空

我想，我是累了


原来一直对关心自己的人说“我很好，我没事”

会让自己踩入更深的寂寞

worst day i had...

hello everyone..

i had a very bad day here..

haha!

not feeling like going to be angry or cursing or blaming anyone beside me now...

since it's all my fault anyway..

gonna announce that :

i've lost my phone..

i'm not going to use maxis anymore...

sigh..a bit sad of it coz it's my number ever since form 2 til now...

and my bro is having a quite similar number with my maxis number..

sigh~

the number....i'm not gonna claim it back alr since i gt no handphone to use and i'll afraid of if i lost it again?

phobia alr...



to everyone who's concerned, please contact my digi number instead of maxis start from now..

u're not gonna get any reply from maxis of course ...

i'm so sorry for the inconvenience caused...




a bit depressed today...

start from the beginning of the day, i've a mild shock from my groupmate who said that i've to find a long case on the spot to present this morning...

and either me or the other groupmate gonna be the presenter to a high-expecting and can kill u by his eye sight doc...

can u imagine what's the feeling?

somemore the previous day my the other groupmate done very well in presenting case, he's very happy with it, can u imagine if i bull shit in front of him the next day??

i will spoil his mood and my groupmate's effort...

or maybe he will disappointed on me only la actually...which is sth i afraid of...

i hate seeing disappointing face...

that's why i'm stressed~!

and anyhow by the time i managed to find a case and try to practise in short time, my group leader said that he went to meeting alr...

which means i gt to present the case on the afternoon to the other doc...

which make me feel cannot relieved and continue stress up...

i think that's why my head start to pain and having throbbing sensation on my head which make me feel bad...



later in time, luckily still i managed to present it...and finally time to go back k17

who knows today bus driver use another road to go back hostel..

i actually told him that i'm rushing time..

but he claimed that it's the same distance road and it's gonna take same time to reach...

and finally ended up, he went to petrol station and fill in full tank which use about 15 minutes staying at the petrol station~!

gosh~! i dun care wat day he wanna fill petrol, whenever he wanna refill just go ahead, i'm just wondering why he's so cute...knowing that i;m rushing time yet he's still using his big butt and walk slowly, do everything slowly ?

cute bus driver~~ make us wait for him for the first day of this week going to hosp kajang...and waste my time at the end of the week...



back to hostel, realise that i lost my handphone..dunno wat can i do..

i was having mix feeling when i get to know it..

guilty and scare of being scolded?

not being responsible of my belongings???

i dunno wat should i do...

i was blank...how could it happen to me...wat am i doing?

haiz...

finally, being late to start our journey to bkt jalil...

making hui shan to be late to back home and choose to go back hosp kajang to try to find it again and of course i failed...

jessie missed the gathering chance with her friends, which make me even feel worse...

hui shan's mom calling her asking why so late havent up bus yet...

and jessie's mom was worrying her late-coming-back daughter..


all because of me....

i'm deeply sorry yet i dunno how to express it ...

coz i'm having hard feeling in me too...



daddy and mom called me, and i choose to tell the truth...

surprisingly they're not very angry over it, on the other hand,mom asked me to back tmr...

saying that it's a bit too late for me to back alone..dangerous and all kind of stuff ....

make me feel really really warm..thanks mom~! (even the nex moment after that, she started to nag over me saying that how could i lost the thing)..but still~ i appreciate it alot.

second time, daddy calling...lagi stress to pick up the phone...

and again surprisingly...daddy din say much..just ask me how i lost it and he said that actually morning when he called my maxis, still ringing de...but now all in voicemail alr...

then he console me saying that, what has happened alr happened... no point of saying anythg...

i feel really much more relieved...




safely send hui shan go bkt jalil and i bought a ticket of 9am tmr...

then jessie and i depart to go for dinner together..


sincerely a BIG THANKS to jessie that helped me alot in this critical time...

