sharing_3::long and messy but meaningful

this tuesday i went to hosp selayang to join the paediatric psychiatry clinic there...

follow a very nice doctor who's doing fellowship there...

we saw few patients...

mostly with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

in short, hyperactive kids la~

one of the patient that really give me a deep impression on her is a small artist...

she aged 8 years old..

but her thought was totally mature enough to be an adult who's probably 18?

she came from a broken family where her parent divorced alr..

her father get married again, and seems didn't really care bout her anymore

and since then she followed her mother...

but her mother get married again too...

somemore, have two kids with the 2nd husband...

she was now following her grandma living at grandma house.

i heard all these history 1st before the patient came in...

doctor discussed with us first before, she let the patient in..

so i was thinking this must be a very poor girl... pity her!



then doctor standed up and called her name to come in

u know wat...i get damned of the assumption that i've made few minutes ago

a long hair...-- seriously long until butt...straight silky one!

big eyes..--with long lashes, double eyelid, u'll fall in love by looking at her eyes!

small little face and little pink hair band on her tiny little head...

u'll sure get stunned when u met her!

she nicely dressed up herself as she's a little artist ~

but what's most shocking was the conversation that she'd with the doctor...

i'm seriously impressed


doctor: kenapa puteri rasa puteri nak jumpa doctor?

pt: sebab puteri rasa murung!

(plz la... when i was 8 years old, i dun even know wat's kemurungan lo!! i was playing with the dirt oni!)

doctor: oh, puteri rasa kenapa puteri jadi macam ni?

pt: sebab, puteri nak mummy balik...

(plz la... uish~ when i was 8 years old, i'm not sure if i know my mother's gonna leave me, i'll hve that kind of feelings onot? perhaps i dun even realised lo!)

doctor then draw a heart (i just share some important part that the doc had the conversation with the small little gal, or else, this's gonna be long!), then divide the heart into two, she conteng the half into black colour..left another half white.

doc: puteri beritahu doc, sekarang dlm hati puteri, mana satu lebih banyak? ( as she alr listed down, she knows that black colour include those revenge heart, all sorts of negative things. and white colour means those buat baik baik kepada orang lain, good qualities)

she pointed at the black colour and said: dulu ini, skrag putih!

she continued: saya nak jadi orang baik, taknak jadi orang yang tak baik.

as the doc ask how to become a good person, then she continued:

sentiasa bersyukur, berdoa kepada Allah, bersolat 5 kali satu hari...bla bla bla

she was tested by the doc to try to repeat the al-Quran..and indeed she knew it and repeat whole short scripture of the alQuran which i think is hebat enough!



then the doc ask her: kalao puteri diberi 3 permintaan, ( the doc actually tell the story of alladin-- the stupid blue colour thing when u rub at the cup, he will come out de...which i dunno call wat) apa puteri nak buat wish itu?

pt: nombor 1: saya nak mommy balik...
nombor 2: saya nak dapat nombor 1 dalam kelas
nombor 3: saya nak mama (grandma)jadi sihat ...


coz the grandma was suffering from diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol..

and she knew it and she felt that she's the burden of her grandma!

(plz la, by that time 8 years old i dun even know what's sugar lo!! how come a 8 years old can know so many things?)


she was actually referred from another doc, previously diagnosed as major depressive disorder! - 8 years old gal! (ya, 8 years old, i'm emphasizing on the age!) suffering depression???!! 8 years old, i was just a little gal twisting ear of the boy who sat beside me lo!!

aduhai....seriously my tears were almost burst out everytime i heard she slowly tell us bout hers...

everytime she starred at the mother's pic, she'll cry alone in the room...the grandma notice it..

the mother will come to find her once a week ..

sometimes the husband oso dun allow the mother to come and visit her...

COME ON! SHE'S JUST A LITTLE GAL WHO'S LOOKING FOR THE LOVE FROM MOTHER!!

i felt really angry and empathy at the same time when the gal said that the mother actually being hitted by the bapa tiri...until face oso swollen..

she said that she wanted to protect her mother, she din know why her bapak tiri wanna married with her mother but at the same time still hitting her?

she was really matured until i felt very pity on her that she involved too much of the adult's problems..

she was really a victim after all..

at the end of the conversation oni we find out that, she's really a artist

she's now acting one drama that will be on screen later at astro

we were really shocked!

and she helped the magazine for photo session



she cheerfully give salam to all of us, even take photo with us..

due to confidentiality, i cannot show it on public ..

so if have chance, i'll show u her photo~


she's really a nice clever blessed girl, but at the same time, very pity...


as we can see here

the parent actually influence the children very much in their developing especially psychologically..

we seriously got to be very careful on who's the one we gonna choose to live together with in the future decades..

it's not a joke...it's not oni ur business

it's not just love

it's involving two families with some new lives that gonna come to this world..

dun make them feel that this world is ugly!

dun break their heart for u've no right to break a pure heart who just longing for ur love

i hate seriously on those parent who's not taking their responsibility on taking care of their own children..

at the same time i feel very grateful on my own life that i'm blessed to be born on a lovely family where my parent love each other...though they still quarrel some of the times..ha!

seriously every moment i heard those unfortunate one telling their story..

i feel very thankful to God that He put me in a good, calm and lovely family.. that i dun have to suffer from wat they are suffering now...




choose the one u love


love the one u choose


may God bless the girl in her future life



i hope u get my msg from here though i'm brain storming it since it happened 2 days ago, and i hardly to express my feelings into proper words...sorry for that!

cheahyin

i'm not a Libra-ian~

"everyone is cheering for their wonderful weekends & i'm crying bcos of making my own life in such a situation.Just don't ask me anything abt my work,my tears can just drop easily & uncontrollable before I get to answer ur Q. I'm mentally collapsed.

"breakfast:bread,lunch:just a small portion of mee,din finish it also....dinner:not taken & don't hv appetite."

"To UPM juniors:pls think properly if this is the life u wan,if not u will just be like me...."

it's very scaring to see these posted status by my seniors who just started their houseman life not long ago...

i know how the life will be..

i was warned...

i thought i dun mind how the life will looked like...

but now even worse,

government wanna reduce our salary...

we work like a slave..

but we are payed another way round...

it's really disappointing...

i should fully commit myself to the art of medicine..

"we help, we serve, we concern"---...without seeing how much we'll be payed...

LOL


"dun worry-lah, be happy~!"

so irony~

考你的脑筋！

这里一个问题

有个病人问的~！

有一家人

有老公，老婆，儿子，女儿，女佣，和一只狼狗

他们要过河，

要以一艘船which 只能载两个人

然后呢

老公疼儿子，老婆疼女儿

老公不能跟女儿在一起，会打女儿

老婆不能跟儿子在一起，会打儿子

女佣可以控制狼狗，狼狗会咬其他人除了女佣

儿子跟女儿不会驾船，大人会，包括女佣也会

请问：

这家人包过狼狗要如何安全过河？

*答案迟些告诉你们

让你们动脑筋！

答案很逻辑的~

我竟然回答不到

我的脑筋还差过一个病人！

T_T

sharing_2

clerked one patient:

us: pakcik, pakcik~ nak tanya sikit, pakcik ada rasa kadang kala tak boleh kawal perbuatan sendiri tak?

patient: kentut~!

* he stand up straight away, with 90 degree flex his knee.... waited for few seconds....

*putttttt ~!!

us: we all looking at each other once again, and soon we burst into laughing...

as we sambil use the clothes to cover our nose, we laughed and laughed and laughed...

patient also laughed...

patient: kentut boleh kawal ke? huh?? busuk huh??

us: hahahahahahaha!!!

coz it really smell "good" LOL...

i dun even dare to inhale at that moment...

as u can see, sometimes, they are really like a kid... they do everything they want...

they make friends with each others...

sometimes, u might just pity them that they perhaps just had taken one wrong step in their life that made the whole life of theirs, ruined...

wat i mean here is taking drug that finally cause them to have schizophrenia = siao...

so...

life is precious!

coz it doesnt take two!

