长大

好多好多疑问

没答案

压制的我好辛苦



每个人都有自己的烦恼

每个人持有的意见不同

没什么谁对谁错的

不喜欢的事情很多

不想看见的事情也很多

没预料到的事情也不是不可能发生的



很多，在我

我觉得不可理喻

不是理由，是借口

原本不应该有的负担

我却必须重重的背负着

有时也会妒忌那些看似无忧无虑的

有时甚至觉得自己所承担的其实根本是多余的

不应该面对的

我却没办法逃开



别人无法了解我面对的种种种种

也没有人可以告诉我我应该怎么面对

怎么解决

一片迷朦中

我只能靠自己的感官

去面对每一件事

做我觉得是对的事



很多很不耐烦的事

终究还是要要紧牙根熬下去

不能否认

我觉得很辛苦

面对的不是一件事情，或是一个问题

而是一个社会

一个世界



原来我小时候所不懂得的世界

所好奇，所向往的社会

是这般丑陋

丑陋得我想逃避

You Laid Aside Your Majesty

thanks for what You have sacrificed for me~

confess my sin

i know i must confess this (though it doesnt sounds good to me):

recently slept for almost more than 8 hours everyday without much reading after back from hkl.

i doubt is "i'm too tired coz of i'm going hkl everyday at early 630am" an excuse for me to make myself feel better at least not guilty like hell i'm having nw?

trust me that i feel very bad of having so much of SLEEPSSSS!!!

gosh... >_<>tuesday with morrie )by mitch albom should have at least motivated me but what i'm facing now is a little bit like fearing to put hopes and expecting that there will be miracles in life...

in short, i'm afraid of dissappoinment and failing to achieve..

it doesnt sounds good in a young 21 year-old lady...

sound very hopeless and detestable...



i always try not to think this way...

but as day by day..

i work on everyday...

6:30 to 5

classes, clerking, and classes...

prof, specialists and doctors...

library, wards and tutorials...

hostel and hospitals...

is there anything more than that?

i wonder...

my life's just like a bowl of porridge without any dressing..

too boring my life is i suppose...

yaya...i'm just a student...and most of the people will think that what do u want more than this? it's the life of a student!

well, i just have to say that i dun like to be too ordinary!

i just feel that i'm like half-asleep, doing things that i automatically think i have to do...

like everytime we answer the 1st investigations that we need to do for almost EVERY patient is- baseline investigation: FBC a.k.a full blood count..

shit... this really feel sucks some of the time...



p/s: today's little story

went to medicine ward, clerked a patient with jessie- a 79 year-old chinese gentleman

according to him, admitted to hospital due to 1 week coughing with production of sputum and associated with significant chest pain on the left chest.

well, ok, dun make it sound like a presentation...

erm, then we started to ask for history of presenting, past medical history, past surgery, past social...

and in between it, this patient told us much of his young age story, ( which i dun really pay attention to listen to it)

and when we came to family history as jessie noticed that this patient, this gentleman has got some stigmata of chronic liver disease, so she tried to ask for some inherited liver disease like hep A, B, C

jessie asked in this way: uncle, lei yao mou hou ci go di wai chun beng a...lei ngok kei yan yao mou hepA, B, C go di geh?

then u know wat?

out of expectation, the uncle answered: TV tiga (TV3) jao yao la...

then jessie burst into a big laugh and i laughed too...

but as jessie laughed. and i did the same...

then i started to notice there's something wrong going on ..

ah pek seemed laughing but the espression on his face a little bit weird..

and when i got to know that he was actually crying...

it's too late...

ah pek burst into a very chai cham crying...

we freezed our laughing mode and turned into a shocked-surprised-omg mode..

i stunned and so did jessie

...................


we asked what had happened but ah pek was too sad to tell

then we decided to leave ahpek alone before he got into suffocation from his own breath...

we got back to him afterwards when he looked better...

and we apologised...

he started to clarify...

from mumbling little hoarsed voice of his...

i got to know that it's some kind of his marriage problem la..

i tried not to interrupt what he wanna tell for that moment, i think wat he wanted was just a listener as i think the things that he told us, he cant share with anybody else...

like he cant go and tell his children that his marriage is a failure as he found out that he's not ngam key with his wife...and ended up like u have to walk ur life to the end oneself without the loved one ?

he cant share this to his old friends too as i think as ppl grow old, everyone has their own family...takkan ppl wanna listen to ur poor marriage ?

so i just keep on listening to him...

as he talked, he shed his tears...