i'm so so sorry over it of wat has happened to u at the end after u choose to help me...

like nearly kena saman??

haha~! we can never get together nex time...really can happen alot of things...

i pray much gao gao of the police wont send any saman to ur house~! or else, i think i will share the saman with u...if the saman is rm300?? haha...cant manage to pay it all la...

i promise here..



thanks a lot of having a sweet dinner with me..which then making me feel much more better alr...




p/s: i din feel like cursing the thief of stealing my belongings since part of it, it's my fault of din really take care of my stuff...somemore, i think he/she must be in a very difficult condition or guilty to steal my phone... lagipun, i'm not sure whether i lost it myself or actually gt ppl steal it in purpose though i think the latter one will stand a higher percentage since i realised actually gt ppl touched and moved by beg...

i just hope that one day, someone or some little humanity side of u will make u realised of stealing other's ppl things is not a good habit no matter how hard situation are u in...

thanks Lord anyway of blessing me for the safe journey back to dong's house...at least, i think we're blessed to not kena that saman~! have faith, i put my trust...



being thankful that , no matter what situation i'm in, i know You are always beside me and bless me~ thank you Lord Jesus...

not-well.

not very well these few days...

having stomachache...

gas inside my stomach without known cause

definitely not because of skipping meal coz i'm taking meal everyday...

:(

想到什么，写什么

上个周末过得还算充实

拜五就找dong，直接到星期日才回来

吃了snowflakes, subang murni 算是最大的“心愿”

两个人星期日去one u（不是看力宏去）

而是吃士林鸡，顺便觉得逛街最佳首选是one u

所以才去的

不好意思，好像很不给脸的感觉

我是不想阻碍交通，已经那么多人看了

就让力宏迷看得开心点

我就只要在经过时，看看那些“热情”的粉丝~

XD

很多人都说他本人超级帅~！

我就没眼福啦~

哈哈！



买了条裤子，蛮满意的

反正也很久没血拼了~

钱包有点出血

可是，很爽！！

XD

*两个人逛街的感觉很好！



******************************************************************


突然看回家的照片~

有东西要炫耀一下

有些东西，你们是妒嫉不了那么多的啦~

爸妈基因遗传~

我就是那么的可爱！！




哈哈哈！~

当时我是刚睡醒~

我叔叔都我笑的~

笑得很自然……

还有好几张

是连环照来的

笑到翻肚子的那种~

哈哈！！

真佩服我可以可爱到那种地步

；P

以后我的孩子应该还可以比我更可爱！

哈哈~

XD







这个呢~

是我在阿姨家旁拍的

很明显

我很害羞啦~

裙子都被我捉了起来~

XP



太~~~可爱了！！

哈哈！！



要看更多？

期待下一次啦~

这些绝对是超级无敌珍贵的照片！

ALL COPYRIGHT RESERVED~!

哈哈~！



**************************************************************

幸福是，做想做的事，听你喜欢的歌，怀念最美的回忆，喝一杯幸福的饮料，听着六弦之歌，与温暖的人相知相惜~

:)

随便啦~

发现其实没什么好强调的

一些顺其自然就好

你想怎样就怎样

反正强逼后的结果不会是我想要的

唉~随便你吧~

XD



不理了~

做回自己！

emptiness

emptiness-

it's not the feeling of craving for sth..

it's that, when u find nothing can replace the emptiness of your heart..

sth very shallow inside u, but yet very deep to reach...



boresome hit me gao gao when the world stop spinning..

not that i don't know how to appreciate the people around me...

not that i don't appreciate that they are making jokes and funny stuff to amuse me...

but it's all about oneself...

something that is internal...

trying to do sth to satisfy myself, make me thinks that i'm useful...

ya, i guess the feeling is the feeling of uselessness...

i cant satisfy myself sometimes, i don't get to reach my expectation sometimes...




i know that there are moments that i need to slow down my pace to let myself get some rest...

but whenever i stop, i dont think i worth the rest, coz i've been resting all the while...

what's the point? rest doesn't cure the feeling inside me anyway...





not many that knows what i need and what i hope...

some compliment and encouragement keeps me moving on...

but how about the times when no one encourage me and i'm all alone?

still, i'm not tough enough??