think! before u do~

我是小魔女！

刚刚上网

跟一位小学的朋友聊天

聊着聊着

说起以前小时候同班的事情

好笑的事，

他竟然还记得我以前常常欺负他

哈哈！

说着说着

好气又好笑的

才发现

原来以前我曾经twist过他的耳朵

而且还是很dai ka jie这样的

说什么都是我对

别人永远错的样子

他还埋怨说我以前总是捏到他手脚都黑了

我就觉得奇怪

怎么可能我有事没事

皮痒

就去捏人家

在仔细的问下

才发现原来每次会以这种手法伺候他们

都是因为他们先来惹我

惹到我liak gong

我就还击咯~

呼~

还好我不是他们所想象的心理变态的小孩

觉得很好笑的是他竟然记得我如何欺负他

搞到他每次换节时要跑去别班

不过，

他说我会骂他

有时也是出自于他在我面前玩昆虫/蚂蚁等的

我看不过眼

竟然小小年纪说：蚂蚁也是有生命的啊！！

他有点傻眼的看着我

心里想说：什么嘛？！

*想不到我小小就有那么重的正义感！哈哈哈~~

他让我想起很多以前小时候的事情

的确

小时候的回忆不过是你欺负我，我欺负你

带着伤痕，

带着那种回忆

我们一起长大

虽然说他在complain我时

我有点paiseh

有点不好意思

不好意思自己小时候那么坏蛋

但却在同时

为着自己这么坏蛋而骄傲着

毕竟因为这样

我们之间的回忆才这么珍贵

我想

到这个年纪他都还忘不了的话

那代表这辈子，

我们谁也忘不了彼此了~

哈哈~

很自然不造作的回忆！

除了这些

还有一起抄功课的回忆

哈哈哈~

他说，

以前要交功课

从后面传上来的功课

我们就block一本下来

抄那些不会做的

哈哈哈~

想不到

我这么小就懂得抄功课这种这么“聪明”的动作

真不愧是曹佳韵！

想起以前

还真的有常常欺负别人的回忆

还记得

幼儿园时

坐隔壁的

不知怎么的

就打起来了

生气起来

我就用笔心笔插他

笔心就插进了他皮肤里

小小一点皮毛事

竟然跑回家跟他老豆说

隔天他老豆来警告我~

我心想

什么男子来的

打架还要哭~

=.=|||

到六年级

班上一个同学已经跌到受伤了

脚上有伤口

不知道说起什么事情

我就威胁他

如果他不告诉我还是什么的

我就会弄他的伤口

*作状要打下去他的伤口这样

结果

都没动到

他就哭了

由于他是班上的宝

结果

全班都怪我

说我很凶

整天欺负人

最冤枉的一次！

没动到他pun

竟然变成……

无言

怎么说都好

我以前还算是个人见人爱的小孩啦~

怎么看，我都不像是小坏蛋啊~

XD 呵呵~

remark

i'm sorry with wat i've done today...

just a small remark to mention here to make myself feel better...

apologising here coz it wont be seen by the person anyway..

and that's the reason why i do it here...

ish... feel a bit upset of myself...

i hope i wont get withdrawal syndrome after all~

i just hope everything get back to normal if it doesn't mean to be in this way...

sharing_1

one patient who was talking to himself and seems to be in manic phase, walking in and out of the ward repeatedly suddenly sat down in front of us (jo, suen and me)

with the tears on the angle of the eyes:

pt: "tanyalah saya, kenapa awak nangis?"

us: " kenapa u nangis?"

pt: " sebab saya sedih hati.... tanyalah saya, kenapa u sedih hati?"

us: " kenapa u sedih hati?"

pt: " sebab i rindu kat mak bapak saya, saya sedih hati lah! "

us: "..."

*********************************

we clerked another female patient on her bedside.

asking all sorts of questions, and finally we come to MSE (mental state examination)

there's one question asking to make a sentence

us:" tulis satu ayat yang penuh kat sini (on the paper)

pt:" tulis apa?"

us:" tulislah apa apa je..."

pt:" ok...."

then we saw her write down word by word by repeating what she written down she slowly said:

"saya nak balik kampong jumpa mak saya, saya rindu kat mak saya."

the words weren't written down in a very tersusun manner...

but i'm touched of the words she had written down.

psychiatric posting

最近在忙着psychiatric posting

也许从小就被灌输那种“siao lang”/“疯人” 很危险

会发疯

会把你捉掉

会打你

的那种知识

所以难免在面对他们时

会不禁自己害怕起来

一个礼拜的posting

我过得好像一个月一样

没得住damai

搞到我们整天要6点起身

六点才到家

对我来说有点吃力

也很累

这次的posting

跟上几次不一样

在于它没有什么检查手续

大多都在沟通着

拿他们的资料

了解什么理由造成他们入院

也因此

我听了很多很多很荒谬

很interesting的故事

大多都是告诉你们他们见鬼了

有声音指使他们做事

了解很多心理上的问题

突然感觉面对心理医生们

有种很赤裸的感觉

你的表情他们似乎都看穿似的

也很崇拜医生教授们的耐性与辅导

对于这些病人

除了开药控制情绪

最重要的还是辅导

他们总是聆听着病人的问题

从而了解他们得病的原因

让我觉得心理医生们很贴心

很好人呐~~~

一个礼拜的经验

看见的是精神病患者

大多前例都是因为受到刺激

二者则是受到忽略（社会环境影响，从小身心不健康的发展）

再者才是有些其他的因素

例如：基因遗传等类似的

证明了人与人之间的关系有多么重要

自身的想法也必须要很开通

老是关闭自己

久而久之，无病变有病

自己生活在自己的世界

世界的美好

需要用心体验

不要太过于执着于别人或世界怎么想

自己快乐随意

才是最重要的

恰当的自我推动力当然也需要

让人生变得有成就感

活得满足

我们的生活方式

我们自己选择

失败或遭遇不幸并非世界末日

一切事情发生只在于你怎么看它

如果用显微镜来看

芝麻绿豆便变成了滔天大石

若心室大量

就算天塌下来

也当被盖啦~

哈哈~

对阿

说得倒很简单

当面对事情时当然是不容易了

哈哈~

从现在就开始学习如何放过自己

在面对困难如何坚强自己

没什么事是你走投无路的

don't worry lah~

be happy~ :)

我爱我的国家~

最近的混乱

我才突然发现我其实还蛮担心的

不是担心些什么个人权利问题

或是什么个人利益的东西

而是

我不想我自己的国家-马来西亚

我从小就在这片土地长大的地方

有任何的暴动

它一向来被标志成“安稳”的国家

从小道德教育就教我说

马来西亚是个幸福的国家

三大种族和睦相处的地方

我们引以为傲

因为别的国家都不能够容忍多种族和睦共处

我们却做到了

现在突发的这种状况

难免会让我们想到历史上恐怖的513

人们当时的恐慌

不知道会不会再次重演

想到这些

就有点怕怕

有点心痛

从来不问时事

不看政治的我

却会如此的感受

也许是我想太多

也或许

我真的深深爱着这一片土地

不想什么不好的发生

总觉得我们什么事都可以好好说

不必要用暴力的

不必效仿那些落后国家

什么事谈不妥就动刀动枪

我们是人类

用的是头脑

明白事理的话

就应该文化点，用说的

用理论的

不是像动物般

得不到食物

找不到配偶

就用打的

如果是这样

那我们跟动物有什么分别？

唉~

事情有没有那么严重

明天就知道

我希望

国家还记得

我们的目标是什么

我们的宏愿是什么

我们的敌人是谁

我们的朋友又是谁

而不是自个儿内讧

本是同根生，相煎何太急？

你看我家的三只乌龟虽然不同的总类

但是他们整天都粘在一起

“我要做超人~~但是我不会飞~T_T”

愿世界和平！

邂逅

爱呀爱呀爱周杰伦

确实了那天在pavilion遇到的就是周杰伦

坐在车里的周杰伦



我果然跟他有缘啊~~


哈哈哈哈~~

:(

唉~ 好人难做

好累



我不开心...
:(

我滴妈妈，我滴best friend~

趁这个母亲节，

我真的要趁机表扬下我家里那个老妈子~

呵呵呵~~

登登登登！！



这位就是人称史上最年轻、最漂亮、最有气质、最苗条的曹太太、我妈啦！！

哈哈！

了不起哦！
她可是那个拥有优良基因的其中一个啦~

另外一个良好基因当然是我爸啦~！

不相信？

你看我就知道了~
我就是良好基因的典范啦~

XP



她虽然厨艺麻麻地

可是却把我养的那么大

学历不高

却把我教得那么明白事理、成熟自立、懂得自爱（呵呵……别吐先啦！后面还有，看不下去的话最好现在可以去右上角那里，按x键）

她虽然也不是什么倾国倾城的顶一美女

却生到我那么一个漂亮动人的女儿

要怪就怪基因太良好啦~~哈哈哈哈~



我妈她很感性

只要她看到电视节目人家说什么做妈妈的感言

或者是做女儿感谢妈妈的

她就会眼眶湿湿的

抑或者是我弹那首《母亲你在何方》

她也会变做家务边抹眼泪

被欺负时，她也哭到落花流水

只能说她是泪眼腺太发达

我好像有遗传到一点点



她很可爱

笑起来眼睛弯弯的

有人说我这一点也是像她

虽然现在皱纹多了一点点

但是却觉得更有韵味了

总之她在我心目中可是完美女人！无疑！



哈哈~

很感谢她总是在我身旁支持着我

不管是以前野蛮固执的我

还是臭脾气狡猾坏蛋的我

她都把我放在手心上捧着



现在才发现

从小到大

身边的朋友总是在变换着

其实唯一一个交心、很讲义气、很支持我的朋友

就是我妈

她在我出世的那一秒就成了我最好的朋友

最好的依靠

最好的伴侣



人，

往往在寻觅着可以倾诉、志同道合、不会出卖你的朋友

其实最好的人选便是身边的亲人

哥哥也好、姐姐也好、弟妹也好

他们跟你出自同一个“工厂”

