她说 -- 他说 3

她累了……

不知是种解脱/结束？

如果说是解脱

他的放手

为什么她会觉得痛？

如果是种结束

她为什么失去了知觉？



在他们之间，

有爱吗？

因为有爱

所以才觉得痛苦？

是这样的吗？

如果痛苦？

那爱呢？

爱的意义呢？




是他先让她爱上他的

却也是他先放弃了她

她被缓缓地楸起

却被狠狠地摔下来

她能够怪谁？

只能默默承受那被甩下的落寞




心总是痛的

问题还是在的

她却总爱对自己说：

睡一觉起来

什么事都没有了

会好些的




她总是逃避着问题

每次也总算让她过了一关又一关

可这一次

怎么一觉醒来

心口却还是隐约的作痛？

可悲的事

她却还是要硬撑着当没事




什么时候

连看见他

都有种沉重的感觉？

什么时候她的笑容渐渐因他而淡化？

什么时候她才能学会独立？




要拐多少个弯

她等的人会来？

守护她

不再让她憔悴？




谜底什么时候解开？

家

突然……

很想念爸爸……

比起妈妈……

他是一个我不是很常想起的爸爸……



“爸爸……”
“爸……”
“阿爸咯……”
“老豆……”
“Mr.Chow……”


“妈……”
“妈咯……”
“咪……”
“咪啊……”
“娘……”


都是从小到大，我叫爸妈的方式

很熟悉
很习惯的

有想过如果有一天再也唤爸妈了吗？




我有……

有时我常唤着唤着“妈妈”……

老妈曾经几次觉得我在戏弄她……

因为每次我都是唤着唤着……

没有要跟她说话的意思……

只是“叫爽”而已……

哈哈……



爸爸……

此刻我想起了他

凶起来可以很凶

玩起来可以很颠

有点害臊

有点含蓄

不爱表达

这就是我爸




他常引我为荣

他很少亲自打电话给我

因为他想我时，总是叫妈妈打给我

而自己在听筒旁边按着耳朵偷听

有话就写在纸上，让妈妈转告我

他就是那么的含蓄



他做事情总是小心翼翼的

细心地

有责任感的

他是个大丈夫

也是个大男人

他是个虔诚的基督徒。




从我懂事以来

他就不再牵着我的手

一双经历沧桑的双手

很厚实的

附有安全感的手

在记忆中，

从他手心传来的温度

就像水分渗入土壤的感觉

传进心里

暖暖的

驱走恐惧

驱走寂寞

孤单……




他一手赚钱盖了房子

买了车子

养大我们三兄妹

他的肩膀有多沉重

我无法想象

也没办法推测



感谢神，

他是我的爸爸

一个非常负责任的爸爸

给了我一个温暖的家

让我吃最好的

穿最暖的

我要什么就有什么

从来没缺




也感谢妈妈

十月怀胎

生下了我

一手把我抚养长大

让我在健康的环境下成长

感谢你聆听我的心事

开导我每一件事

帮助我每一个困难

谢谢你温柔地陪伴着我长大



爸妈，

想说：谢谢你们给了我那么棒的家庭成员

感激你们为我牺牲的每一件事

没有你们的栽培就不会有今天的我。





p/s: 一定是想家想疯了！

无聊的星期

最近想家毛病又犯了！

好久没回家了的感觉

自从上一次upm被隔离后到现在

也有两个月了

想家……想家……想家…………

最近不是每件事都很顺利

心情也平平

学习着很多事情

需要时间来重新调理自己的心态

不想再被无谓的事情困扰

“生活可以很简单

有时傻傻地过就好

没有必要太认真对待每一件事

只会让自己觉得沉重而已”

一位朋友跟我说的

哈哈……

也许吧……

原来要学着如何看开点野蛮难的……

我有时还真的觉得自己老是跟自己过意不去

最后折磨得还是自己

唉……

期待着开斋节的假期

很久没见到我家人了

尤其是哥哥……

上次我回家时，他都没回家……

而且老是以考试为由拒绝跟我在msn多谈……

最近有生活没目标的感觉……

没有什么冲进力……

等待神迹出现……

希望一切能如我所求的一样……

明天出街看David介绍的《杀人犯》！！

yay!!!

刺猬语录

刚刚看回以前的一个旧blog.发现自己慢慢的学会成长了

虽然有些改变可能会是不好的

但是至少我是明白了一些理由、原因而在慢慢的做改变

很多人在成长的过程中有不少的矛盾

像是：应该为环境而改变自己吗？

变得自私自利？人不为己天诛地灭？

不是的...