* it's nice to hear one said :" girl, u have a nice warm hand, and a warm heart.."
though by that time, i'm touching a pair of cold hand...

the word "warm", just simply makes me feel that i've did sth! at least, i've send a temperature impulse to his brain~

哥哥

王力宏-哥哥

你说你是哥哥我是弟

你要为我遮风挡住雨

再难的路也要在一起

一心找到人生的的路基

我有你这哥哥在心里

我要为你遮风挡住雨

想说的话永远说不清

手足的情

兄弟的心

哥

小时候一直问你

为什么你是哥我是弟

哥

你总是那样严厉

为什么爱我 从不放弃

哥

在风雨中看见你

为什么你始终没泪滴

哥

我要和你站在一起

我知道你也没大力气


*****************************************************************


小时候，也没想太多“哥哥”是什么意思

就是，嚷着嚷着~

玩的、闹得、吵的、都叫着“哥哥”~

我被爸爸妈妈抱在手腕的时候

我总是爱扯“哥哥”的头发

妈妈告诉我的，

恰巧还有一张照片正好拍着我拉着他的头发~哈哈




稍微大了一点，会跑会跳了

我常常就追着哥哥跑

哥哥也常常闹着我玩

我越哭，他们也更兴奋~XD

玩着玩着~

闹着闹着~

也不知道这些画面残留多少回忆在脑海



妈妈告诉我

后来哥哥到了上学的年纪

我因为不舍得哥哥

每天在哥哥坐在门口穿着校鞋准备要搭巴士的时候

我总是站在那里看着

尽管那时清晨，

我还是会起身看着哥哥上学去

后来的我，听说还向妈妈吵着说我也要上学呢！~





穿着深蓝色的校服时期

每当我被欺负时，

他会跳出来，撑我、罩着我

更吓唬那些欺负我的坏蛋男同学

让我觉得很神气！

所谓的神气，其实也只不过是一种被保护的安全感~

让我不再害怕

甚至拿哥哥来吓唬那些常常欺负我的同学





到了持身份证的年纪

我们变得爱吵架了

两三天内都会有哭喊的声音

骂来骂去、恶言相向……

像个冤家

互不忍让




后来的我们，随着长大后需要离家升学

哥哥离家了

家里，多了一些多余的沉寂



后来，

我也离家了~


慢慢的~慢慢的……


我慢慢明白，一家人要相处在一起，

能够聚在一起

并非一件自然容易的事



每次，能够有难得相聚，

总是含蓄的嘘寒问暖了几句

藏在心里深深地思念，

始终表达不出来



后来~

升大学了~

相聚的时间更难得了~

哥哥有要忙的事业

有要忙的课业

我们顿时变得有点陌生





有时遇到一些难题，还是会联系上哥哥

即使我已是二十来岁的成人，

哥哥还是一副大哥哥的样子

跳出来，指导我面对问题

好几次

他们的劝导

让我成长




直到现在，

才真正明白

哥哥

是什么样的一个角色

在我生命里带给我什么样的改变



跟哥哥的性格

尤其是二哥的性格太像

也因为这样，

最了解我的人，我哥也~！



哥哥

在我生命中，影响最大



在我心目中，他永远为我遮风挡雨

因为我知道，他总是为我好

不愿我靠近任何危险边界

不至于说疼我，但总是保护我

站在他旁边

就像在我心里打了支强心剂

我什么都不怕



而我也知道

我在他心中，不管年纪多少

我都只是他的妹妹

一个他需要呵护的妹妹





他常告诉我：

做兄妹，一生只有一次

就算你想要再来一次，也未必拥有那种机会

这种缘分要好好珍惜~！



从那一天他说出这句话

我就把他说的话放心底

因为，我看见，我们真的长大了

兄妹是永远有说不完的话

而我很感激

我们真的是无所不谈的-兄妹！

52个白键，36个黑键的旋律

周末回家

我要好好地跟我的钢琴谈一谈恋爱、酿一酿陈旧的感情

好久好久

都没传输手心的热能跟汗水给它了

我想

它应该想我了吧

如果有一首能够代表我最近心情的歌

伴随我的高盐分的水分

我想我会慢慢的告诉它，

生活的谱章~






琴声

是最好的倾诉

真人假人

看见那些在超级市场的假人

在一堆“真人”里

还真的以假乱真

真真假假

我已弄不清楚




假人假人~

你们弄得我好乱~

假人假人~

在面具下，你们到底在想什么？

假人假人~

你们的衣着华丽，内心会不会也能衬托外表的高尚？

假人假人~

几时几时？ 几时几时你们才会觉得累?想要歇息歇息？



假人假人~

可悲的你们

活在真人的影子里

永远围着完美的真人团团转~

原本已没什么尊严的你们

在真人的眼里，更鄙视你们



假人啊~假人~

醒醒吧~

在真人的眼里

瞬间也许分不出真假

但真人与假人的分别是，

真人有长脑袋，

认真一看！

假人还是仿效不到真人

逃不过真人辨别

没用的掩眼法

永远也只是假人~

可悲的假人~

完全没生存的意义.

a nice break..

watched Sorcerer's apprentice today with jessie..

which was a plan spontaneously after our class...

had fun and nice evening with non-rushing small shopping while waiting for the movie time..