当然应该最了解、也最志同道合的就是他们

当然不能否认有时候性格不合、难相处是有的

但我想，也惟有他们总是站在你这方，

不管你做错了什么，决定是什么

他们终究是你的至亲



母亲节

一年一度

不是回家吃顿饭就算

而是要提醒我们每一个人

母亲尚在

感恩还能庆祝母亲节

别到了每逢佳节要庆祝时

人已经不在时才懊悔

如果你爱你母亲

那请让她感受到每一天都是母亲节

就像你常对你的伴侣说“我要你每一天都过情人节”一样

母亲的爱

绝对不输于你所谓的惊天动地的爱情

如果连父母都不懂的爱

那还谈什么恋爱？



妈妈呀~

只有一个

是她陪伴你长大

供书教学

在我们长大以后

在她需要人搀扶她走路时

你是否愿意陪着她

一步一步的走？



啊~~

母亲节快乐呀~

我最心爱的老妈子~！！

关于你

最近才发现

人· 是因为在乎所以选择逃避

不敢面对



曾经的我

很在乎

所以做了一些很冲动的事

想说挽回我们之间的什么

嗯……

我想那“之间的什么”其实指的是---我们相处日子

但我不后悔当时我冲动得给你打了通电话

虽然在那之后的日子

我有多半在想起你的时候是难过、后悔的

但现在的我

再次面对你

我才明白了其实在乎的人……

不是我

受伤的人……

也不是我

而是·你·

所以你选择以这样的方式回忆我们之间的事

想说

你的主意得逞了

你的方式让我更怀念以前了



心中想小小声地对你说声对不起

关于我以前的、关于现在的我还在错怪你的

现在我明白了

不再在在乎了

因为我发现我其实可以坦然面对

而你，

也许是我上述所说的因为在乎所以选择了这种方式来让我眷恋你

抑或者你也许就那么单纯的不想再面对我

也许你真的有那么讨厌我

是怎样

其实也不重要了

因为最重要的我已经留住了

就算你真的就那么厌恶我

但我还是会选择相信你其实是太在乎我



谢谢你让我那么深刻的刻下这回忆

是你

让我明白了当时候的·我们·

让我体会到了其实当时在我们之间最珍贵的是什么

是你

改变了一部分的我

让我破天荒的做了一些我不可能做的事

即便现在我们不可能回到从前

也不可能比从前更好了

但是

我还是真心的当你是我生命中重要的一部分

因为你给我的回忆、一切一切

成全了现在的我



*虽然，我最想留住的，已经留不住了，但仅剩的回忆，我会好好封锁着
因为那是我最珍贵的记忆


接下来人生的道路

我会坚强的走下去

在我发现我掉了那年我们羞涩的笑容以后……

小蝴蝶

蕭敬騰-阿飛的小蝴蝶

好听啊~~~!!

听第一句就爱上了~

呵呵~

越来越爱萧敬腾啦~

很好听的嗓子！

爱上他唱歌的样子~

<3 <3 <3

孤单

是一个人的狂欢

狂欢

是一群人的孤单

------- 《叶子》



一想起你

忙碌的生活变得空荡荡

疗伤先要哭一场

------- 《你太猖狂》

broga:: end geriatric posting!

去了broga hill...

四点半出发

五点到达目的地

五点半到半山休息

六点才爬上山顶

很爽



半山像2号风

山顶5号风

刮风刮到人都差点站不住酱

吹那种风最爽

吹到我很过瘾

偏偏马来仔几个就抽烟

有点不爽

新鲜空气被污染

mc还趁机诅咒他们“生仔没屎fatt”

呵呵呵~~

xl说也不错“我们以后的顾客”

哈哈哈~


我roommate~ and me~~ <3


出来啦！！阳光四溅~！！^^


大部分都是“滑”着下山的

旁边左边的道路根本没有得“刹车”

直接坐着滑

哈哈~

我们是走右边那些山坡

“蹲”着下

其实……

我下山时还扑街！

一个大街

很痛

真是报应

因为下山时我看见萱在我前面很怕很怕

基本上是坐在地上lu下去

甚至要另一个陌生人帮忙她、扶她

说“你不要这么紧张，慢慢来”

我觉得很滑稽

我蹲在后面笑她，笑到翻肚

结果没多久就pokai了

paiseh loh....

(#''#)



喜欢这种活动

征服了sarawak bako, sg lembing, broga...

下一座山是哪一座呢？

呵呵~



p/s: 结束了geriatric posting with broga hill hiking, jessie 21st bash~

haaa~ 人生满有期望~！

.

回家的时候

爸妈还没从韩国回来

到了礼拜天早上才到家

嘘寒问暖那两小时

我又搭巴士回到这城市



喝着最后一分钟妈妈从韩国买回来的五味茶

还有一些韩国买回来的手信

心中闷闷不乐

也许我还有许多话还没跟老妈说

也许这个周末不是我想要的

when u hold my hand..

went to geriatric home.. kind of a nursing home..

as it was scheduled in geriatric posting...

had a nice experience...

"the little sister of poor geriatric home" is situated at cheras

it is really peace and comfortable in terms of outlook of the house and environment..

it looked exactly like a 5 star hotel when we first reached the entrance where it face directly to the dining room.

i actually "whao" out loud like it was impossible to have this kind of nursing home in malaysia..

we waited a while for the sister to bring us to look around...

exactly, the rooms were like hotel, but small one. there were totally 67 rooms and it equals to 67 residents there..

there were many other facilities like physiotherapy room, tv room, handicraft roomss, kopitiam where they sell their drinks and foods like around RM 1 each item...

corridors were clean, and we can see some of the elderly sitting on sofa side by side like making friends to each other but they actually didnt communicate much...just singing song like u can hardly know what they were singing...

the radio was on with the church song... oh ya! the nursing home as the name imply, it's a catolic based nursing home, that's why they gt worship church like place, and they're playing church song ...

there was a scene where there were three popo sitting on one sofa, one of them actually hold out hand and wanna shake hand with me, i lay out the hand and shake gently with her..

she is actually like rubbing my hand, i wonder was she thinking of she once having this smooth hand?? :P

i myself pulak actually think that this popo hand was really warm and smooth... that like telling me thousand of stories about her with her eyes looking at me, holding my hand and shaking it around...

and, at that moment, there was no one i can think of but think of my grandma...

sigh~




that was a time, where we were all standing there and listening to sister explaining on how they manage the home and take care after the elderly...

there were some of the popo came near us and tried to talk to us...

and the popo i mentioned just nw, she came around us again, and finally came beside me and sang song and actually FART.... twice.... i laughed...sorry...

and she talked to me again, murmuring some of the words which i think is hokkien, talking bout jamban...

and she hold my hand again asking me to go with her...(erm..she actually straight away grab my hand and go..not ask...haha!)

then i walked with her and wondering where she wanted to go...

the funny thing is, i asked her, where u want to go popo?

then she murmur sth, i cant really hear what she said..

finally ended up go yao che hor...walk around...hahaha!!

and luckily she walked back to the same place again where the sister was there to explain things to my colleague...

they saw me in "trouble"... ask the sister for help...and sister brought her back to room i think...

she was actually dementia where she cant remember things well...

hmm...



geriatric posting do help me in knowing the elderly ppl more...

like the loneliness they suffer...

like once i heard a story where they are just like babies...

last time when u're born, they take care of u, help u to dress up, feed u up and holding ur hands...

by the time they get old, it's the same as they get back to become a child..

sometimes they cant be able to walk, they're weak... shall we lend a hand for her to hold as she did last time to us?

they maybe forget of how to button up their clother, cant u just help them up as last time we do not even know how to wear our shoe?

it's just a cycle...

love is the thing!

act it out~

busy? everyone?

everyone seems to be very busy..

when we occupy ourself too much and u actually dun realised that time passed fast..

til then, when u stop and take a breath..

only u realised that the days and months or even years that u've spent was not fully used or used meaningfully..

we always wants things to change..

but once they do

we wonder why things cant go back to the way they are..

碰不到.摸不着.原来是思念

有时我在想

如果让你看见现在的我

会否觉得很陌生？

会否觉得我真的长大了？

我，好不像我？

你知不知道我在干什么？

你知不知道我现在的生活是什么？

你知不知道我已经二十二岁了？

你知不知道我还是很喜欢喝瓶装可乐？

你知不知道我还是很怀念你院子前的泥沙？




我真的真的真的真的真的…………

好想念你

在这雨季

在这该死的节日

在这我无法出席的一天



我真的好想你……

想念你的味道

想念你紧握着我的双手



你的轮廓

你的皱纹

还有你的眼镜

每想起

我就觉得好遥远

握不住的影子

只能继续用力想象

感觉你的存在



似乎很近

像在心里

似乎很远

连碰也碰不到

看也看不见

你我的距离……

原来……

好遥远……



思念你

因为太甜密

所以好苦

回复 :)

想说

我真的很感动

当我自从post了上个blog后

没再打开到现在

再上来才发现

那么短短的一篇随性的blog

竟然得到大家那么大的鼓励

我不知道说什么好

只是觉得……

深深地，在心里

暖暖的

很感动


下面那个blog所说的事情

的确用了我一个晚上的时间思考

甚至破天荒地睡不着

想着……

因为不是很想说出我到底在烦些什么

所以只随性的描述了我的心情

写下了在我脑海里转了一个晚上的一个想法



幸亏我逃回家了

得到了解答

却同时得到更多的忧虑

一些束手无策的忧虑

只有不断地继续忧虑

幸亏

对于其他琐碎的烦恼事

我总算发挥了我一点点地“功能”

不至于觉得无能

…………



对于anonymus们~

谢谢你们的鼓励

我知道你们总是默默地支持着我

但现实归现实

有些事情，还是得一个人面对

我希望我的决定是对的

我会坚持！

巴黎、weiwei：

我很好

只是在对于一些事情的取舍之间徘徊而已

生活是酸甜苦辣

人生不只是有甜

还有酸、苦、辣要尝

（虽然本身就很喜欢酸辣啦~呵呵~）

我不怕苦，

只要吃了苦后，

你们可以给我一杯水解苦~

XD




p/s: Anonymus: "Far we are apart, prayer keeps us near." <-- touched :'')

stress

should i or should i not?

risking myself?

or paint a colorful picture in my history of life?


alone?