i'm pretty much willing to give this old man a hug and tell him everything will just be ok (provided, he's diagnosed and confirmed not a TB patient)

his tears flood his little two small eyes...

wondering it would make his vision clearer...

the little pale face of him now had turned red and redder...

and jessie and i use some eye contacts and thinks that it's time to leave him alone...

else, he's gonna cry til dehydrated and the doctors over there might think we've bullied the ah pek..

and yet, he's trying to tell more... but seriously, i would like to listen to him if there's such chance...but at that moment, the best thing to do is to leave..

so we leave in a good way...

asking him not to be sad...

feel a little bit sad of leaving him alone at that moment though we have no other choices better than that..



after the incident, ah pek actually leave a msg in my heart:
dun hurt the one u love; egoism sucks the most! hahaha!

"in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow, I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

being grateful that i live in a lovely family where, My Dad loves My Mom, and My Mom loves My Dad too~^^


ah pek, seriously hope u will get well soon :)

"u cant get everything u wan in world

but at least u do get some

which u should appreciate

coz u noe d world do not spin for u

wat u get is really a gift

when it happen as u wish

be grateful"

-untitled-

what the...

i thought i just started my weekend but hell know it's already sunday night...

weekends passed like a blink of eye..

yet my energy havent fully gain back through this short break..



burdens are there, problems havent solved...

i guess being an adult simply means u have to face every prob independently on ur own?

seriously, just on YOUR OWN...

sigh~ never think that i will be in this stage of life where i don't find myself high enough to be proud of or down enough to be self-pity...

guess i just don't feel good enough with the culture that i'm living now...



aarrgghh...

STRESS makes life tough...

looking back the past that i've strived over...

there were really a lot...

some of them make me even feel like forgetting it for life..

it would be nice if there's a medicine or some kind of syrup to drink to delete certain part of my memories which could probably become my obstacle to continue my path..

the more i experience, the more i feel like running away *though i know it isn't the way of living..

and ya ya...=.= i know it's the way to mould me throughout the process and become a better man...

but the process really takes a lots of pain...



accepting some of the facts of the world and society, is neither an easy or tough job to me..

for certain certain things, it may passed just -like-that..

and i would just don't give a damn and live my life happily after that.

while some of the occurence, you may not... or in other words, you can hardly accept that this could actually happened to you.. ( ya...what?? YOU! the unlucky one)

life isn't easy and it's always difficult some of the times..

but it isn't an excuse for anyone to give up i suppose...



there must be something interesting or something beautiful waiting for us ahead..

but before that, how much you've earn before u can get the sweet fruits as return?

i wonder how much should i pay for it...

sitiawan... :(

T_T

i guess i cant back home alr...

at first i planned to go back during christmas...

but hell know the mock exam is actually start from 20th to 31st..

and if there's two short cases and one long case...

i dun think that Mr.C can make it all within one week lorrr...

T_T



my hope burst into pieces...

:''(

after mock then there's another professional exam 2 in two weeks time..

guess wont have mood to go back also since it's like a sky-like-big exam..

aiks....



i still left with some energy before i get burned out...

:(

sitiawan, i'm so far away from u...

好想回家……

†

the cross †

i hope it keeps me believe in miracles and faith~

and remember of who i am...

thanks mom... muacks...

21st rocks!!

a very beautiful memory that u guys had gave me..

thanks guys --> u know who u are...^^


haha!

- being pranked in sunway mall...

- being dumped in toilet and get lost to find my housemates back...*in case u guys dunno i'm gt no sense of direction =.=

- catching lots of photos as we're celebrating christmas more than like my birthday XP

- HART chicken buffet ... XD

- trapped in the car park of sunway and the two malays that gave us a helping hand...^^


it was all about "huh?! serious??" and

"omg, u guys are driving me crazy!"

XD

the day before my birthday was tired and exhausting as i was having headache since the morning of the day...


- and then the next day, 29th was all about being fooled but i laughed a lot!!

LOL...

being surprised by some of the "people"

and basically i think the night of 29th was all about wasabi and Durian...

wonder secret recipe got so many durian cakess??

wasabi was awesome!!! until the moment i thought somebody so sweetly feed me a small little sushi, but my tongue found out that it's actually another prank...LOL...

wasabi takes the responsibility of making me sore throat??

>.<

the steamboat was awesome!! XP

i do LIKE the place very much!!

thousands of words of appreciating which i cant really speak out..

you all make my day...

*gam dong...

i shouldnt doubt my Buddies ~!!

haha!!