(though at first we checked from the net, it suppose gt one show on 410pm, that's why we rushed out on 345pm to get the show, but ended up the show was 545pm)

jessie bought a perfume, the nice part was that both of us testing the smell of the perfume...

now only i found out why people say choosing perfume is troublesome coz when it's too many different types, different brands of perfumes in front of u, u take each of them and test the smell, at the end, u will confused with the favour smell...

coz at the end, it will all smell the same! - bad smell! lolz..

some of the smell was totally making me faint..

but at the end, we managed to get one la..=)

a nice experience anyway...XD

ended up two gals full with different smells walking in the shopping complex...lolz..





Sorcerer is a nice movie, which i think is better than SALT..

i know i sound a bit outdated...>_<||

haha! nicholas cage's simply too yeng even with the old shoes and messy hairs...

the metal eagle and bull and the ferrari and lamborghini if not mistaken were a bonus to the movie...

the moral value of the story: trust that u can make it, though maybe at first everything seems not possible to u...coz when u think it's not possible, u're not gonna to make it in life time... you yourself don't even want to believe in urself, then what's the point of people have trust in you?


IMPOSSIBLE??? better make it IM-POSSIBLE~!

nothing is impossible . impossible is nothing~!

what a day of having a mouth but cant communicate!!

talked to a patient who's deaf...

a very nice experience i've gained...

we first approached her and tried to intro ourselves to her as usual...

but she just stopped us by taking few pieces of paper and started to write...

i was wondering what's she doing...

and she started her first sentence on the paper with : i'm deaf!

and she double underlined it...

surprisingly, she's not upset or in a =( face...

she's smiling sweetly toward us...

and she started to ask us : what's the matter?

suen and i stopped the conversation when one of the H.O asked us to clerk a patient just in front of us that time while we were communicationg to the girl...

and again, surprisingly, the aunty can't talk too...

not because of she has speech problem...but she's semi-conscious with nasal prong helping her to breath...

obviously she has difficulty in breathing...we cant ask open-ended question since she cant even speak and just keep nodding head and shaking head...+ with the eyes closing...(we were wondering is she actually sleeping?)