我会坚持

不向困境低头！

WE ARE NOTHING by Namewee/KarenKong 四大皆空 黃明志/龔柯允

to those who's still shap har shap har...

who thinks that they've got everything in the world...

to those who likes to look down on the power of nature...

this is the song for u..

hope it will "enlighten" u..


and... sth i really beh tahan and wanna speak out here::

after the tragic quake in japan,

i accidentally saw some of the ppl post sth like this " 日本地震后，竟然看到很多人突然跳出来在facebook写说要为japan祈祷，真是有爱心到~~“

=.=

somehow, the statement light up a small fire in me...

if you guys are trying to show some special characteristic

wanna tarik perhatian, please GO OFF to the corner of ur little rubbish dumping site!

this is sth not supposed to be joke with...



i'm wondering what's the content in ur head!

moron!

we cant do much for japan,

and the only thing we can do is just pray... for peace and minimum devastation.

missing 143

weekend is the time where u start to miss home cook food.
-whenever u eat alone

miss the ppl in the familiar house where u lived since childhood.
-whenever you stay in the dead air space for hours and wondering where to go

miss the one laugh with you.
-whenever you're watching movies or drama, but you're laughing alone
(and the most suck part is, u can even hear ur own laughing echoe =.=)

miss the one who talk heart by heart with you.
-whenever you scroll up and down of the msn list, but you can find no one to talk to

and the one who care you the most.
-when you're enjoying maggie alone



i miss my brother who make me laugh hard til blushed like a tomato

i miss my mom who i used to tell her everything

i miss my dad who likes to sit in the living room and read bible every night

and............. i miss the time when i can rebut his 1st class king size bed to lye on................



why isn't upm just right beside stw????

:(

闲

越长大

越觉得东西越来越不受控制

是因为小时候总是要风得风要雨得雨吗？

好多事情

就算千方百计

用尽全力、汗水泪水

甚至用命拼搏

都不会如你所愿

人的能力真的很有限

想做的事也相继越来越多

因办不到而累积着




这一个周末又是一个寂静的周末

想说最近有些事情在干扰着我

虽然是可以暂时性置之不理

这些事情也可能随时间而脱离

我只想说

我想好好的过生活

不希望太多要以客气的方式

胆战心惊的方式来一一解决

当哪天可能我有那个心情时

可能我会耐性的面对

但若是我耐性欠佳时

希望我仅剩的理智可以避免我做出一些出乎意料的举动



真心希望那些看了会眼晕的事

请远离我

我没那个心情要layan你

5年后的感触

谁知道

当时的我

也曾经很害怕在你们当中

不被接纳

不被肯定



纵使是这样

我还是硬着头皮

走下去

走着走着

我看见你们的微笑

跌倒时

我看见你们的手向我伸过来

难过时

我看见你们的手拍打着我的肩膀



虽然接纳我的也许不是全部

但是我为那些接纳我的而感到很欣慰

很感激接纳我的你们

在失去你们重要东西的同时

还能够接纳我




虽然有时还是会觉得自己不是属于你们

但是我还是希望自己可以找到适合自己的角落

为你们带来一些欢笑

喜乐

以前的我追不回

但是

我希望

接下来的日子当中

都有你我的回忆

提不起精神

前提：

唉~

我是一只懒惰虫



***************************************************


现在我坐在fac的一个角落

上网着

风景很美

可以看到小小的klcc

弯弯的月亮

凉风吹袭着我

心情很平静

蝉鸣声、

街灯、

倒影、

月光、

我想说

这是个好地方

读书的好地方



最近有些是让我有些忧虑

有些烦

但不想说

也不愿提

别问我

我只想找个角落写写

发泄发泄

我希望我身边的人都好好的

我想拥抱他们每一个人

深深地祝福着他们每一个人

因为他们是我最深爱的人

我希望虽然我不能在他们每个人身边

但他们都能够过的好好的

幸福的

无忧无虑的

真的……………………

what are words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

妈妈说

妈妈说

要学会一个人生活啊……


:(

-empty-

yes

right now the only feeling i can describe deep in me is empty

hardly find something else to do except studying, sleeping, eating

again...(uni internet sucks, makes my life even miserable)

i think previous post i've alr mumbling bout how boring is my life

sorry that i'm going to repeat again..



i feel damn boring keep repeating the same thing everyday and live my life so meaninglessly

it's just so EMPTY

other than all about studies what else can i do huh??

-.-

seriously i wanna get rid of it..

but how come so blank? so many empty spaces huh??

too free?? but at the same time i hate too busy!

so what's the point??



sien...

=.=

study again...zzzzz

跳tone篇

突然想说

我期许自己变得更坚强

能够笑着面对每一件事

我知道这些那些我面对的

会成就以后那个我

我希望自己以后会是很好很好的一个

所以

我希望我一直开开心心的笑下去

我知道每一个人

每一个关心自己的人

都希望看着我过得很好

就算前方多无助多困难艰辛

我想我都应该笑着去面对

谁也不想看着一张臭脸吧？

我会尽力笑得很好看

努力我的人生




*这篇部落可能会很跳tone，因为我会想到什么就写什么，请尽量跟近啦~XP




那天突然脑海一扇过面包师傅或者

一些高级厨师的样子

觉得很帅气

哈哈哈~

可能站在我前面做sushi的师傅的制服让我想起

那天看见的帅气面包师傅

虽然那个sushi师傅黑的

可是还是觉得很有型啦~

哈哈哈~



还有那天逛街时

看见有个女人在弹三角钢琴

觉得很有气质

虽然只是一首很简单的歌

好奇为什么自己弹琴的时候一点气质都没有

=.=

对不起老爸老妈的栽培




很珍惜很珍惜一些事情

因此很怕再失去

已经失去了好几次

来来去去

我会尝试捉着我所拥有的一切

我相信我的一片真心

总会有人会欣赏珍惜的




我知道现在的我是以前走过来的我

我会一直走下去

因为以后的我是现在的我走出来的

靠着祂的能力




杰伦演唱会来啦！！！

突然觉得够想去咯！！！

walao

毕竟他是我滴前夫啊~~

T_T



ok 没了

完

=.=

原来我是个坏人

请相信我

我不愿意

但我却成了坏人

sorry.

国家战争、鸡同鸭讲

两国为什么战争？

让我来谈谈最近最引人注目的aus国跟某国之间的关系




为什么？

我心中充满问号

得到个答案其实也只是一个“不了解”

