许你有事

14.有时不会那么巧就错发给你，可能是他想发给你又实在没东西发，虽然这样很蠢

15.收到“转发2人会幸福哦”，是他觉得这条短信很有意思，但是又不忍心让你转发给10个人，就偷偷的把10改成了2

16.凡是那种“不转发就会不幸”诅咒性质的，他不是没有收到过，但是绝不会转发给你

17.有一阵你没有收到过他的短信，但并不代表他草稿箱里没有

18.如果可能，他晚上不关机就是因为你



在别人的blog看到的

有点感动，有点觉悟

有点明白为什么

可是，

这一些会不会是“想太多”？

学习让步，柔和。

箴言14：29 不轻易发怒的，大有聪明；性情暴躁的，大显愚妄。

箴言15：1 回答柔和，使怒气消退；言语暴淚，出动怒气。

箴言15：18 暴怒的人挑启争端；忍怒的人止息纷争。

最近常常看见，听见很多人因为发怒而毁了要好得感情。也因为事事不能忍让，造成不必要的争吵。生气，是一种情绪，能产生恨、不忿、埋怨、妒忌、甚至报复的心态。其实同样的，恨、不忿、埋怨、妒忌也可以导致生气。相同的是，这些都是一些不好的情绪。

最近我自己本身也面临很多压制这种情绪的问题。也积极在学习如何让自己“看开一点”。

很多事情，不是在我们控制范围当中，有些甚至没有解决方法。你只能任由事情继续发生，继续演变，你也不能像个数学题般，找出解决方案。能够做的只有调理自己看事情的角度以及态度。

说起来容易，但做起来并非简单。人，习惯了自我。什么事都习惯用自己的想法、态度去看每一件事，钻牛角尖。当事情不如想象中的发展或控制，往往就开始埋怨、不好的情绪也依旧跟着来。

我仍然还在学习当中，因为有些事，我真的不能掌控，也不能解决，只能调整自己的态度，学习“看开一点”。

自己最近也一直面对着生活的试炼，像是常常会听到一些不好的语言相向。一般人听见应该会顶撞。有些人觉得是一种自我保护的自然现象，他骂我，我为什么要忍？他错，为什么我还要让他？

其实对与错，有什么关系？重要的是，需要为了这些小小的对与错闹翻了天吗？两个人之间的感情不是更重于这些对错？不值啊……

言语，我也在学习。方式柔和，其实可以避免很多不必要的争执发生，很多的争吵，很多时候都是因为语气问题。学习温柔点，有耐心点，有爱心一点，将会改变很多的结局。

仁爱、喜乐、和平、忍耐、恩慈、良善、信实、温柔、节制。

哪一样你有，哪一样你没有？

字面上的意思，每个人都懂，每个人都了解。只是，谁会真正说了，做出来？放在脑袋的记忆卡里，免得自己再次动了唇舌之战？

也许有人会觉得我在说废话，因为这些多半是道德教育，可是让我真正的看见这些感情毁灭发生在我眼前的，我才明白这些所谓的道德教育，是多么的重要！若爱，请表现出来。

想说：当感情因为争吵而毁灭，互相攻击，互相伤害，看了我很心痛。不应该，不应该因为小小的争吵，赔上这种珍贵代价。感情的建立需要时间，需要精神，需要长久经营，为什么瞬间的怒气/不忿，就可以轻易毁灭它？这让我想到之前听过的，人要控制要克制的两大关要器官：舌，脑(思想)。舌头是最毒的武器，脑是关键的主脑。

分享：

有个比较情绪化的朋友，我真的发觉有时我不懂要怎样去跟他沟通。这一刻，他可以还在跟你开玩笑，下一秒，他就在那里发脾气，说气馁话（fui hei wa ）in Cantonese.

坦白说，有时真的很顶不顺这样子的人，尤其是说fui hei 话的，你不知道应该安慰他，还是劝他。有时会劝到很反感，很累。因为甚至你不确定到底他是讲爽的，还是他真的那么伤心、难过。太频率，频率到你已经不想理会这个人。因为，就算你不理他，过后他还是会好好的，好像什么事都没有。我不知道是我应该学习更加有耐心，更加友善一点，还是问题根本出现在他。好几次，有劝他要改掉这样的习惯，但是好像都没有什么反应。我想我需要学习更多。

换句话说，沟通成为我目前主要需要学习的东西。对朋友，同学，教授，医生，尤其家人。

有时候，我容忍一切，不是因为我屈服，不是因为我认同，而是我爱。

不想让任何言语上的刺激，破坏感情，所以我做出让步。

请不要再利用我的让步，做出进一步的伤害。

它会使我渐渐衰退，消耗我仅有的宽容。

我不是在说大话，我说的……是我心底里最深的恳求。

拜托，绕过我吧~