we were forced to ask closed ended question by asking her to respond by nod head or shake the head if the answer is yes or no respectively...

she once a while opened her eye and looked at us...

i was struggling to ask for the actual answer and make sure she's actually responding and not simply nodding head...

ask again and again... i was a bit exhausted instead of frustrated...

the H.O cant get history and any info from her... i wonder if she continues to be like this, who can get the details from her then?

anyhow, at last, we reluctantly gave up and told the H.O what we got from the "conversation".




then we back to the deaf girl...

my colleague were talking to her...

then i started to notice that she gt one plaster on her left wrist...

one thinking hit my mind-- is she commited suicide?

and i asked my colleague to ask her where and how she got the wound...

and she wrote : trying to kill myself...

we were a bit stunned...

and they decided to stop the conversation and wanna BE-LAH alr..

but i still felt like talking to her...

and i again tried to approach her...

she's totally opposite of one that just committed suicide..

the smile at her face make us feel that she's very cheerful...



i dare myself to ask direct question on why she attempted to end her life...

she replied with quite long saying that she was having a big prob but she promised not to do it anymore...she claimed that she will moved to US to know more about deaf ppl and start her new life over there..

though the main reason of what causing her to hurt herself was not known, but from the conversation, at least, she kinda promise not to repeat it anymore which make me feel happy for her...

at last, due to scare of disturb her or make her recall of the pain, i tried to give her some courage and told her not to hurt herself anymore..not dare to say hurting herself is a stupid act, but i tried to send her a message of everyone around her loves her...

until she finished reading it, i waved my hand and said goodbye, with shaking her hand, wished her all the best and enjoy life at US...

step out away from the bedside, i felt satisfied of one's life has been saved though once it's nearly come to the end...

sincerely wishing her to have a new life there...

and then i realised, morning that time, before these two cases, i've met a chinese old lady who's really weak and nearly fell down when she went to the toilet, who also have communicating problem with us...

not because of she cant speak, not because of she's not conscious, but due to language barrier...

poh poh actually cant speak chinese and the only language she knows is hakka!! haha...

suen even tried to call her aunty to ask how to speak hakka..simple simple like :"why u were admitted to hosp?"

and it turn out to be very funny of two gals who dunno speak hakka trying to speak like a chicken, keep on " ni jor ma gai yip yi yuan??"

"the word "mao" is the best word to add on the last of the sentence to make ppl understand the whole sentence", according to suen....hahahaha!!!

what the.... end up "mao mao mao " there...

damn funny that i actually laugh while we talked to the patient...

but she's too weak to talk more with us...

then ended up, we left without much conversation...



what a day with a proper mouth, but cant communicate well!!

language barrier, not conscious makes ur mouth shut! lolz....

