不是我的 - 手表

我伪装冷漠

接受现实

这只手表

不是我的

我不要

虽然曾经我错以为是我的

我占为己有了

可是

清醒了

也是时候还给人家了

免得你养成了习惯

看惯了时间怎么走

在没有了它以后

你还会不自觉地把穿手表的那只手拿起

却看不见时间

那样的失落

就好像少了什么

还是在习惯之前

把它还了给人家吧




我习惯了

手表一穿

我就穿几年

我不喜欢习惯了一些事

又要重新再来过

习惯一些别的事物

手表穿左手

就是左手

同一个手表

能够的话

就穿个它一辈子

让它跟着我

陪我过每分每秒




现在

我差点习惯了这只手表

我现在还了

虽然有点不舍

有点心痛

总好过

多年以后

在我举起左手时

看不见我那熟悉的踪影




手表虽然还找不到合适的

但我相信

我一定会找到一个很好很好的

很适合我的

可以给我耐用一辈子！



虽然此时此刻，我真的觉得自己很白痴

sharing_3::long and messy but meaningful

this tuesday i went to hosp selayang to join the paediatric psychiatry clinic there...

follow a very nice doctor who's doing fellowship there...

we saw few patients...

mostly with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

in short, hyperactive kids la~

one of the patient that really give me a deep impression on her is a small artist...

she aged 8 years old..

but her thought was totally mature enough to be an adult who's probably 18?

she came from a broken family where her parent divorced alr..

her father get married again, and seems didn't really care bout her anymore

and since then she followed her mother...

but her mother get married again too...

somemore, have two kids with the 2nd husband...

she was now following her grandma living at grandma house.

i heard all these history 1st before the patient came in...

doctor discussed with us first before, she let the patient in..

so i was thinking this must be a very poor girl... pity her!



then doctor standed up and called her name to come in

u know wat...i get damned of the assumption that i've made few minutes ago

a long hair...-- seriously long until butt...straight silky one!

big eyes..--with long lashes, double eyelid, u'll fall in love by looking at her eyes!

small little face and little pink hair band on her tiny little head...

u'll sure get stunned when u met her!

she nicely dressed up herself as she's a little artist ~

but what's most shocking was the conversation that she'd with the doctor...

i'm seriously impressed


doctor: kenapa puteri rasa puteri nak jumpa doctor?

pt: sebab puteri rasa murung!

(plz la... when i was 8 years old, i dun even know wat's kemurungan lo!! i was playing with the dirt oni!)

doctor: oh, puteri rasa kenapa puteri jadi macam ni?

pt: sebab, puteri nak mummy balik...

(plz la... uish~ when i was 8 years old, i'm not sure if i know my mother's gonna leave me, i'll hve that kind of feelings onot? perhaps i dun even realised lo!)

doctor then draw a heart (i just share some important part that the doc had the conversation with the small little gal, or else, this's gonna be long!), then divide the heart into two, she conteng the half into black colour..left another half white.

doc: puteri beritahu doc, sekarang dlm hati puteri, mana satu lebih banyak? ( as she alr listed down, she knows that black colour include those revenge heart, all sorts of negative things. and white colour means those buat baik baik kepada orang lain, good qualities)

she pointed at the black colour and said: dulu ini, skrag putih!

she continued: saya nak jadi orang baik, taknak jadi orang yang tak baik.

as the doc ask how to become a good person, then she continued:

sentiasa bersyukur, berdoa kepada Allah, bersolat 5 kali satu hari...bla bla bla

she was tested by the doc to try to repeat the al-Quran..and indeed she knew it and repeat whole short scripture of the alQuran which i think is hebat enough!



then the doc ask her: kalao puteri diberi 3 permintaan, ( the doc actually tell the story of alladin-- the stupid blue colour thing when u rub at the cup, he will come out de...which i dunno call wat) apa puteri nak buat wish itu?

pt: nombor 1: saya nak mommy balik...
nombor 2: saya nak dapat nombor 1 dalam kelas
nombor 3: saya nak mama (grandma)jadi sihat ...


coz the grandma was suffering from diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol..

and she knew it and she felt that she's the burden of her grandma!