因为不了解

所以你这国对我国现在是慢慢造成伤害

曾经我国首相已经派外交官主动去你国说要跟你谈

但你国都回避

我国又能做什么？

这些原本aus国已经无力再理会

可从头到尾

我敢说我停止了一切举动关于两国之间的战争

可是你却时不时放个炸弹炸了我的国家

我的国家没有围墙咧~！！

直接炸到我的人民咧！！

而且炸的不是一次

几次了咧~

我虽然是aus国（没对你的攻击开枪放火复仇）

可是你再这样炸下去

我的国家会受不了的

人民医药费谁付啊？？



曾经你国跟我国的关系友好

但来了个美国

你就将之前我俩之间的密切关系、重要机关文件

都告诉美国了？

那里可以这样啊？

aus国虽然面积大

容量也很大

但aus国的人民可是有limit的

你一直对美国表现殷勤

你就不怕aus国会不爽？

不是说你不可以说

而是在两国之间的关系不善时

你却在这个时候跟美国来个地下情

地下情的话还好

但是你是光明正大嘛

媒体都大势报道了

你害怕我aus国看不见飞机啊？



aus国被你炸了

医药费要自己付

但并没想过要对你开枪

也没跟你要医药费

你可以继续逍遥

因为曾经你我两国关系友好

而对我来说关系友好的国家并不会公开两国之间的争执

让别国有机可趁

团结就是力量

你不懂吗？



我aus国没什么要求

只要求能够的话

别再大势报道你的国家的事情

我国人民眼睛不好，

看多会眼晕



*看到这里还是不明白的读者，在下有个劝告：别看下去了，因为你会越看越不明白



aus国其实也没什么理会

也没权阻止你要跟美国作个关系

可是你国为什么要总是想传媒报道咧？

两只鸡在打架

输赢不重要

重要的是鸭子才是胜利的啊

不明白啊？



其实也没说鸭子一定是赢的那个

只是说

两只鸡打架

负伤累累了

何必打到要整个kampung都知道咧？

又不是什么光荣的事



如果你国还在乎跟aus国的关系的话

我想第一件你要做的事是

停止再向媒体的任何报道

虽然报道没写的很清楚是在说我国

可是我国人民多

要说那首相如果脑袋有问题

他上万的百姓的脑袋还没坏

知道你在说什么的咯

再怎么说

aus国就是最讨厌一些国家喜欢指鹿骂驴的

卑贱行为啊~

别犯了



触动你怒火的话

aus人民不会向你道歉

但是那个笨首相会

你就装个面子

原谅了aus国吧

战争别再继续了

毕竟战争换来是人民痛苦而以

就算是aus首相求你了！



两国大事

就请你用国家大脑处理方式

别再小孩子气了

胡言乱语

好闷！

在msn那里scroll了几下

很显~

找不到人来聊天

还是上了这里

解解打字的快感



不喜欢被人借过桥的感觉

虽然有时会想

没关系

帮帮他我也没什么亏损

但

那种感觉

还是……不是什么好的滋味




真想让这些人知道

其实我什么都懂

我知道你要干嘛

我知道你在想什么

只是不想拆穿过后

面对一张尴尬羞愧的脸



面对道歉

我还不是全部照单全收啊~



恶心~恶心~

没什么

终于我又回来了~

XD

很奇怪的是：chat box为什么那么多陌生人来留言？

而且是不关事的留言

有点烦

部落变得有点沉闷



********************************************************


突然看到阿麦的facebook profile

觉得他几乎每一张照片都笑得很灿烂

是一种属于他的笑容

会让我想起以前跟他相处时

他几乎每时每刻都在笑着

笑得眼睛都弯弯的

像月亮

呵呵`



又想起你们了`~

每个人的笑容我都回顾了一下

想着想着我也笑了

:)

你们就好像活在我心里面

活活的

生生的

一点都不孤单



一个月的假期

我经历了不少事情

最开心的事在最后的几天

与老哥相处的时间

他总是让我笑得翻天覆地

甚至到最后送他到lrt站

我都不想让他走的感觉

T_T

他就是很容易就逗我笑

或者说他知道我的笑穴在那里吧~




嗯~

其实也没什么好写的

不知道要写什么了

生活还是一样

开始发动引擎要忙碌了



各位~加油咯！


p/s: 阿麦，我就是告白不出口啦~别逼我~哈哈哈哈~

不过，我会想念你的~

记得托梦给我~哈哈哈哈~

我的情人节

情人节啊~

睡不好呢~

纯粹因为有人在我睡觉的时候来登门造访



唉`

要知道呢……

爱是不能勉强的

我恨他恨了很久

可以说是从来就没喜欢过他

可他总是对我纠缠不清

有时在我很累的时候找上我

我已经很累了

他还是要来烦我

给我来个surprise

讨厌他之极又不能杀了他



情人节的前一天晚上

他又再次来找我

明明我就是不想再见到他

可是他就在我睡得很香，很甜的时候

其实在发着美梦**

来跟我“爬痒”= ngao han (in cantonese)

!@#@%$%#$@!

还好我基本反应好

用力一踢！

甩开了他！

起床去开灯才发现

真的是他！！！---小强！

死鬼

你不知道我有多恶心

简直想作呕

给你，睡觉到半夜突然给个恶心鬼来你的脚趾那边好像很兴奋那样跑来跑去

你会怎样？！

老妈在睡觉

不想吵醒她

我就眼白白的看着他很开心的在地上旋转式的跑来跑去

到最后跑到床底

澄清：晚上我都睡在地上，所以他才有机可乘的

气死我！

去洗脚！去洗脚！！

我刷！我刷！！我刷刷刷！！!

恶心的捣蛋鬼

吓的我4点多起身精神的要死

还要半夜搬迁到我哥的房间睡

还要疑心病重的左敲右敲的

看看有没有他的家族~

=.=

本来就是跟他们家势不两立

他偏偏要纠缠不清



生了一场病来

发烧了

胃病卷土重来

加上个特别的情人节

我是该笑还是该哭？

-.-

2011第一个post，久违啦~！！

大家!

我回来了`~

*含泪

是啊是啊~

快一个月没update了

生灰尘了咯！！！！

不好意速啦，姑娘我离开部落是有原因的-professional exam II 惹的祸！

它分割了我与你之间的联系~它无情的夺取我与你相处的时间~它让我憔悴阿~~

现在照镜子会以为自己看到鬼！

什么来的？头发长长乱到~~~大大的眼袋！妈呀！我娘说有了眼袋就很难消除了

我的天，本来就不是很大粒的眼睛加个像裤袋酱大的眼袋，我的眼睛在那里？？？？

大家又留意的话，我一笑就变成一条线了啦~丑！

︶╭╮︶

闲~



说回正紧事：

发现进入clinical year是精神紧张每一天

没有什么真正的发轻松的机会

每一时刻都在积极进取着（如果我没记错的话）哈哈

现在考完试了，真觉得暂时放了一个大负担下来

想回过去的24星期

还真折腾阿！

要感谢的人有很多

那些在每个早上拖我上ward的同学们

有课急忙告知我的朋友们

当然还有我们伟大的prof-prof们，还有mr.-mr.们， 还有dr.-dr们

小女在此向你们献上最真诚的感激



想想过去的12礼拜

大家一起630搭巴士去hkl的日子

看着大家还没睡醒的样子

看着大家在ward游来游去stress的样子

脸臭、不爽、疲惫、紧张等

发生的好事坏事

近乎什么都有

还真的觉得很煎熬啊~

当然这种日子日后还要过

而且还有更艰难的都有

至少现在先摆脱一会儿再说

很庆幸我还是熬过来了



说到煎熬

又有一大堆人要感谢

在我最伤心难过时

陪伴我的

看到的，看不到的

我都知道

*看不到的-不是指幽魂，是上帝！别误会！哈哈

在我最苦的时候

听我说的

擦干我眼泪的

安抚我的

真的真的无法想像一个人，我该如何面对这一切

“你们”真的对我很重要

尽管一句“加油”，都可以真的推动我面对一切

谢谢你们啦！~~

XD



*******************************************************************

当中，

我发现我在选择性的忘记过去的一些回忆

那些过于痛苦不堪的

那些我不愿意再面对的

我发现我已不再储存这些记忆

直到一些人无意间的提起

我才发现

我过去的脚步很沉重

也不知为什么当时我会有那种勇气面对当时的一切

也许也真因为当时的我想做什么就做什么

所以别人的眼光我也毫不在乎

才会让我熬了过来



我喜欢现在的自己

我还算是开心的

还算是幸福的

我有很多天使围绕着我

我知道他们是谁

需要学习的

只是怎么去接受别人的缺点

也看见自己的缺点

因为

每一个人都可以是另一个灵魂的天使

^^

长大

好多好多疑问

没答案

压制的我好辛苦



每个人都有自己的烦恼

每个人持有的意见不同

没什么谁对谁错的

不喜欢的事情很多

不想看见的事情也很多

没预料到的事情也不是不可能发生的



很多，在我

我觉得不可理喻

不是理由，是借口

原本不应该有的负担

我却必须重重的背负着

有时也会妒忌那些看似无忧无虑的

有时甚至觉得自己所承担的其实根本是多余的

不应该面对的

我却没办法逃开



别人无法了解我面对的种种种种

也没有人可以告诉我我应该怎么面对

怎么解决

一片迷朦中

我只能靠自己的感官

去面对每一件事

做我觉得是对的事



很多很不耐烦的事

终究还是要要紧牙根熬下去

不能否认

我觉得很辛苦

面对的不是一件事情，或是一个问题

而是一个社会

一个世界



原来我小时候所不懂得的世界

所好奇，所向往的社会

是这般丑陋

丑陋得我想逃避

You Laid Aside Your Majesty

thanks for what You have sacrificed for me~

confess my sin

i know i must confess this (though it doesnt sounds good to me):

recently slept for almost more than 8 hours everyday without much reading after back from hkl.

i doubt is "i'm too tired coz of i'm going hkl everyday at early 630am" an excuse for me to make myself feel better at least not guilty like hell i'm having nw?

trust me that i feel very bad of having so much of SLEEPSSSS!!!

gosh... >_<>tuesday with morrie )by mitch albom should have at least motivated me but what i'm facing now is a little bit like fearing to put hopes and expecting that there will be miracles in life...

in short, i'm afraid of dissappoinment and failing to achieve..

it doesnt sounds good in a young 21 year-old lady...

sound very hopeless and detestable...



i always try not to think this way...

but as day by day..

i work on everyday...