一个人的体验

原来你的沉淀，我会难过

原来你的退出，我会落寞

也许太习惯你沉默的守候

在你离开后，转身才发现，我会不习惯没有你的温度


我，深深地感觉到，我是一个人


我没埋怨你的离开

甚至鼓励你的去向

只是

我没发觉，原来我也会不习惯一个人



原来· · 是你·· 让我觉得不孤单

现在才觉悟，会不会有点晚？

但更令我伤心的是，

你会守护我，真的只是非一般的朋友关系

而我太单纯的以为··· 就算是朋友,你还是会好好的···好好的···在那里




现在，我的生活

让我慢慢地体验“爱”的定义

以前的我以为自己的成熟度对“爱”的了解应该算是满完美了

可是，对于不同的环境带来的试练，

“爱”因此升华了···

一幕幕··· 引进眼帘的···

好几次，让我看了深深被感动

什么是爱？

看到他们的坚持

他们的泪水，他们日夜的守候

他们所付出的，他们努力的

汗水、耐心、忍耐、执着、奋斗到最后的精神

不需显微镜，很清楚，都是爱的表现



白色袍的力量，不是一般的职业精神

它

让我看到的，像是一双散播爱的天使的翅膀

穿着它的每一个人，都努力的给那些无助的灵魂一些力量

爱是什么？

爱不是词句能形容的

付出你的爱，你才会感受到它的存在




爱，不喜欢与泪水共同庆贺

所以

如果你爱你身边的每一个人

不要让他们为你流泪

照顾好自己的身体

不要因为你对你自己身体的不负责任

造成要爱你的人为你心疼

如果你珍惜他们对你的爱···

你就应该尽可能，都要让自己过得好好的




看过这么样的例子：

1- 一个老婆婆，肺积水，因为肾坏掉的关系，需要洗肾，医生巡房时，她问医生那里可以便宜的洗肾？
医生告诉她，她的状况最好是到私人部门去洗会比较好，
婆婆说：“我的女儿都嫁了，她们各有各的家要负担……”
医：“婆婆，你有七个孩子，你可以一个人养大七个孩子，现在七个孩子养不起一个妈妈啊？你以前很有钱么？你养的起他们，他们现在七个养不起你一个？婆婆，没天理啦！婆婆，你不要再有旧的思想啦，什么女儿嫁出去就不是你的女儿了吗？那些思想全部是错的！”
婆婆被医生骂得头头是道，骂得无言了，我有种很想跳起来叫好的感觉，医生简直骂得太好了！我不是赞成婆婆被骂，而是医生刚刚说的一番话太有道理了！
很帅的医生吩咐实习医生通知所有的儿女来见他，他说他要跟他们谈……
到最后婆婆自己也默默地说“医生，你真的很好人！”
太帅了！！！

2- 一个家庭主妇，相信是中风嫌疑被送进院。
她的医药背景很特别，是有产后忧郁症，忧郁症后，根据老公说是变得不爱说话了，每天都睡很多。
感人的一幕是：早上，老公来探望了。老婆哭得很伤心，是挽着老公的颈项伤心的拉着老公的手。听见这番对话：
男：“ngm hou ham a...lou gong ngm zhong yi tai dou lei ham ga....”
"lei mou ham ga, ji ngm ji a? hou fan ngo dei zao fan ngok kei lo, hou ngm hou?"
"lei guai guai dei hai dou yao sek, lou gong dan zhan lei tai lei, fong gou ji hao lei tai lei, hou ngm hou?"

心对心的谈话，听到的人，我想都有种心软的感觉

不做作的对白。

让我看见的，是来自爱的力量。

我想，她，是幸福的女人~

祝福她，早日出院，重回她挚爱的身旁……

我

我是个很平静的人


没有什么特别的理由


我就只想静静的活着（与我的挚爱）


我可以很平静的对每件事都微笑着


对陌生人，我不会有太多的意见


幸福与快乐，我自有我的方法与我身边的人分享





我有我的原则


虽不能说是件好事


但我就是一个这样的人


与我相处其实也没必要有太多的拘束


只需要尊重我


至少……尊重我的存在


尊重我重视的东西


你将得到我相同的重视





要说我小气也罢


我只会当这一切是我的原则


再怎么说，难道每个人不能拥有自己的情绪？


所以也请尊重我也是一个人


我会有情绪


遇到我反感生气的事


我还是会做出常人的反应


我会发小脾气，我会闹


因为我只是一个人


我不是绝种好人


我不是没有脾气的人


如果我的情绪起伏造成你的反感


或者让你觉得很错懊或失望于我的表现


我也只能说：


不好意思，


你不是很了解我





在我哭诉、埋怨时


如果你不明白我的眼泪


就请你默不作声


总好过擅自决定我泪水存在的意义


我的感受不需要你来怜悯


当然也不需要你来同情


如果你愿意倾听我眼泪的控诉


我很感激





真正认识我的人


不是仅是了解我的优点


而是他更明白我所有缺点的由来





只是我怀疑


了解我后的你


会不会因为我的不完美而选择离开……