(plz la, by that time 8 years old i dun even know what's sugar lo!! how come a 8 years old can know so many things?)


she was actually referred from another doc, previously diagnosed as major depressive disorder! - 8 years old gal! (ya, 8 years old, i'm emphasizing on the age!) suffering depression???!! 8 years old, i was just a little gal twisting ear of the boy who sat beside me lo!!

aduhai....seriously my tears were almost burst out everytime i heard she slowly tell us bout hers...

everytime she starred at the mother's pic, she'll cry alone in the room...the grandma notice it..

the mother will come to find her once a week ..

sometimes the husband oso dun allow the mother to come and visit her...

COME ON! SHE'S JUST A LITTLE GAL WHO'S LOOKING FOR THE LOVE FROM MOTHER!!

i felt really angry and empathy at the same time when the gal said that the mother actually being hitted by the bapa tiri...until face oso swollen..

she said that she wanted to protect her mother, she din know why her bapak tiri wanna married with her mother but at the same time still hitting her?

she was really matured until i felt very pity on her that she involved too much of the adult's problems..

she was really a victim after all..

at the end of the conversation oni we find out that, she's really a artist

she's now acting one drama that will be on screen later at astro

we were really shocked!

and she helped the magazine for photo session



she cheerfully give salam to all of us, even take photo with us..

due to confidentiality, i cannot show it on public ..

so if have chance, i'll show u her photo~


she's really a nice clever blessed girl, but at the same time, very pity...


as we can see here

the parent actually influence the children very much in their developing especially psychologically..

we seriously got to be very careful on who's the one we gonna choose to live together with in the future decades..

it's not a joke...it's not oni ur business

it's not just love

it's involving two families with some new lives that gonna come to this world..

dun make them feel that this world is ugly!

dun break their heart for u've no right to break a pure heart who just longing for ur love

i hate seriously on those parent who's not taking their responsibility on taking care of their own children..

at the same time i feel very grateful on my own life that i'm blessed to be born on a lovely family where my parent love each other...though they still quarrel some of the times..ha!

seriously every moment i heard those unfortunate one telling their story..

i feel very thankful to God that He put me in a good, calm and lovely family.. that i dun have to suffer from wat they are suffering now...




choose the one u love


love the one u choose


may God bless the girl in her future life



i hope u get my msg from here though i'm brain storming it since it happened 2 days ago, and i hardly to express my feelings into proper words...sorry for that!

cheahyin

i'm not a Libra-ian~

"everyone is cheering for their wonderful weekends & i'm crying bcos of making my own life in such a situation.Just don't ask me anything abt my work,my tears can just drop easily & uncontrollable before I get to answer ur Q. I'm mentally collapsed.

"breakfast:bread,lunch:just a small portion of mee,din finish it also....dinner:not taken & don't hv appetite."

"To UPM juniors:pls think properly if this is the life u wan,if not u will just be like me...."

it's very scaring to see these posted status by my seniors who just started their houseman life not long ago...

i know how the life will be..

i was warned...

i thought i dun mind how the life will looked like...

but now even worse,

government wanna reduce our salary...

we work like a slave..

but we are payed another way round...

it's really disappointing...

i should fully commit myself to the art of medicine..

"we help, we serve, we concern"---...without seeing how much we'll be payed...

LOL


"dun worry-lah, be happy~!"

so irony~

考你的脑筋！

这里一个问题

有个病人问的~！

有一家人

有老公，老婆，儿子，女儿，女佣，和一只狼狗

他们要过河，

要以一艘船which 只能载两个人

然后呢

老公疼儿子，老婆疼女儿

老公不能跟女儿在一起，会打女儿

老婆不能跟儿子在一起，会打儿子

女佣可以控制狼狗，狼狗会咬其他人除了女佣

儿子跟女儿不会驾船，大人会，包括女佣也会

请问：

这家人包过狼狗要如何安全过河？

*答案迟些告诉你们

让你们动脑筋！

答案很逻辑的~

我竟然回答不到

我的脑筋还差过一个病人！

T_T

sharing_2

clerked one patient:

us: pakcik, pakcik~ nak tanya sikit, pakcik ada rasa kadang kala tak boleh kawal perbuatan sendiri tak?

patient: kentut~!

* he stand up straight away, with 90 degree flex his knee.... waited for few seconds....

