sigh...it's been a few days didnt get good sleep...
final is coming very soon but yet i am still not ready for it..
and start wondering how to study for those mpe mmb and nm ...
honestly saying, i dont like them!!
systems are more easier for me to understand though i didnt score well in them but, at least i didnt lose my interest on them..
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just finished my nm assesment...
and dont ask me how was it..
i have no comment at all..
dont know is it because of my buddy told me the result wont be out or some of the people say it's not that important..
okay, let's back talking bout myself..
assesment is nothing !
it's been two years since i left secondary school..
and very sad to say that, last night when i was lying on bed, staring on those weight lose, nutrients etc....notes..
i have counted how many of my secondary schoolmates and those who considered as my best friend still in contact with me, still having a close relationship to me..
i found that, there's not that much...
i lose some of them...
i know, though we are still tapek on each other when we see each other but i know, we are not as close as last time..
sigh... i admit sometimes, i just dont know how to maintain the relationship, and i keep on use "i'm busy" as a excuse for me to not to contact with them...
i would like to apologize here to all of them...
I'M SO SORRY~~
yet, i still cant really take up some actions...
people who know me will know the reason why..
i cant really mix up well and start a topic to chat with those i lose contact long time ago..
it's like there's a gap between us, and there's too fake to start chatting how are u doing recently?
some of my friend do tell me that, just "fu yan"..
but somehow, i'm uneasy to do that...
so, most of the time, i will stay quiet and just listen to others, and then soon i will start get bored, and if there's a next time gathering, i will not appear anymore..haha..
that's me...
i would not say it's a good thing to be like me..
but life is just stick to yourself...who you are and what you have and seek for what you want ...
i dont think i wanna make my life complicated...
i do meet some of the people outside there, they make their life easier as they go for what they want , they tell what's in their mind..and they treat people with their true heart...and that's the way i think why they got so many friends around them...
i DO feel sad when i found myself do not have much friend..
but i never regret or doubt to be --myself...
at least, i'm not lost yet, i'm still ME..
unlike some of the cases i met is they often fake when they mix up with people until at the end,they dont recognize themselves and start to get depressed..
they dont live in happiness as they keep on fake...
not to criticize, not in purpose to change their mind, just expressing my opinion here as i think they will continue to be unhappy till one day they really express themselves..
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being very honest here, i want to share sth bout my "relationship"
i'm still S.A.D...
properly dont have "D" lar..
hmm...those who want to know what S.A.D stands for just come ask me privately lar..
haha..
hmm... i gt some puppy love before, though some of my friends think that it's kind of too dramatic or "fooling people"...
but i'm happy and glad that i've experienced those so called "puppy-love"..
many of my ex schoolmates often ask, am i in a relationship..and once i said NO..then they start to doubt that what i tell is untrue...
i dont know why they dont believe and until i said i'm being "lelong" now but still i'm not sold...haha...and then only they start to believe and start to doubt whether is it because of i "look too high" and cant see the people under me...
okay...hmm...i'm here again to explain again, i'm single..
not in purpose to start "lelong" myself here..but just to tell those who really "concern" bout my current status... 38!!
Yes, once i thought i found it, i thought i was loved... i thought i falled in love... but somehow i lose it...
AGAIN, once i thought this is the person ... but AGAIN, it's NOT...
i'm not rush for a relationship as one of my friend said " Learn how to Love God before u Love someone else" "make sure you are ready before u start a relationship" "dont get in a relationship without consideration just because of you are kong xu" etc...
i know,, and thanks my friends that reminding me...
i know...
i easily to "bertindak terburu-buru" when things come to relationship..
i follow the feeling inside me...and that's always make me being fooled..
i'm not going to say myself to be not clever enough as i think there's no marks, it's not an exam or what...
we can't really use our logic thinking to solve the feeling inside us..
it's sth out-of-control sometimes...
and those who use their logic think to apply on "LOVE"...i think they dont really understand what is LOVE yet...
(jeh...being pro man! haha..)
no lar, just here to share my opinion...
yes, we all seek for LOVE...
we all need in the age of finding partner...
finding someone who really know us well and walk by us when we are in trouble..
but it's not that easy to "find" or even "wait " for the person to appear in life..
but trust me, there'll be someone ...
waiting you...
at the middle of your life...
he/she will be the one you long for...
he/she will be the one that you can hand over your life for...
OR,
even this person already appear in your life..
but it's just the matter of time...
you need to wait for it...while you have to go on with your life alone, carry up the Love from friends, the Love from family and the LOVE FROM GOD...
there will be someone there...
p/s : recommend a song again here (footprints in the sand by leona lewis) .the lyric means so much~~~
till here...
God bless everyone...
you will see me become more tough and tough!!
chao~
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