6:30 to 5

classes, clerking, and classes...

prof, specialists and doctors...

library, wards and tutorials...

hostel and hospitals...

is there anything more than that?

i wonder...

my life's just like a bowl of porridge without any dressing..

too boring my life is i suppose...

yaya...i'm just a student...and most of the people will think that what do u want more than this? it's the life of a student!

well, i just have to say that i dun like to be too ordinary!

i just feel that i'm like half-asleep, doing things that i automatically think i have to do...

like everytime we answer the 1st investigations that we need to do for almost EVERY patient is- baseline investigation: FBC a.k.a full blood count..

shit... this really feel sucks some of the time...



p/s: today's little story

went to medicine ward, clerked a patient with jessie- a 79 year-old chinese gentleman

according to him, admitted to hospital due to 1 week coughing with production of sputum and associated with significant chest pain on the left chest.

well, ok, dun make it sound like a presentation...

erm, then we started to ask for history of presenting, past medical history, past surgery, past social...

and in between it, this patient told us much of his young age story, ( which i dun really pay attention to listen to it)

and when we came to family history as jessie noticed that this patient, this gentleman has got some stigmata of chronic liver disease, so she tried to ask for some inherited liver disease like hep A, B, C

jessie asked in this way: uncle, lei yao mou hou ci go di wai chun beng a...lei ngok kei yan yao mou hepA, B, C go di geh?

then u know wat?

out of expectation, the uncle answered: TV tiga (TV3) jao yao la...

then jessie burst into a big laugh and i laughed too...

but as jessie laughed. and i did the same...

then i started to notice there's something wrong going on ..

ah pek seemed laughing but the espression on his face a little bit weird..

and when i got to know that he was actually crying...

it's too late...

ah pek burst into a very chai cham crying...

we freezed our laughing mode and turned into a shocked-surprised-omg mode..

i stunned and so did jessie

...................


we asked what had happened but ah pek was too sad to tell

then we decided to leave ahpek alone before he got into suffocation from his own breath...

we got back to him afterwards when he looked better...

and we apologised...

he started to clarify...

from mumbling little hoarsed voice of his...

i got to know that it's some kind of his marriage problem la..

i tried not to interrupt what he wanna tell for that moment, i think wat he wanted was just a listener as i think the things that he told us, he cant share with anybody else...

like he cant go and tell his children that his marriage is a failure as he found out that he's not ngam key with his wife...and ended up like u have to walk ur life to the end oneself without the loved one ?

he cant share this to his old friends too as i think as ppl grow old, everyone has their own family...takkan ppl wanna listen to ur poor marriage ?

so i just keep on listening to him...

as he talked, he shed his tears...

i'm pretty much willing to give this old man a hug and tell him everything will just be ok (provided, he's diagnosed and confirmed not a TB patient)

his tears flood his little two small eyes...

wondering it would make his vision clearer...

the little pale face of him now had turned red and redder...

and jessie and i use some eye contacts and thinks that it's time to leave him alone...

else, he's gonna cry til dehydrated and the doctors over there might think we've bullied the ah pek..

and yet, he's trying to tell more... but seriously, i would like to listen to him if there's such chance...but at that moment, the best thing to do is to leave..

so we leave in a good way...

asking him not to be sad...

feel a little bit sad of leaving him alone at that moment though we have no other choices better than that..



after the incident, ah pek actually leave a msg in my heart:
dun hurt the one u love; egoism sucks the most! hahaha!

"in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow, I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

being grateful that i live in a lovely family where, My Dad loves My Mom, and My Mom loves My Dad too~^^


ah pek, seriously hope u will get well soon :)

"u cant get everything u wan in world

but at least u do get some

which u should appreciate

coz u noe d world do not spin for u

wat u get is really a gift

when it happen as u wish

be grateful"

-untitled-

what the...

i thought i just started my weekend but hell know it's already sunday night...

weekends passed like a blink of eye..

yet my energy havent fully gain back through this short break..



burdens are there, problems havent solved...

i guess being an adult simply means u have to face every prob independently on ur own?

seriously, just on YOUR OWN...

sigh~ never think that i will be in this stage of life where i don't find myself high enough to be proud of or down enough to be self-pity...

guess i just don't feel good enough with the culture that i'm living now...



aarrgghh...

STRESS makes life tough...

looking back the past that i've strived over...

there were really a lot...

some of them make me even feel like forgetting it for life..

it would be nice if there's a medicine or some kind of syrup to drink to delete certain part of my memories which could probably become my obstacle to continue my path..

the more i experience, the more i feel like running away *though i know it isn't the way of living..

and ya ya...=.= i know it's the way to mould me throughout the process and become a better man...

but the process really takes a lots of pain...



accepting some of the facts of the world and society, is neither an easy or tough job to me..

for certain certain things, it may passed just -like-that..

and i would just don't give a damn and live my life happily after that.

while some of the occurence, you may not... or in other words, you can hardly accept that this could actually happened to you.. ( ya...what?? YOU! the unlucky one)

life isn't easy and it's always difficult some of the times..

but it isn't an excuse for anyone to give up i suppose...



there must be something interesting or something beautiful waiting for us ahead..

but before that, how much you've earn before u can get the sweet fruits as return?

i wonder how much should i pay for it...

sitiawan... :(

T_T

i guess i cant back home alr...

at first i planned to go back during christmas...

but hell know the mock exam is actually start from 20th to 31st..

and if there's two short cases and one long case...

i dun think that Mr.C can make it all within one week lorrr...

T_T



my hope burst into pieces...

:''(

after mock then there's another professional exam 2 in two weeks time..

guess wont have mood to go back also since it's like a sky-like-big exam..

aiks....



i still left with some energy before i get burned out...

:(

sitiawan, i'm so far away from u...

好想回家……

†

the cross †

i hope it keeps me believe in miracles and faith~

and remember of who i am...

thanks mom... muacks...

21st rocks!!

a very beautiful memory that u guys had gave me..

thanks guys --> u know who u are...^^


haha!

- being pranked in sunway mall...

- being dumped in toilet and get lost to find my housemates back...*in case u guys dunno i'm gt no sense of direction =.=

- catching lots of photos as we're celebrating christmas more than like my birthday XP

- HART chicken buffet ... XD

- trapped in the car park of sunway and the two malays that gave us a helping hand...^^


it was all about "huh?! serious??" and

"omg, u guys are driving me crazy!"

XD

the day before my birthday was tired and exhausting as i was having headache since the morning of the day...


- and then the next day, 29th was all about being fooled but i laughed a lot!!

LOL...

being surprised by some of the "people"

and basically i think the night of 29th was all about wasabi and Durian...

wonder secret recipe got so many durian cakess??

wasabi was awesome!!! until the moment i thought somebody so sweetly feed me a small little sushi, but my tongue found out that it's actually another prank...LOL...

wasabi takes the responsibility of making me sore throat??

>.<

the steamboat was awesome!! XP

i do LIKE the place very much!!

thousands of words of appreciating which i cant really speak out..

you all make my day...

*gam dong...

i shouldnt doubt my Buddies ~!!

haha!!

哼！

不喜欢被泼冷水

真的不喜欢！


也许你觉得好笑

可是我觉得的

刚刚好是你的相反


不要再泼我冷水

不然…………………………



我拿热水烫你！！！

XP

我不是伟人

只是不明白

很多事情

没得解释

该怪自己

还是说服自己那根本不是我想的那样？



怎样都好

我想那并不重要

因为世界太大

你改变不了它

只有改变自己的态度

让自己在这世界不用费太多力气

也可以过得很快乐



常想

没什么事是大不了的

可是

真的没什么事是大不了的吗？



纵使背负着伤口

我还是会继续走下去

期许你明白我有时真的不能成为你的伟人

因为我也是凡人之躯

有疲惫的时候



压抑被无心伤害

对自己说：都会过去的

再多的道歉

并不是我要的

只希望你不要再用嘲笑的眼光在我伤口上撒盐

那会让我觉得很羞愧

很难过

希望你觉悟这一点

幸福的定义

其实你很幸福

只是你不知道



有时候对你的不知足

感到有点反胃

不是每个人都可以像你一样

做什么事都好

请想想还有那些连三餐都成问题的小孩

那些连房子都没有的小孩

还有那些遭遇比较不幸的小孩



凡事不一定要拥有

才是幸福

stuck in shit where it's really a shit!

shit..

suddenly stress up...

gastric acid secreted ..

wat the...

i cant control my life well...

wat i want i cant really get it

wat i hope, i cant reach it..

nth can be done...

unlike exam u can work hard for it..

unlike if u're fat, u can slim down by work out...



shit..

please help me to get out from this shit..

i hate this feeling of being stucked in SHIT!



this is really shit...

why am i always been blamed so innocently!

don't doubt wat i've done and wat i've put effort on...

u're sooo realistic and u're still pretending that u're a snow white ter-makan the toxic apple??

i just wonder how u can get urself to be such cheap and still jual-ing mahal.




SHIT ~!!!

get away from me!