*putttttt ~!!

us: we all looking at each other once again, and soon we burst into laughing...

as we sambil use the clothes to cover our nose, we laughed and laughed and laughed...

patient also laughed...

patient: kentut boleh kawal ke? huh?? busuk huh??

us: hahahahahahaha!!!

coz it really smell "good" LOL...

i dun even dare to inhale at that moment...

as u can see, sometimes, they are really like a kid... they do everything they want...

they make friends with each others...

sometimes, u might just pity them that they perhaps just had taken one wrong step in their life that made the whole life of theirs, ruined...

wat i mean here is taking drug that finally cause them to have schizophrenia = siao...

so...

life is precious!

coz it doesnt take two!

think! before u do~

我是小魔女！

刚刚上网

跟一位小学的朋友聊天

聊着聊着

说起以前小时候同班的事情

好笑的事，

他竟然还记得我以前常常欺负他

哈哈！

说着说着

好气又好笑的

才发现

原来以前我曾经twist过他的耳朵

而且还是很dai ka jie这样的

说什么都是我对

别人永远错的样子

他还埋怨说我以前总是捏到他手脚都黑了

我就觉得奇怪

怎么可能我有事没事

皮痒

就去捏人家

在仔细的问下

才发现原来每次会以这种手法伺候他们

都是因为他们先来惹我

惹到我liak gong

我就还击咯~

呼~

还好我不是他们所想象的心理变态的小孩

觉得很好笑的是他竟然记得我如何欺负他

搞到他每次换节时要跑去别班

不过，

他说我会骂他

有时也是出自于他在我面前玩昆虫/蚂蚁等的

我看不过眼

竟然小小年纪说：蚂蚁也是有生命的啊！！

他有点傻眼的看着我

心里想说：什么嘛？！

*想不到我小小就有那么重的正义感！哈哈哈~~

他让我想起很多以前小时候的事情

的确

小时候的回忆不过是你欺负我，我欺负你

带着伤痕，

带着那种回忆

我们一起长大

虽然说他在complain我时

我有点paiseh

有点不好意思

不好意思自己小时候那么坏蛋

但却在同时

为着自己这么坏蛋而骄傲着

毕竟因为这样

我们之间的回忆才这么珍贵

我想

到这个年纪他都还忘不了的话

那代表这辈子，

我们谁也忘不了彼此了~

哈哈~

很自然不造作的回忆！

除了这些

还有一起抄功课的回忆

哈哈哈~

他说，

以前要交功课

从后面传上来的功课

我们就block一本下来

抄那些不会做的

哈哈哈~

想不到

我这么小就懂得抄功课这种这么“聪明”的动作

真不愧是曹佳韵！

想起以前

还真的有常常欺负别人的回忆

还记得

幼儿园时

坐隔壁的

不知怎么的

就打起来了

生气起来

我就用笔心笔插他

笔心就插进了他皮肤里

小小一点皮毛事

竟然跑回家跟他老豆说

隔天他老豆来警告我~

我心想

什么男子来的

打架还要哭~

=.=|||

到六年级

班上一个同学已经跌到受伤了

脚上有伤口

不知道说起什么事情

我就威胁他

如果他不告诉我还是什么的

我就会弄他的伤口

*作状要打下去他的伤口这样

结果

都没动到

他就哭了

由于他是班上的宝

结果

全班都怪我

说我很凶

整天欺负人

最冤枉的一次！

没动到他pun

竟然变成……

无言

怎么说都好

我以前还算是个人见人爱的小孩啦~

怎么看，我都不像是小坏蛋啊~

XD 呵呵~

remark

i'm sorry with wat i've done today...

just a small remark to mention here to make myself feel better...

apologising here coz it wont be seen by the person anyway..

and that's the reason why i do it here...

ish... feel a bit upset of myself...

i hope i wont get withdrawal syndrome after all~

i just hope everything get back to normal if it doesn't mean to be in this way...

sharing_1

one patient who was talking to himself and seems to be in manic phase, walking in and out of the ward repeatedly suddenly sat down in front of us (jo, suen and me)

with the tears on the angle of the eyes:

pt: "tanyalah saya, kenapa awak nangis?"

us: " kenapa u nangis?"

pt: " sebab saya sedih hati.... tanyalah saya, kenapa u sedih hati?"

us: " kenapa u sedih hati?"

pt: " sebab i rindu kat mak bapak saya, saya sedih hati lah! "

us: "..."