生活在社会不一定要把自己变得像魔鬼一样

处处想办法从别人身上得到利益

越是这样的世界，那就更应该保守自己真纯的心

让世界有增加一些美好的角落

有些人说我对他好，他却没有像我对他这般对我好

其实不是的

对别人真诚，是不会期待别人回报的

会说的人很多

但往往能够做到的又有几个？

之前的我对别人好

我不知自己是否真的有在期待着什么

我是这么想的：就算你没以同样的手法对我，那至少别伤害我吧？

但是偏偏，别人往往在一个不注意伤害了自己脆弱的心灵

不是人家不在乎你，而是你把别人看得太重

造成往往期待着对方会以心比心的方式来对待你

有时就是那么纯的一颗心

却还是会被伤害

他们不是坏人

他们有他们对待别人的方式




自己的方式只是适合自己的

别勉强别人以同样方式对待你

你的真心，人家会感受到的

很难说如果别人刮了你一巴掌

他要刮你第二巴掌，也许还能忍耐

但第三巴掌，我可不担保我会继续站着给他刮

给与以前的我也许早已一拳挥回去

但现在我想...

我会离开现场

我只是一个血肉之躯

我不是神

有感觉、有感受

我不做伤害别人的事

但同时我不想让自己赤裸裸的被人伤害

我想也没那个必要




刺猬的脸也许也写着：不要来惹我！不然你会伤痕累累！
哈哈...

忘了吗？

刺猬还小的时候身上是没刺的

长大了...

因为要保护自己的缘故

所以才立起身上的刺以免被其他的动物欺负

我会学习着刺猬的态度

小心翼翼的攀爬着

寻找自己的道路

How to live a happy and rewarding life.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.


When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to... today".


Live with 2 E'S ... ENERGY, ENTHUSIASIM, EMPATHY, and the 3 F's... FAMILY, FAITH AND FRIENDS.


Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and the under the age of 6.


Dream more when you are awake.


Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.


Realize that life is a school, and you are here to learn, pass all your tests.Problems are simply part of curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.


smile and laugh more. It will keeps the energy vampires away.


Life isn't fair, but it's still good.


Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.


Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagreements.


Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up with your present.


Don't compare your life with others'. you have no idea what their journey is all about.


Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.


No one is in charge of your happiness except you.


Forgive everyone for everything.


What other people think of you is none of your business.


Time heals almost everything.Give time, time.


However good or bad a situation is, it will change.


Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.


No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.


Call your family often.


The best is yet to come.



* taken from email.

8 minutes in library computer room..

after MS assesment, i dont really have mood to back to study again...
though my notes are accumulating once again..
but i just dont have motivation to start at least highlighting again...

homesick maybe?
i miss those days when i just need to go school and playing around in class with friends...and when came back home, mummy cook lunch for me...
and i have to rush and ate it as soon as possible as i have to rush for the tuition class on 2:30pm
haiz...
since enter U, many problems rise up...
perhaps we are not teenage anymore...
growing up and start to enter a mature life style...
many problems need to think of alr...
sometimes just feel that me myself think too much alr...
sometimes being too care of sth will eventually make u fall into troubles...

haiz...
not in a good mood nor bad mood..
just moodless...
later going midvalley go shopping..
tomorrow go genting with coursemates...
life seems very playful..
but i dont know why just cant cheer myself up...
i'm TOO sentimental??
it's not a good thing afterall...

feelings keep on accumulate inside myself which i cannot express it out in certain condition...
being mature...sometimes is really torturing...
coz we need to consider every action we are going to take...
the consequences if i do so? or if i do not do so..
how nice if i just can shouted it out and mess the thing up and dont give it a damn and chiao..
but responsibilities tied me up...
i do not dare to take the risk...


again 3 minutes later have to attend another class..
just feel like i'm a bit useless and my body cant really cooperate with my mind d..
since i wanna to focus during lecture but my eyelids keep on wanna drop down ...
mind not functioning well...
though i know what should i do and what i shouldnt...
but sometimes i just wanna do sth i shouldnt do and strive over everything...
AARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


what should i do???
neither i choose go or not go oso gt problem one..
sien!!!
i think i shouldnt stay alone...
coz i will keep on thinking other nonsense thing...

by the way,
I LOVE MIX UP WITH CHURCH FRIENDS...
lol...
"BANGI SATAY~ ROX!!!"

她说 -- 他说之 信仰与坚持

很可惜

相爱却不能在一起

因为信仰

因为理念

因为坚持



明明互相欣赏

互相喜欢

到相爱相恋

但却到最后

因为不被认同

而忍痛分开



她有很多很多从心底的话想对他说

他同样也有很多很多事情想与她一起分享，一起做。

但偏偏，

这份爱不能被表达出来

多可悲~



他们

惟有维持朋友关系

互相推开彼此

像磁铁互相排斥




但心里的感觉是要到什么时候才熄灭？

会熄灭吗？

会因时间而淡化吗？

还是

他们会越来越累

因为明明想把对方搂进怀里、完全拥有

但却连一份过份的关心都不可以表露




如果是爱，不是应该经的起考验吗？

还是

他们会一天比一天更爱对方？

更思念对方？

那时间、苦苦为此仅仅的朋友关系，

是为了什么？




坚持与任性

往往只差一线

到底他们的执着

是坚持？

还是任性？

还是……比这些还要多？

信仰呢？




没有同样的信仰

等于没有同样的目标、路途、观念

那是该早日放弃？

还是坚守有奇迹出现的那天？



他和她*

他们*

是对的吗？

Tasik Chini trip!! AWESOME!!!