>=(

叙忆

首序: 写这篇的推动力，来自女巫

朋友们：

我也真想念你们

虽然不至于梦见你们

但，前几天回家时，

很巧的

我也想起那间教室

我们吵吵闹闹的样子

还有学校后面的那棵黄花树

那棵曾经成为我们拍写“真集”背景的树

还有那个我们不曾尽力去跑过的操场



校园的铃声

校门

办公室

校长室

同学

厕所

食堂

阿·~

真怀念~



好久没看见你们了~

离上一次raya好像蛮久了~

大家都看似很忙~

没空约出来见面



是我们太不懂得珍惜那时候的我们

还是时间总是过得快

转眼毕业也四年了~

想回南华的一切一切

还真的会会心一笑

不知怎么当别人问起我的母校

我总很骄傲的说出“南华”二字

总觉得南华很了不起

我们这一批学生很了不起

天不怕地不怕

拽拽的

串老师

爱老师

整老师

没什么事是我们没做过的



如今

有的在国外，

有的已为人妻/夫

当初缘分的力量把我们聚在同一间建筑物里

创造的回忆

你们是否会一辈子记得?想念？

Dear God,

Father, i know that You hear every prayer...

but now here i'm praying to You to listen to my heart...

stay and never let go any tears that i've dropped...

sweep them away as Your mighty hand will heal the wound...

lead me and walk beside me as You are the only one who know me the best...

You know what i need and what suit me the best...

live inside my heart as i know Your love towards me will never fade away...



"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
matthew 11:28

Lord, i need Your grace to flow in me...

right now and forever...

hello november~

here comes the 11th month of the year...

i'm looking forward to my headphone that might be received on 29th of the month~

XD

该停吗？

好多遗憾

好多无助

我想……

不写了



写太多

其实也无助于事

约定

你一定记得

我们的约定~



只是……

我迟到了

而你……

走了……

别丢下我

当我数声唤你

你并没有回应我时……

我才明白

无助的形状是什么……



一直以来

我以为我能够明白身为家人

站在一旁

拿着湿布为你抹着身体

偶尔为你轻轻的咳声而紧张兮兮的那种担心



我自以为是的以为

我能够了解

什么都做不了

就只能静静的守着的感觉



直到昨天

我才明白什么叫做无助、

什么叫做担忧



我以为

我能够做些什么

但

当我被明确的告知

我是什么都不能为你做的时候

我只能低下头、叹了叹气

心口被压制的感觉

从眼角流露



小心的检查着紧闭双眼

近乎让我认不到的你

慢慢的发现你的身体

被多少支管插着

心就如同被那管子一样的穿插过

看到一个，痛一次

再注意到一个，再痛一次

终于

我忍不住

走出了加护病房



呆坐在那里

无助的影子越来越大

我是多么的痛恨自己

漠视他人的眼光

我吸了吸鼻水

顶着通红的双眼

再次进入病房……



我告诉自己：我必须弄个明白到底是怎么一回事！



走到你床前

我随手挑了个ｘ光片

还没来得及挑起整张

听见一个刺耳的声音怒骂着我

我不甘的心情终于霎那被释放

接下来是一番一字一句的理论



第一次

我像是失去理智般的

任由怒气牵着我走

伴随的却是崩溃的委屈



直到我被拉着离开病房

我再也不说一句话




总是按耐不住心头似狂风大浪般的情绪

抽蓄的向家人解释着我的无能



直到我累了

昏昏沉沉的……睡着了



离开前

我再次回到病房

唤你，

你依然不醒

我好不容易压制下来的情绪

差点霎那再次决堤

才明白原来你的不回应，

可以让我这般的痛苦



听完终于见面的医生解释关于你的

我无奈带着沉重的心离开

眉头深锁



直到……

两个小时后

来自妈妈的一通电话

说你醒了

嘴角才稍微微扬



我会默默地为你祷告……

我能为你做的，也就只有祷告……

wishing you a happy birthday.

hAppY bIrThDaY to...........

AAABBUUUU~~~~


wish you a unforgetable 21st birthday ever~

appreciate the day when u're born 21 years ago...

fake cake for u~

here it is....nnnaaahhhh............



♫ ♪ Happy birthday to u~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ Happy birthday to u~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ Happy birthday to ABU~ ♫ ♪

♫ ♪ HAPPY BITHDAY TO YOU~!!! ♫ ♪

灰色的舞宴

她

渐渐的是越来越不被发现

渐渐的是越来越看不见

近乎是没人发现



因此

于是

世界被分裂

变得暗淡无光

跨不过的深渊

让她觉得越来越孤独



所有的笑声泪水

像似被一层透明的玻璃隔音反弹

笑声只有自己听得见

而哭声

只会让眼泪崩溃



即便努力的奔向光明

但

黑暗总是吞噬她

刺眼的光

永远照着的不是她

就算瞬间的烟火将她点燃

但

当一切熄灭，只剩云烟

只会让她觉得相对于光明的黑暗更可怕



总是在心中点燃小小的火把

但每一次狂风暴雨

总让她的心越来越沉重



她总是期待着悦变

但殊不知太多的经历使她厌倦

使别人更无法进入她的世界



灰姑娘的梦

最后至少也穿上了她心爱的玻璃鞋

而她背负的梦

却不像灰姑娘般有南瓜车，跟华丽的舞宴

没人晓得或在乎

她赤裸裸的一双脚

流过多少的血



人说她脆弱

她宁说人冷漠



*其实她对世界来说并不是那么重要

也许就算有天她消失了，世界依然喧哗

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Official Video]

^^

specially dedicated to our Princess Chow Tze Suen who happened to be my roomate at the same time
hahaha~

hAppy 21ST BIRTHDAY~
stay sweet and cute~
you're always the sweetest roomate ever~
=D

FOrEver 21~st

妈妈

妈妈在电话里挂念我

上次欲言又止她还记得

一眼识破她的我问她是不是想念我

她却急着找借口说钢琴搁浅在一旁很久了



爸爸在中午也给我打电话

妈妈问我有出门吗

因为她知道我若待在家

也许进肚子的就不是什么正经的了

瞒不过她的我

被她的叹气声弄得眼湿湿



又问着最难回答的问题：

下次回家是几时

我支唔以对

…………

惋惜

很久不代表恒久

看见他们亲密的合照

我自作多情的为你感到难过

终于

我明白你在那瞬间撕破丑陋真相

需要多大的勇气

承受多大的刺激



虽然我并不清楚当时的你是在怎样的情况下，怎样的心情下

揭露他其实也耐不住美丽的诱惑

但是，想必你当时下定决心作出像现在的改变

足以证明你当时的创伤有多大

为你现在的改变感到骄傲

至少你比以前活的快乐有自信

更完美了



要相信自己是特别的

他负了你

不是因为他忘记了当初之间的美妙感动

只是因为习惯了你对他的真诚

变得不珍惜了

腻了

于是掉入花花世界



你应该祝福他

并且感激他

是他让你明白你可以活得更好

不必在他的范围里围绕

离开虽然痛苦

但，是为了给两个人自由

潇洒的转身离开

为这错误的开始

作出美丽的结束

别浪费你的真诚

把它留给一个更值得你付出的人



原来

太久的感情

不是稳固

而是危机

心里不平衡的一天

都会过去的

最痛心的，总会过去的

我会努力的爬起来！

谢谢那些骂醒我的

谢谢那些鼓励我的

你知道

没有你们，我真的会很软弱

转载

其时，我很累了　　其实，一直没有人懂我。我习惯假装坚强，习惯了一个人面对所有…　　我不知道自己到底想怎么样　　有时候　　我可以很开心的和每个人说话，可以很放肆的；　　可是却没有人知道，那不过是伪装，很刻意的伪装　　我可以让自己很快乐很快乐，　　可是却找不到快乐的源头，只是傻笑。　　我不习惯把事和别人说，因为我不习惯别人用可怜的眼光看我。　　其实，我很珍惜身边的人，只是生活的压力让我善于遗忘，把那些记忆通过通遗忘　　我以为遗忘可以让自己快乐起来…　　可是，我感觉到的却是更多的寂寞…　　黑夜来袭，周围的空气很冷…　　一个人坐在草地对着天空发呆…　　也不知道自己脑子里在想什么…　　怀念过去，仅此而已…　　其实，我也很渴望有一个人能懂我；能走进我的心…　　其实，我很累了，真的想放下所有…　　可是现实的压力只能让我背着这些慢慢走…　　登QQ进入自己的空间



看看有多少人还在意着我，来看过我，我有多少空间动态…　　接着　　下拉，再下拉…　　更重要的是自己关心的那个人的动态…　　却只是看看，并不打扰…　　何时发现，我不再爱写日志，即使有最新的日志，前面也会带个[转]…　　不是我变的懒了，而是我疲惫了…



情愿用别人的语言，来抒发自己的情感…



挂了QQ，却不上线　　挂了QQ，却不聊天　　只是反复着‘展开分组’和‘关闭分组’…



上线，是为了打发寂寞；　　隐身，是为了躲避失望；



就这样　　挂了QQ，隐了身，看着别人的一点一滴变化…



何时　　我不喜欢追逐打闹，却很想和以前一样活蹦乱跳　　何时　　我让自己变得沉默 ，　　却很想多了解身边所谓的朋友



我喜欢在很静很静的深夜，关了灯让寂静把我包裹，却又害怕黑夜…



我也会偶尔的和朋友聚聚，　　或开心　　或失望



偶尔，也会寂寞的拿起手机翻开通讯录，一遍一遍的… 却不知道该打给谁、、、、、　　再好的东西都有失去的一天，再深的记忆也有淡忘的一天；再爱的人也有远走的一天；该放弃的决不挽留，该珍惜的决不放手！