*********************************

we clerked another female patient on her bedside.

asking all sorts of questions, and finally we come to MSE (mental state examination)

there's one question asking to make a sentence

us:" tulis satu ayat yang penuh kat sini (on the paper)

pt:" tulis apa?"

us:" tulislah apa apa je..."

pt:" ok...."

then we saw her write down word by word by repeating what she written down she slowly said:

"saya nak balik kampong jumpa mak saya, saya rindu kat mak saya."

the words weren't written down in a very tersusun manner...

but i'm touched of the words she had written down.

psychiatric posting

最近在忙着psychiatric posting

也许从小就被灌输那种“siao lang”/“疯人” 很危险

会发疯

会把你捉掉

会打你

的那种知识

所以难免在面对他们时

会不禁自己害怕起来

一个礼拜的posting

我过得好像一个月一样

没得住damai

搞到我们整天要6点起身

六点才到家

对我来说有点吃力

也很累

这次的posting

跟上几次不一样

在于它没有什么检查手续

大多都在沟通着

拿他们的资料

了解什么理由造成他们入院

也因此

我听了很多很多很荒谬

很interesting的故事

大多都是告诉你们他们见鬼了

有声音指使他们做事

了解很多心理上的问题

突然感觉面对心理医生们

有种很赤裸的感觉

你的表情他们似乎都看穿似的

也很崇拜医生教授们的耐性与辅导

对于这些病人

除了开药控制情绪

最重要的还是辅导

他们总是聆听着病人的问题

从而了解他们得病的原因

让我觉得心理医生们很贴心

很好人呐~~~

一个礼拜的经验

看见的是精神病患者

大多前例都是因为受到刺激

二者则是受到忽略（社会环境影响，从小身心不健康的发展）

再者才是有些其他的因素

例如：基因遗传等类似的

证明了人与人之间的关系有多么重要

自身的想法也必须要很开通

老是关闭自己

久而久之，无病变有病

自己生活在自己的世界

世界的美好

需要用心体验

不要太过于执着于别人或世界怎么想

自己快乐随意

才是最重要的

恰当的自我推动力当然也需要

让人生变得有成就感

活得满足

我们的生活方式

我们自己选择

失败或遭遇不幸并非世界末日

一切事情发生只在于你怎么看它

如果用显微镜来看

芝麻绿豆便变成了滔天大石

若心室大量

就算天塌下来

也当被盖啦~

哈哈~

对阿

说得倒很简单

当面对事情时当然是不容易了

哈哈~

从现在就开始学习如何放过自己

在面对困难如何坚强自己

没什么事是你走投无路的

don't worry lah~

be happy~ :)

我爱我的国家~

最近的混乱

我才突然发现我其实还蛮担心的

不是担心些什么个人权利问题

或是什么个人利益的东西

而是

我不想我自己的国家-马来西亚

我从小就在这片土地长大的地方

有任何的暴动

它一向来被标志成“安稳”的国家

从小道德教育就教我说

马来西亚是个幸福的国家

三大种族和睦相处的地方

我们引以为傲

因为别的国家都不能够容忍多种族和睦共处

我们却做到了

现在突发的这种状况

难免会让我们想到历史上恐怖的513

人们当时的恐慌

不知道会不会再次重演

想到这些

就有点怕怕

有点心痛

从来不问时事

不看政治的我

却会如此的感受

也许是我想太多

也或许

我真的深深爱着这一片土地

不想什么不好的发生

总觉得我们什么事都可以好好说

不必要用暴力的

不必效仿那些落后国家

什么事谈不妥就动刀动枪

我们是人类

用的是头脑

明白事理的话

就应该文化点，用说的

用理论的

不是像动物般

得不到食物

找不到配偶

就用打的

如果是这样

那我们跟动物有什么分别？

唉~

事情有没有那么严重

明天就知道

我希望

国家还记得

我们的目标是什么

我们的宏愿是什么

我们的敌人是谁

我们的朋友又是谁

而不是自个儿内讧

本是同根生，相煎何太急？

你看我家的三只乌龟虽然不同的总类

但是他们整天都粘在一起

“我要做超人~~但是我不会飞~T_T”

愿世界和平！