HI~~!! everyone...
i'm back from tasik Chini~Pahang..
it was a awesome trip...
Thank God that i insist to join them even i know that maybe if i join the trip, i couldnt even pass my musculoskeleton assesment...

Thank God that now, i have just after my assesment...
but havent know the result yet...
hoping i will at least pass lar...

the trip was really a nice experience...
though i have bitten by insectss and mosquitoess...
but i never regret that i join the trip..
haha...
we, the 2nd year actually responsible for handling the kids over there...
in short, we were like a sunday school teacher ...
i love the kids there...
especially when they were focusing to colouring the picture...
i have thousands of pictures gonna upload here...

LET'S BEGIN OUR JOURNEY~




Love is always the biggest~~





after a long run...
finally we arrived...
(so excited to see this road sign board...)




one of the view when heading to tasik chini...








tis is the tree that planted beside our house...




josephine 採了颗吃，结果才发现坏了！哈哈。。。




this is a place called - place to wash baju~ haha....




corridor~







yaya...welcome welcome to tasik chini`~
hehe...






i like tis very much...it will be very nice to be used when it comes to night, provided mosquitoes repellant is fulling working .！！ haha...
or else, it will be very hot and get bitten by insectssss....






totally there were 4 cars driving there..
Mr.Yap's, Kah Chuan's, Joshua's, Frankie's...
i was in Frankie's ...(Sabah-ian..)




yeah~!! Sing Seng was teaching us the story to be told to the kids~~
see~ how serious he was!! lol....




Hui Moon...the gal with guitar...
a very tough gal physically...
i like her style! haha...



this father actually playing cheat huh!! haha...
coz we ask the kids to colour the picture we provided...but he's so nice that he help his son (maybe) to colour it up!! haha...
so nice~




they were so shy when they found out i was shooting at them...
lol...they were really pure and cute!!
their smile were really sweet~!! just that i failed to capture the nice one...





she's Keren....a very shy gal too..
i was beside her to teach her colouring the picture...
lol...trust me she's really cute!!
when 1st we were worshiping, she already noticed me, and i keep stared at her..
she's really really cute!





they were receiving lollipop!! haha....




this "gal" was really really cute!! i bet she's too young to tell what's her name..
when i asked her what's her name, she just smile with a little bit fear ...
and the gal beside her help her to answer me pula...
and i asked her to write down her name on the picture paper...
she wrote "Mulan"
but the gal told me that her name is Sarina!!
so....anybody can tell me what's her name actually?
Sarina or Mulan??? lol...until now i still dunno...
lol...





they were (frm left): Keren and Angelena~





she was focusing to colour up the "caterpillar"..haha...




this was made by Angelena...haha...
she even colour up the eyes and tongue which we, the "kakak-kakak" din ask her to do so...
she's really funny lar~






Angelena and her sister...Nikita~
they were really pretty...
especially the sister Nikita...
looks like foreigner...
not same with the other children...
looks really different..
and Angelena...i can bet u, she looks even prettier than Angelena Julie~
lol....




she was unaware when i capture down her...
lol...totally focusing man!





these two gals...
wahhahahaha....
really funny lar..
especially the right hand one..
she clips her hair up with 3 flowers over her head...lol...
the left one...really sweet when she smiles...




these lollipops, we use it to seduce them to listen to us...
lol....






i capture this when Frankie was driving...lol...
the roads were really narrow...
hard to drive actually...







these are the views when we drove around the tasik chini...




they are not that "ulu" lar...
they got cars...lol...








sampat jessie...
cam whooring all the time!!








their houses...
living in a simple house with a simple life...




caps were really important under big big SUN!!






the four guys~~ haha...
F4?? haha...





this is TOILET!!!







we live in JONES' HOUSE...haha...
he treat us very nice actually..
cook for our meals...




the bridge...





the monkeys...
hahaha...





this is MR YAP actually..
haha...
looks like a drawing picture right??
nice nice~~ my photo skills are good! lol..







they were civil engineers~~!!!
geng!!!








the loving birds~~~ how sweet~




the view when i sit at the end of the bridge...tasik chini~





we were having uncle jones' meal~





Frankie...
haha...sit alone de? emo??
haha ....at the end jessie and i go and accompany him..
sit beside him...lol...






ah Seng with his boat!! haha...
the boat will sink if we use it..
lol....





*sign board~!




frm left: loving birds whispering...Jewel ...the right one..how pity! haha...











the last video must see!!!
haha...


till here 1st...
tata~~