*有人说这论文说得很像我

……

Suffocation

i feel like shouting like how chemical romance do in this mtv.

or like Linkin park, maybe?

sh*t!

call me a emo girl i dont care..

call me nuts i dont care..

call me key siao i dun care..

idiot i am, being fooled around by emo emo things...





personally i dunno why, how come and what cause me this..

i don't feel like leaving home tomorrow!!!

i feel like i gt lots of important role to play in home

i got plenty of reasons for me to stay at home


FIRST,

i need to help my mom to light up the stupid cooking thing..

coz dunno why the stupid cooking thing need to use lighter to light up instead of turning the gas thing...*aiks...i oso dunno wat am i talking...in short, my mom need my help!!*

second,

i helped to massage my dad "accidentally" once and he said it's been a long time no ppl massage for him...

so i guess i should continue to play a role as a massage machine at home specially for my dad...

i don't know why, these kind of chores which i used to refuse to do last time, now seems to be so addicted and enjoyed to do it..esp when i saw my dad was actually loves it so much! aarrggghhh!!!

thirdly,

d*mn! i havent play with my bro yet!! * though i think he's not in the mood to play with me...

i should say i would like to kacau him before i go back...

forth,

i shall spend some time to go somewhere with my family.. still, i think i gt plenty of things to share with my parents!

fifth,

i havent taste "red wine chicken mi sua" yet!! T_T

sixth,

gosh, i need to witness the building progress of TESCO at manjung!!

seventh,

aiya...! etc etc...



simply because i just love this land.. my home!!

simply because i hate that yellow building and those wearing stupid sun glass, pretending to be yeng, fierce hateful guards...

simply because i'm sick of thinking hard of wat to eat...

simply because i hate to do my laundry on my own...



in short, i'm not satisfied!! aarrggghh~~ too bad!

cut my life into piecesss.

bull-sh*tting

learned sth last nite...

guess what, went to public bank, then on the way back, sense sth wrong with the speed of the car...

then confirmed by some weird sound from the left back tyre...

i stopped at a blessed place where it's actually in front of my dad's shop, then was totally frustrated by seeing the tire totally PUNCTURED!!

panic at the same time i was a bit impatient..

dah lah public bank wanna banking money also need to wait for about 30 mins..

those ppl queue in front of me all banking like thousandsss and each of them took bout minutesss to settle with their money..

thought of can fly back to home and continue with my work then happened this stupid thing on me...

but fortunately my mom was with me, then i felt rather safer..

called for savior...(of course my dad it's..)

happened to be so malang that my dad was about to take bath,

called my uncle, and same thing, my uncle was having bath...

so???

wait lor........................................




until the time they both reached, i was abit gone nuts..

anyway, i was hoping to at least be helpful..

but God!! the tire was like thousand kilo weighed..

cant even tried to pull it up...

dad was abit tired of loosening the screw..

but yet, i cant help...

*speechless*

i hope that i were a boy badly on the moment..

sth crossed my mind: if nex time i drive back home, in the middle of the road, at night somemore, tire get punctured. then how? one ppl... Gosh, takkan wanna wave the hand and ask for help? even if someone do stop and trying to lend me a hand, i oso scare scare lor..

duh... anyway, learned how to change a tire...

and i guess no matter how heavy it is, by the time if i really face this prob, i will do it alone...hahahaha! at least i know the way...


thank God anyway, to put me in such condition, though i was impatient and felt bad, but somehow, i think i gain benefits from the incident...




-TODAY-

tmr going back to a place and start mourning with the pathetic life...

gosh!!! wat kind of feeling it is..

havent really get satisfied with the entertainment yet didnt really catch up with my homework... sh*T

my life is in a mess!! the exam is coming so soon....j-u-s-t right at the corner, and i'm totally out of the situation now! still craving for another excitement of celebration or trip or watever..

dun feel like back to the reality yet..

aarrgghh!! wat to do???

life is bored~ =______=|||

累

憔悴啊~

回来后足足睡了一整天却还是觉得想冬眠

来自朋友的评语都是两个字--憔悴

不知是不是因为早上上课，下午就赶回家的关系

连续两天，我都提不起精神~

Sigh~

累啊累~



回到家，看见掩不住开心的妈妈

煮了一大堆东西“伺候”我~

我想我还是幸福的~

虽然目前的我总是闷闷不乐




想说老豆去赎回了我的号码

maxis还是在手

可是没电话可用

暂时还是丢在一旁

至少，我的号码还是被保存了



那天听着朋友说着他的故事

我不知道怎么的

竟然哭了出来

毫无预警的

直到我感觉到脸颊有热热的

用手擦时，才明白那是泪

而我那位朋友

我想他是看到了

却因为在众人面前

他只静静的继续他的说词

我很不好意思

应该有吓到他

还好，后来聚在一起聊天时

他没有提起

只是问我最近是不是累了

眼睛总是红红的

感激他没太直接

避免了我不必要的尴尬



我只是想明白自己到底是为什么

伤风还没好？

为什么有一种东西压在心口

却不知道是什么

我不是在说大话

我只是想知道为什么

然后再想想用些什么方法来解决

可是现在，连要找出祸根为什么我会这样

再来个对症下药都不能



回到家，

有种很轻松的感觉

我睡了好久

睡得很安稳

跟老爸说起一些事情

他突然跟我说了一些道理

关于现实，关于面对

突然有一种很厌恶的感觉

老爸揭开很多事情跟我说

让我看清事实的同时

让我觉得人与人的距离很遥远

没有人懂另外一个人想什么，要什么，真正了解彼此



突然想到自己

知心的朋友也没多少个

大多都因为各自上了大学，

因距离等的问题

没什么机会可以谈心

就算当年彼此认定最了解彼此

也是彼此的死党

但到最后还是敌不过长期没联系

关系最后被冷冻

到最后，连要打声招呼可能都难



有时我很累

累得我不想说话

累得我不想解释

累得我就算别人说错了什么

我都点头作回应

我不知道这是好是坏

渐渐的，我变得不想乱跑

只想静静的呆在自己的世界

尽管孤僻不是我的代名词

尽管我从来就否认软弱



但我想有时候……

就算认了我不想被人打扰

就算认了我有时还是很想用眼泪宣示

应该也没大碍

总比总是在逞强来的好



累了

我只想找我的床

好好的睡一觉

心伤了

我只想找我的枕头好好的埋葬我的泪



只是我最近才发现

我的泪腺诸塞了

连倾诉

都不知道找谁了


p/s:我想天使早已在我心里擦干了我要留下的眼泪

Now and forever

当我还打着喷嚏

吸着鼻涕时

听见了这首歌

鼻子酸了 @_@..

感动~!



nOw aND FoRevER, I'll bE yOuR maN~

幸福 * 不是偶然

爱上一个人，很简单

但，一旦爱上，却不是像想象中那么简单的可以戒掉




每个人的心中都有一个洞

让另外一个人以爱来填补那个洞

若找不到那份属于自己的爱

那么，会一辈子活在缺氧的恐惧中



爱，不是交易

它，是一种毒品

当你发现已无法自拔时，

你已经戒不掉、回不了头

只有继续的爱下去



最可悲的事

莫过于你在记忆里尝试寻找他的影子时

发现你笑着哭了出来



当他/她愿意站在你身边时

请把握每个牵起他/她的手的机会

因为

你不知道有谁会从你身边牵走他/她



原谅她的一切过去

因为你，可能就是她改变的理由



如果两个人连吵架都不想吵了

该是时候，坐下来谈谈了



在一起久了，感情自然会退色

但是要明白，爱不是瞬间烟火

只有灿烂的火花

而是恒久的忍耐、包容、关怀




要遇到对的人，对的感觉，对的默契的人

不容易

当你遇见了，请记得捉紧他/她

他也许是你的命运，但别让别人有机会把你们分开~

^^

寂寞寂寞就好 - Hebe 田馥甄

人本来就寂寞的

寂寞寂寞就好

是可忍，孰不可忍！！

真的是佛都有火！！

本人不是没有脾气！

是不想发而已！

惹我，我在糟的情况下都算可以忍……

好惹不惹，惹我家人！？



无良到偷了我的手机，

我妈打过去，好意思接了电话

还反过来理直气壮的骂我妈妈？？

电话都给你去了，

你是不懂得什么是羞耻

还是在你的语言里，没有这个字？?


！·#￥#·%#%#！·！

CHEAP到没有人有！！

真不知是不是这种人都做这些事~！！

真是怪不得一辈子落后不长进！！！





我衷心希望你能够平平安安度过你的开心死鬼新年！！！


不要让我在医院碰见你头破血流，小便还要靠尿袋输管！！


我同情你这辈子都穷~街边拾垃圾成为你的专长！！


迟点神智不清还要喝自己的尿吃自己屎！！


没脑的家伙~！！怜悯你这辈子坐定坚牢！！


没家教的孽种！！！




火冒三丈！！