confess my sin

i know i must confess this (though it doesnt sounds good to me):

recently slept for almost more than 8 hours everyday without much reading after back from hkl.

i doubt is "i'm too tired coz of i'm going hkl everyday at early 630am" an excuse for me to make myself feel better at least not guilty like hell i'm having nw?

trust me that i feel very bad of having so much of SLEEPSSSS!!!

gosh... >_<>tuesday with morrie )by mitch albom should have at least motivated me but what i'm facing now is a little bit like fearing to put hopes and expecting that there will be miracles in life...

in short, i'm afraid of dissappoinment and failing to achieve..

it doesnt sounds good in a young 21 year-old lady...

sound very hopeless and detestable...



i always try not to think this way...

but as day by day..

i work on everyday...

6:30 to 5

classes, clerking, and classes...

prof, specialists and doctors...

library, wards and tutorials...

hostel and hospitals...

is there anything more than that?

i wonder...

my life's just like a bowl of porridge without any dressing..

too boring my life is i suppose...

yaya...i'm just a student...and most of the people will think that what do u want more than this? it's the life of a student!

well, i just have to say that i dun like to be too ordinary!

i just feel that i'm like half-asleep, doing things that i automatically think i have to do...

like everytime we answer the 1st investigations that we need to do for almost EVERY patient is- baseline investigation: FBC a.k.a full blood count..

shit... this really feel sucks some of the time...



p/s: today's little story

went to medicine ward, clerked a patient with jessie- a 79 year-old chinese gentleman

according to him, admitted to hospital due to 1 week coughing with production of sputum and associated with significant chest pain on the left chest.

well, ok, dun make it sound like a presentation...

erm, then we started to ask for history of presenting, past medical history, past surgery, past social...

and in between it, this patient told us much of his young age story, ( which i dun really pay attention to listen to it)

and when we came to family history as jessie noticed that this patient, this gentleman has got some stigmata of chronic liver disease, so she tried to ask for some inherited liver disease like hep A, B, C

jessie asked in this way: uncle, lei yao mou hou ci go di wai chun beng a...lei ngok kei yan yao mou hepA, B, C go di geh?

then u know wat?

out of expectation, the uncle answered: TV tiga (TV3) jao yao la...

then jessie burst into a big laugh and i laughed too...

but as jessie laughed. and i did the same...

then i started to notice there's something wrong going on ..

ah pek seemed laughing but the espression on his face a little bit weird..

and when i got to know that he was actually crying...

it's too late...

ah pek burst into a very chai cham crying...

we freezed our laughing mode and turned into a shocked-surprised-omg mode..

i stunned and so did jessie

...................


we asked what had happened but ah pek was too sad to tell

then we decided to leave ahpek alone before he got into suffocation from his own breath...

we got back to him afterwards when he looked better...

and we apologised...

he started to clarify...

from mumbling little hoarsed voice of his...

i got to know that it's some kind of his marriage problem la..

i tried not to interrupt what he wanna tell for that moment, i think wat he wanted was just a listener as i think the things that he told us, he cant share with anybody else...

like he cant go and tell his children that his marriage is a failure as he found out that he's not ngam key with his wife...and ended up like u have to walk ur life to the end oneself without the loved one ?

he cant share this to his old friends too as i think as ppl grow old, everyone has their own family...takkan ppl wanna listen to ur poor marriage ?

so i just keep on listening to him...

as he talked, he shed his tears...

i'm pretty much willing to give this old man a hug and tell him everything will just be ok (provided, he's diagnosed and confirmed not a TB patient)

his tears flood his little two small eyes...

wondering it would make his vision clearer...

the little pale face of him now had turned red and redder...

and jessie and i use some eye contacts and thinks that it's time to leave him alone...

else, he's gonna cry til dehydrated and the doctors over there might think we've bullied the ah pek..

and yet, he's trying to tell more... but seriously, i would like to listen to him if there's such chance...but at that moment, the best thing to do is to leave..

so we leave in a good way...

asking him not to be sad...

feel a little bit sad of leaving him alone at that moment though we have no other choices better than that..



after the incident, ah pek actually leave a msg in my heart:
dun hurt the one u love; egoism sucks the most! hahaha!

"in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow, I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

being grateful that i live in a lovely family where, My Dad loves My Mom, and My Mom loves My Dad too~^^


ah pek, seriously hope u will get well soon :)

"u cant get everything u wan in world

but at least u do get some

which u should appreciate

coz u noe d world do not spin for u

wat u get is really a gift

when it happen as u wish

be grateful"